Anyone who likes their history (and I do, despite the username) will know that it's full of retarded events, people and times. That's why I thought I'd do a new comic series all about it. I didn't post these straight away because on second viewing the first few weren't very funny, but I'm quite proud of some so thought I'd chance it and advertise.

 

Why the Wilberforce Abolitionists were retarded by RetardedHistory 10-21-08

And how the Americans treat their negroes! It would make you cry, Horace, honestly. I know! They should look to a country like Britain for lessons on how to treat every man with fairness and personal liberty! Pardon me boss, ah bin working for 35 hours straight, can I 'ave me lunch break now please? Do you want me to have you whipped again?

Why the Indian Uprising was retarded by RetardedHistory 10-21-08

British Officer's camp Hey! *snigger* I had a really, really good idea for a prank. You know how most of our native soldiers are Hindu and Muslim, and you know how Hindus can't eat cows, and Muslims can't eat pork? Yeah... Well, we're ordering that new cartridge grease you have to bite to open, why don't we prank those guys and buy some pork and cow grease? Haha yeah, they'll think that's hilarious! Thousands of deaths later... Well, I would have found it funny! Miserable bastards!

Why the Magna Carta was retarded by RetardedHistory 9-17-08

...And this new bill of rights will guarantee freedoms for all! I don't know what you're cheering for peasant, get back to work before you're horsewhipped! Sorry sire And you woman, who said you could attend this public gathering anyway? Get back to that kitchen! Sorry, my leige Go democracy!

Why the American Civil War was retarded

No, for the last time, I don't see any logical flaws with my calling slavery a personal freedom! *Sigh* I'm not going over it again.

by RetardedHistory, 9-17-08

Why the Tudor period was retarded by RetardedHistory 10-21-08

Henry VIII Okay, the deal now is, I know you've been Catholic for ages, but the Pope won't let me divorce my wife again so you're now Protestant. Convert or I'll torture and burn you. Mary I Okay, I know my dad told you you had to be a Protestant, but I'm here now and you have to convert back to Catholicism. Or I'll torture and burn you, of course. Right.... Elizabeth I Okay, my sister's gone now, and back to Protestantism for everyone! Or I'll tor- Oh, FUCK OFF!

I like your stuff. Keep up the good work.

Excellent.  Too bad an entire eight-year presidental term can't fit into a 3 panel comic.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Thanks! One more new one before I lose any inspiration for today:

 

Why the Brighton Beach Bombing was retarded by RetardedHistory 10-21-08

October 11, 1984 It's like my husband Norman always says, if you don't have a job, don't riot. Just get up, and get on your bike! Two days later... You know what's a funny thing, Mrs Tebbit? Irony. Shut up.

Well done.  I rated several "good".  But I would have liked them more if:

1. you were able to condense the dialog so that the background doesn't repeat, or, alternatively, choose a background that's taller so it won't repeat as easily.

2. you used a word other than "retarded". 

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

evil_dI prefer the term "Tropic Thunder".

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Being a bit of a history buff meself, I liked them to a medium degree.

Cheerio, old chappy!

---
Kill Whitey.

Thanks for the comments guys. I still like the word retarded, and I don't think it would make sense if I used a new word without changing my username.

 Anyway, main reason for posting:

Why the Crusades were retarded by RetardedHistory 10-28-08

Jersualem 1099 For God! For Allah! For a monotheistic faith system! For a moral code that never seems to be in keeping with the age! For chastity, Patriarchy, rigorous prayer! Wait a minute, those are my ones as well! Word for word! What are we going to fight over now? Ah, er....oh! We both think Jesus was real and a really religiously significant figure, but only we think he was the Son of God. Oh yeah! Let's do this, infidel.

Why Papal History was retarded by RetardedHistory 11-12-08

That's it! You're excommunicated! You can't excommunicate me! I excommunicate you! I got you first! No, I got you first! Fine. I excommunicate you TIMES INFINITY! Mum!

Why the Indian Nationalist Movement was retarded by RetardedHistory 11-12-08

Anywhere else in the world ...at the onset of the revolt, Private Smith got shited off his face on weed, attacked an officer and got hung. Ha ha, what a tit. India Ok class, we're now going to talk about Mangal Pandey, one of India's greatest heroes...

Why the Loyalists were retarded by RetardedHistory 11-12-08

Ok, good show for this week lads! Let's see: we've killed fifteen innocent men... Kidnapped four pregnant women, and terrorised every Catholic community from here to Belfast. What else did we have to do? I think we were supposed to pick a name. Oh right, yeah! How about Ulster Freedom Fighters?