This morning, I had my first job interview in 15 years.  I won't know until later this week if I'll move on to have a second.  

To help distract me from the agony of waiting and the possible dismay of not getting it, you're going to make me laugh with comics about job interviews.  

Anything goes.  I've done series about interviews I've conducted and what it must be like to be in HR in the Star Wars Empire.  So be mainstream or go abstract, just make it funny!

Porkman & Finchy Are Completely And Utterly Unemployable by ZMannZilla 4-06-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! Your resume is literally two solid pages of 12-point Times New Roman LIES! PORKMAN ASKED FOR PROOF READS NOT CRITIQUE! Besides, is just creative truth enhancement, not lies! I'm just saying, dude... A little fib here or there is cool, but how are you going to keep all this outlandish fiction straight during your interview? Relax Finchy. Porkman is smooth like the cream cheese on a morning Egg McMuffin. So it says here that from 2004 to 2008 you were Burt Reynolds? AMAZING, RIGHT?!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

RCL no. 5201 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-06-16

Idiots unclear on the concept; Let's see... The director of this prison said if I kill his wife, confess to the killing, and not rat him out, he'd give me job making license plates. I have certainly fulfilled my end of the bargain. HEY, WARDEN... WHEN DO I START??

CC 640: "The commute woulda sucked, anyway" by atomiclunch 4-06-16

So, this happened, not verbatim, but true... So, Mr. Lunch. You've been through a few jobs over the last couple of years. Why is that? Oh, they were contract positions. Kept the bills paid while I look for a permanent job. They were short-term but they paid quite well. Then this. Still true. Well, we're concerned that you're not able to hold down a job. We'll get back to you. Not again. Not NOW! This part is embellished. In reality, I had forgotten to bring the bunny suit. I invite you to research the concept of a CONTRACT position, you drooling, corporate-trend-worshipping dipshit!

Cuntfused

As if being a hermaphrodite wasn't challenging enough, Gayle's genitals also came with a set of vocal chords and the penchant for bad timing I'm your VENIS!!! I'm your pride&joy! Yes I am ! ! ! We'll call you

by RedfeatheR, 2-21-07

Hotline by Beeko180 4-06-16

Hi, Sanderson. My name is Ted and I'll be conducting your interview today. Tell me, what makes you want to work at SuicideSupport? A year ago, I was diagnosed with a deadly and very rare form of extreme cancer. I survived it. However, it was a tough ordeal and I want this job to prove to myself that life is still worth it. Great. You're perfect to support suiciders. You'll be a tremendous inspiration! You're hired, sir! Really? You think I'd be an inspiration? Of course you would be! That's why you'll be the first person in the universe to be immediately fired after being hired. Now go be the inspiration I believe you to be, and support killing yourself.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Groovy! - The bigger the better, the fatter the wetter by edoggydog 4-07-16

Before me and my wife got married, she still lived at home with her mother and father and her hot sister with tits bigger than Phreaky. Well, the night before the wedding, my wife... ...told me to meet her at her house to iron out some last minute details. So, I got in my car and drove over there and when I rang the doorbell, her hot sister answered the door. She told me my wife got delayed an hour and that she was the only one home, but told me to come in and wait. Next thing I know, she takes off her clothes and tells me to fuck her. I immediately... ...headed out to my car. Outside was my wife who told me this was all a "test" and she knew then she can truly trust me... All I could think was thank god I keep my condoms in the glove compartment! So, I guess that was kinda like a final job interview, which qualifies this for the comic contest. Groovy!

Relevant by TheGovernor 4-08-16

Hello I'm here to interview for the position of Fortune Teller Great our last one left due to unforeseen circumstances, I've just got a few questions to ask you Sure fire away Where do you see yourself in five years' time?

CC640 TOBOR's Job Interview. by Porternotes 4-08-16

...Mr. Tobor... ...ever since then I had the reputation... ...Mr. Tobor... ...for being a rapist... an ASS rapist... Mr. Tobor, do you know anything at all about the position. If there's anything I know, it's positions.

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https://www.porternotes.com

RCL no. 5206 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-08-16

I'm a rooster... ...and people say I'm extremely naive. Sounds great... Give me an application deposit of $500 and I'll call you in two weeks. Does this mean I got the job as head cock sucker? Yeah, sure. Whatever.

