A new series I'm working on. Was originally going to be a short series of 5 strips. But the original storyline wasn't working for me. I was about to toss the whole idea when I decided to use several incidents from my life, then everything started to fall into place. I have some ideas where this is leading, but I'm sure I be suprised along the way.

And now for the first 14 episodes of "The Love That Dares Not..."

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part I) by israphael 9-29-01

Maura! Maura, where are you! I'm over here, sweety. Damn, I'm tired of sneaking around like this. Why can't we meet in public like a regular couple. I'm afraid what people would think if they knew we were seeing each other. They would think I'm some kind of freak. That's funny coming from a woman who has dated robots.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part II) by israphael 9-29-01

I mean it! You know how people are. They will go out of their way to think the worst. They'll take one look at us and assume it's some sort of perverted sex thing. Sex! Yeah, the sex! I like the sex! Ha Ha Ha... Can't you be serious for just one moment? *Cough* *Cough* Um... Sorry about that. The unfortunate part is I was being serious.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part III) by israphael 9-29-01

Maura, I think you're just being paranoid. Do you, Eugene? Do you really? I think I'm just being realistic. I can already hear the types of things people would say. Eugene and Maura bumping uglies... slipping her the sausage... taking the skinboat to Tunatown... laying some cable... putting Tabasco in the taco... keeping the monkey warm... swinging the big bat... making the beast with two backs... taking the log to the beaver... sending old Willie home... playing hide the canolli... putting the tool in the shed... doing the old in and out... drilling for oil.. Have you ever noticed Indy Pete's annoying habit of showing up at awkward moments? entering the holy of holies... dancing the horizontal Mambo... feeding the bearded clam... taking the starship to warp drive... playing pop goes the weasel... Maura's riding the baloney pony.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part IV) by israphael 10-10-01

Morning sleepyhead. You certainly slept in late. Had a big night did we? Nah, I just didn't feel well. I know what'll help! Sit down and I'll fix you a big plate of eggs and bacon. And you can try one of my special banana and carrot breakfast muffins. Suddenly I don't feel so good. Excuse me, I think I'm going to be sick. Oh come on! My cookings not that bad! RRRRAAAALLLLFFFF

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part V) by israphael 10-10-01

Doc, I haven't been feeling well lately. Every morning when I get up, I puke my guts out. Oh... and I... missed my period. Hello! I think I'm pregnant! Well! Duh! I'm just trying to figure out why you felt the need to make an appointment with me.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part VI) by israphael 10-11-01

Eugene, are you free tonight? How about meeting at the usual place around 8 o'clock? We really need to talk. Bye. Aw crap! When a woman says "we need to talk", it usually means bad news. On the plus side, she didn't mention anything about appearing on Jerry Springer.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part VII) by israphael 10-11-01

Hello Eugene, you're looking well tonight. Thank you, Maura. I must say you look quite fetching in the moonlight tonight. Well, I guess we should get down to the reason I call you here. Not so fast, I was hoping for more of this witty banter.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part VIII) by israphael 10-11-01

Let me see... How shall I put this? You like children? What do you mean like? Like... to eat?

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part IX) by israphael 10-12-01

OK, I'm just going to say it! I'm pregnant! Eugene, honey! Are you alright? I'm fine. But I think I'll lay here in the grass for a while.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part X) by israphael 10-17-01

Are you sure you're pregnant? Yes, I'm Sure! Not only did I go to the doctor, but I tried all the home pregnancy tests the drugstore had. I've gotten very good at peeing in little plastic cups. Umm... Who's- Who do you think!

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part XI) by israphael 10-26-01

OK, so you're pregnant. What are you going to do about it? What I'm I going to do about it? When did this become ALL my problem? I didn't get pregnant all by myself. I think I had a little help. I didn't mean it to sound like that. What I mean - This is not a "you" or "me" discussion. This is a "we" discussion! Is there a "we"? How can you consider us as a couple when you don't even want to be seen in public with me? You better watch it! You're this close to taking another nap in the grass!

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part XII) by israphael 11-05-01

Look, I can't talk to you when you get this way. I'll talk to you when you're more rational. Oh, now I'm being irrational! I don't think that's the problem. The problem, as I see it, is that you are being selfish! Well maybe I don't want to have a baby with a woman who is ashamed to be seen with me! Fine, maybe I don't want to be seen with such a selfish, insensitive, pigheaded..... ASS! Oooo... Good come-back.

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part XIII) by israphael 11-05-01

So, I guess this is it. We're breaking up. Yeah, I guess so. There's really not much left to say. Not unless one of us has a punchline.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

The Love That Dare Not Spe..... Whatever (Part XIV) by israphael 11-08-01

A man unsure that he is ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood... A woman who is uncertain about her feeling of love... A relationship at the crossroads and... OH JUST SHUT UP!!! Eugene and Maura shopping at Piggly Wiggly, rolling doubles in backgammon, driving on the left side of the road...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Good stuff! Bravo!

That's great! Keep it up.

~alison

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I'm back.

*roffle*

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

*peniswaffle*

Good series. :)

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.