based on my earth-renowned forum comment and the shirt that inspired it.

Dear Caligula, What Would You Do? by AngryAmerican 7-03-08

Dear Caligula, How do I get wine stains out of velvet? Signed, Alaina Vagimus Dear Alaina, I would have your throat cut by the Praetorian Guard, and then direct your spurting blood over the wine stains thus concealing them. Thanks for writing. And especially for including your return address.

Dear Caligula, What Would You Do? by AngryAmerican 7-03-08

Dear Caligula, I have a dog I cannot make obey me. What would you do? I would nail its ears to a bench and sodomize the living fuck out of it. Its simply amazing what an intrusive cock will do to alter behavior...

Dear Caligula, What Would You Do? by AngryAmerican 7-03-08

Dear Caligula, I have a son I cannot make obey me. What would you do? I would nail its ears to a bench and sodomize the living fuck out of it. Its simply amazing what an intrusive cock will do to alter behavior...

oh yeah. and booze and drugs and stuff.

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Kill Whitey.

Tribute to Dear Caligula by boloboffin 7-06-08

Dear Caligula, I took your advice about my son. The neighbors caught me and now I'm in jail for the rest of my life. What would you do? First things first. Are your son's ears still nailed to that bench?

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker