Well, now that I've won a contest, I hereby declare myself Judge For Life, and the topic of all further contests will be "Why Does Dan Kick Ass?" Furthermore, I say--hang on a second. Gabe is behind me with a donkey and a wicked grin on his face, so I'm revoking my judge for life title and changing the rules.

The rules are:

1. You must use at least two different panels from the two comics shown below. The speech and narration may be altered, but nothing else can.

2. One of your panels may be your own creation entirely.

3. You must include the title of a movie somewhere in the strip. If it's not an extremely well known movie, try and include the title when you post.

4. Contest ends Friday, 8PM EST. Any late entries will be shot, ridiculed, ignored or judged depending on my whims.

5. Post your entries in this thread or incur my wrath.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Comic Contest #9 Details - Part 1 by BigEvilDan 2-27-01

This background is whitehouse I'm cowboy1 from threereasons! I'm deuce1-2 from jerkcity! This background is odd1 I'm deuce1-1 from jerkcity I'm letter1-2 from explodingdog This background is grassy I'm letter1-1 from explodingdog I'm squirrel2-2 from pennyarcade

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Comic Contest #9 Details - Part 2 by BigEvilDan 2-27-01

This background is background3 I'm squirrel1-1 from pennyarcade I'm gabe1-2 from pennyarcade There is no background to this panel I'm big-gabe2 from pennyarcade, although you may use any biggabe I'm asiangirl1-2 from threereasons This background is desert3 I'm asiangirl1 from threereasons I'm cowboy2 from threereasons

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Major props to Johnny who was nice to enough to loan me his eraser. Twice. :- )

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Moo, I'm new.

Comic Contest #9: It's A Wonderful Life by crunchyfish 2-28-01

Deadbeat. Spare change? Spare a dollar? Get a job, round eyes. This "Honor System" shit better work, or I'm gonna end up like that guy. Don't knock vagrancy. It's a wonderful life.

As I really have no idea how to post comics on here (someone email me and tell me please!) I'm posting the URL: http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=6692

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Comic Contest #9: Jethro Looks For Ass by DragonXero 2-28-01

And so, Cowboy Jethro goes off to get a piece of ass... Hello cowboy Jethro! Why you try take my land?! Calm yer britches, ya lil' pipsqueek, I ain't takin nothin but yer virginity! It's not going so well. I no want to have sex with you, you evil cowboy! Well ah'm gunna have sex wit' ya anyway lil' missy. Later, at a supreme court hearing, Jethro has some explaining to do. Hey baby, after court, you wanna go grab a bite to eat? Jethro Thomas, please have a seat. You're accused of having sex with a 7-year old asian girl. And I'm not going anywhere with you until you bring me her panties!

You use a bracket, [, instead of parentheses, (. It goes a little something like this:
(comic)6692(/comic}
6692 was the number of your comic, it's at the end of the You Are Ell.

I'm getting bored. Enter fugue.

Comic Contest#9-This comic was written 30 seconds too early by ObiJo 2-28-01

And ACTION...

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

here's hoping this works

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=

Lowpassed & Confused...Comic Contest #9 by Jael 2-28-01

So how's this year's crop of freshman chicks looking? They're all right I guess... Man, this year's suck. The chicks from last year were cool..they knew how to party! You are so going to get busted Wooderson. I know this for a FACT! That's what I like about them high school girls man...I get older...they stay the same age.

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

Hey, thanks!
Crunchyfish, you rule!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Employment by gabe_billings 2-28-01

Well Mr. Billings, I must tell you that we were impressed with your presentation as well as the rest of your work. Wow. That was unexpected. I thought for sure that little fire incident cost me the job. Not hardly. We all make mistakes. We'd like to offer you a position here, effective immediately. Hmmm.... Something wrong? Well, now I feel really bad about throwing acid on your cat.

I got the job! Woohoo! I hope everyone elses job/moving situation is going well.

Gabe

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Comic Contest #9: Squirrel of Discontent by gabe_billings 2-28-01

Oh dear lord... Gabe's dad had an accident at the steel mill and fell into one of the smelting pots. That poor boy. I'll go break the news to him. Hey there, chump. Let's play a game. If your dad isn't dead, stand up. Uhh.... Ha ha! You lose fucker! Dad?

Cheese.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

When you care enough to send the very best...

Congratulations you Crocheting Freak by ObiJo 2-28-01

So Gabe got the job, huh? Yep, that's what I heard. So what's he going to be doing anyway? Day Trader? System Admin? Cameraman for Donkey Porn. I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Billings.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice (beeotch!!)
Laid back [with my mind on my money and my money on my mind]

Comic Contest #9: All your "soft-money" are belong to us! by Bottlerockett 2-28-01

Off ta th' Whitehouse! Jess rustlin' up a few strays! Wish you were here! These here Democrats cain't git that dern'd look off'n their mugs! Why did I ever donate to that chump? Because you thought, "Oh this'll be better than 'Blazing Saddles'!"