RCL no. 5202 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-06-16

Thank you for meeting me at my house... Why would he want to interview me here? We'll be doing the "interview" inside. And, why would he want to do it inside? And, if you blow me good enough, you can start your new job tomorrow! Okay, this whole thing seems really fishy... Don't new jobs start on a Monday?

Steve's Got Jobs by four_legged_tripod 4-11-16

And what are your qualifications? To be honest, I've never really had a job. But I'm good at telling my wife I'm looking for work while staying home and playing video games. Plus, I'm a fan of living off other people's money. Good enough for me! Welcome aboard! I hope to make the unemployment office proud as along as I work for it!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Two updates:

1) I will get a second interview, but it hasn't been scheduled yet.

2) I will let this run until Saturday since I'll be out of town for the next few days.  

I can't judge you if you don't apply!

CC640: Those pesky job training videos by brycekain 4-12-16

I finished filling out the paperwork and have provided proof that I am certified in obstetrics and gynecology. Great, now I warn you. We have to be sure that you have the stomach for providing all our clinic's services, including abortive procedures. Go home and watch this DVD. Return to me tomorrow and tell me your thoughts. The next day... I just have one question: Why did they call it A Serbian Film? You're hired.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC640 Chuck needs a job. by Porternotes 4-12-16

I really need this job. I can't blow the interview. If I don't get this job, I'll lose everything. Shit, here he comes. I probably look desperate. Ok. deep breath. I need this job. Thanks for waiting, Chuck. Would you like to step this way? Thanks, Ted. The last time I waited this long for anything I ended up with a scar on my balls and two courses of antibiotics. Wait! No, that's not how it went... Well, I'd like to thank you for coming in. We'll let you know either way.

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https://www.porternotes.com

Kids Will be Kids by four_legged_tripod 4-14-16

And why do you think you'd be a good addition here at KinderCare? I have a lot of experience working with children? Are we talking pediatrician or Chuck E. Cheese attendant? Neither. Sweat shop manager.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - Bill loses a job (with apologies to Porternotes) by edoggydog 4-14-16

After Bill gets laid off from the car dealership, he applies for a position at the local sanitation department... I really need this job. I can't blow the interview. If I don't get this job, I'll lose everything. Shit, here he comes. I probably look desperate. Ok. deep breath. I need this job. Do that icebreaker thingy I used to do in the car business. Thanks for waiting. Would you like to step this way? Have you met the Air Dick? Well, I'd like to thank you for coming in. We'll let you know either way... Count on it being the either way.

CC640 Phil needs a job. (inspired by edoggydog) by Porternotes 4-15-16

I really need this job. I can't blow the interview. If I don't get this job. I'll lose everything. Shit, here he comes. I probably look desperate. Ok, deep breath. I need this job. Be witty. Be smart. Thanks for waiting, Phil. Would you like to step this way? Would I? My anus is at half-clench right now just thinking about being alone in a room with you.... only half-clench...wink, wink. Well, I'd like to thank you for coming in. We'll let you know if we go that way.

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https://www.porternotes.com

Last call for applications!  Final selection tomorrow.

Dear Competitors:

Thank you for your interest in CC 640.  We were impressed with the quality of applicants throughout this competitive process.  While there were many qualified candidates, there was unfortunately only one position available for winner.

After careful consideration, we have determined that Mr. Z. Mann Zilla has been selected as finalist.  We wish you well in future comic competitions.

Sincerely, 

C. Warrior, Judge

Porkman & Finchy Are Completely And Utterly Unemployable by ZMannZilla 4-06-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! Your resume is literally two solid pages of 12-point Times New Roman LIES! PORKMAN ASKED FOR PROOF READS NOT CRITIQUE! Besides, is just creative truth enhancement, not lies! I'm just saying, dude... A little fib here or there is cool, but how are you going to keep all this outlandish fiction straight during your interview? Relax Finchy. Porkman is smooth like the cream cheese on a morning Egg McMuffin. So it says here that from 2004 to 2008 you were Burt Reynolds? AMAZING, RIGHT?!

Black job interview by quinntaylor 4-19-16

Hey I'm here for the interview! Yeah about that, we didn't know you were black. What the fuck did you just say? Sorry, I want my co-workers to feel safe. I don't want them to feel like there about to be shot walking down the hallway. I'm gonna sue your ass! Your black, you can't afford a lawyer. Belive me, I have heard you people threaten to sue all the time.

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Quinnnnnnnnn tayla