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Stripcreator » Read My Damn Comics » Hmmm...

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TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Here are some of my comics...I've only made five so far, but pretty much all of them are worded badly or just don't seem right.  A tip or two woud be greatly appreciated.

#1 by TheNewsroomSeries
9-07-08
Hey, Chen! What brings you here? I'm trying to find a pretty dress for my wife. It's her birthday tommorrow.
I'm trying to find an inexpensive suit to wear to work tommorrow, but they don't seem to have any adequate ones here.
Oh, no problem. I have a really nice suit you could borrow until you find a good one.
Oh...thanks!
No problem. Come on over to my house tonight so you can try it on.
It better not have unusual brown stains on it like the one Melvin lent me.

#2 by TheNewsroomSeries
9-07-08
Well...does it fit?
Uh...it fits, but uh...are you sure it's supposed to be like this?
Come on out and let me have a look.
Uhh...ok.
Oooh. Oops. That's the wrong suit.
I had a feeling it was.

#3 by TheNewsroomSeries
9-07-08
Sorry I gave you the wrong suit. This one here should be right.
That's ok. Thanks.
You ok in there?
Yeah. Wow! It fits perfectly! Just like Cinderella and her glass slipper!
Wooh...it looks great on you!
Yeah! And it's really got some flair to it! Unlike my other suits!

#4 by TheNewsroomSeries
9-07-08
The next day at work...
You're late again, Chen. The boss is going to be mad.
Yeah. I was mauled by a bear on my way to work.
How unlucky. Well, at least you have something to write about for your cover story now.
Maybe.
That suit was sixty bucks.
I'm aware of it.

#5 by TheNewsroomSeries
9-07-08
Here's the sixty bucks I owe you for ruining your suit.
Yes. And the 10% tax?
Tax!?
Yes. I had to pay tax for this suit, you know!
Yeah...but 10%!?
Well, technically the store charged 5% tax. So I'M charging another 5%.

Oh yeah...I'm also interested in which comic of mine is your favorite.  I like #4.  Sorry about the crappy titles.

---
Hmm...must be a mistake.

9-07-08 6:06pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


AngryAmerican
Here at least 3 times a year

Member Rated:

All in all, not bad. You're right about the wording. Picture the characters being real people and make them talk like those people would. Try modeling them after people you know-it makes it easier.

I liked your use of Chen changing in a room, but still talking through the door. It added a bit of suspense as to what he'd be wearing when he reemerged.

Work the dialogue and I think you'll go far.

---
Kill Whitey.

9-08-08 1:58am (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

Quite a good series. considering you've only made five of them. I especially liked how youy made him talk behind a door only to reamerge with the wrong suit on. I like your choice of character which was the Grim Reaper. Still the faact that you seem pretty new to this is remarkable. Keep up the good work!

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

9-08-08 4:40am (new)
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christopher7murphy
underestimated the power of cheese

Member Rated:

I didn't think it was too wordy. Unlike a standard "punch line" comic, each of these strips was telling a story. The story is apparent in each single strip AND they all form a larger story when read together.  It flows fairly smooth without being bogged down with too much techno-jargan or unnessessary filler. The humor is relatable if not mildly exagerated (unless bear atacks are common where you live). for example-Everybody has ruined something they borrowed from someone else and felt bad about it.

I wish Stripcreator had a bear for bear attack scenes! But, off panel stories sometimes help with the humor and force creativity.

:)

---
Insert Theme to Mannix here

9-08-08 4:59pm (new)
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TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

Haha...thanks for all the tips and ideas.  I'll be making more comics now!  And I will try my best to have better wording.

---
Hmm...must be a mistake.

9-08-08 5:25pm (new)
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TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

9-08-08 6:21pm (new)
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lima
FIREBOMB THE ORPHANAGE!

Member Rated:

I think they're very, very good. I can't possibly give you any pointers that you won't learn yourself as you go on writing.

Keep it up. Very impressed.

9-09-08 6:17pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

9-10-08 2:40pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

9-10-08 3:14pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

9-12-08 5:38pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


TheNewsroomSeries
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

9-19-08 4:09pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info

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