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http://wally.pgbco.com

quote:

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When you care enough to send the very best...

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Oh, you probably say that to all the dysfuctional comics.

If you want to work on your funnybone, do what most of us do when we find we're starting to lose our funny edge: watch 10 hours of Bugs Bunny, 10 hours of Cheers, and 10 hours of Dan Quayle. But avoid at ALL COSTS Full House, Al Gore, and Curly Joe. They are the anti-funny.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Comic Contest #9: And vhere's the Vhite House furniture? by wirthling 3-01-01

It says, "Ve velcome your comments and ve look forvard to undoing the vrongs of the previous administration ..." "... Ve vill do vhat ve can to remove unvarranted regulations. Signed, President George V. Bush" So, are they going to repeal the danged Democrat-sponsored Walut Registration Act or not? And what's with all the vees? Vait 'til I get my hands on the criminables vho stole the dubya keys from the Vhite House keyboards! It's too late, Mr. President - Slick Villie already pardoned them...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Comic Contest #9 - He's an insane, semi-literate evangelist by evil_d 3-01-01

Boy, Mr. Squirrel, you're lucky you're not a homo sapiens. It says they get cast into the... fairies of hell, I think. I sure could go for some nuts right about now. Hey brother, can you spare a dime for something to eat? No, for blessed are you who hunger... after... um... right-handedness... for you shall be felled! Jesus, I don't understand. It says here to humor thy feather and thy muffler.... For the last time, I'm not Jesus, I'm your aerobics instructor.

Hardest contest yet.

You know, I wrote this whole thing having completely forgotten about the movie-title rule. Then I reread the rules and saw it. Then I said "argh". Then I said, wait a minute, Brother Can You Spare a Dime must be the title of some movie. As it turned out, I was right.

Maybe I'm stretching the rule a bit, but if I am, my official statement on that matter is "bite me". It took me forever to dream up this comic. It started out with the letter guy being a semi-literate guerilla priest, then a semi-literate Shakespearean actor, then I was going to put on the Tempest -- I think Deuce would make a great Caliban -- but I abandoned that since I didn't feel like rereading the Tempest, so eventually I went back to something that was closer to my first idea than anything.

You know what sucks? When you see people post entries that are much funnier than any idea you're currently contemplating. On the one hand, I suppose I'm fortunate to be surrounded by such comedic genius, but on the other hand, it's kind of sad when I already know I've lost even before I've decided what my entry will be. So why do I enter anyway? To stretch my creative muscles, and because maybe Dan will find my strip funnier than I do. :)

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Shit. I completely forgot about the movie title until evil_d mentioned it. By the looks of it, I wasn't the only one. I felt pretty dumb, and wondered if I should just go make another strip, then I realized I could probably weasel out of it. I'm sure almost anyone who forgot the movie title can do what I did and redeem themselves.

I took a little trip over to IMDB.com and started plugging in plausible movie titles. I tried 'Dear Lord', 'Poor Boy', 'Play a Game' and 'Stand Up' with no luck.

Then I realized I was being dumb and could use single words. I think I checked most of them and came up with the following movie titles in my strip:

'Steel','Play','Dad','Accident'(5 of these!),'Game' and finally 'You'.

So without even trying I ended up with six. So I'm guessing most people can swing it.

Maybe I could have been a little more creative and tried to work it in from the beginning, but I enjoy slipping through the cracks much more.

Gabe

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I so didn't forget about the movie title requirement!

I think you may recall those great TV movies "It" (based on a gargantuan Stephen King novel about a homicidal space-spider-clown) and "V" (a sci-fi movie about reptilian alien invaders).

OK, I forgot...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Hah-HAAAH! You can all suck on the shimmering rod of the mighty All-Father Odin as penance for you dubious crimes! Only the most wirthless of Heroes remembered to come forth-right with "Movie Titles" in their "Comic-Strips"! Forsooth! All your baseth happen to be belonging to mine frothy personance!!

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http://wally.pgbco.com

On mine I was about to write And Action Jackson, but only got to "And Action..." before those damn interfering periods pushed their way into the sentence.

Also, AND is a little known documentary (or rockumentary since it was set to the songs of Flock of Seagulls) about Argentina's Natural Disasters. A disturbing look at the people and places affected by Argentina's truly unique natural disaster called the Ass Gap, some kind of rift in the space-time fabric.

And the oscar goes to...

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Maybe you should pretend that you once saw some uppity art-house flick called ' '. That'll get you off the hook.

Gabe

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

This ones for 'ole Ludwig Van.

Eyes Wide Shut indeed (Fun with Kubrik!) by VorTeX 3-02-01

So let me get his straight... you watched A Clockwork Orange and then you... you... Yeah... why can't you say "passed out from the wretching pain of seeing an attractive woman? I think I'm going to be sick! Are you okay mister? To be honest, I think it's your pedophilic tendencies that are bothering me about this. What? She looked young for her age, that's all!

--
VorTeX

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish"

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"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish"

Judging is in progress, please stand by...

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III