Comics Contest XVIII: r001z by boorite 4-02-01

This contest, unlike previous ones, shall edify the mind and lift the spirit. Required elements include: 1. At least one background depicting a beautiful natural setting, which you must name. For example: Here we are in Fresh Kills Landfill. 2. At least one appearance of one of God's majestic creatures. Like me, the majestic whatever the fuck I am. 3. At least one reference (not necessarily visual) to a figure from non-Judaeo-Christian mythology. Like me, Quetzlcoatl. Dang, that IS edifying. Oh, one last requirement: 4. The phrase, "your mother likes it that way," or similar.

Entries postmarked by 7 PM EST Wednesday 4 April shall receive first consideration.

Izzat enough time? Otherwise, it'll have to wait 'til Friday.

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This sounds complicated. Can I just cut and paste yours?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

That's one way of winning.

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I'll try this then...

Comics Contest XVIII: ToothG Productions, Ltd. by gabe_billings 4-02-01

So that's pretty much the nickel tour of Valhalla and the surrounding celebrity row. Wow. So, like all you do is pull a chariot around for Thor and get eaten now and then.? I wouldn't say that's all I do. I produce some adult films on the side. You know, gang bangs, S & M, golden showers... That kind of stuff. That's pretty nasty. You really think your mom paid for a four year trip to MIT by driving a school bus part time? My mother is a saint!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

quote:

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Dude.. did you have to spell it "roo1z"?

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You llama.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Dammit, both of the comics I did today double-posted. Well, anyway, here's something from a definitely non-Judeo-Christian mythology:

Comic Contest XVIII: Some sorta religious stuff by NeoVid 4-02-01

So this is L. Ron Hubbardland? Yep! It's where you go if you start thinking you're the Messiah or something! The founder's coming, so introduce yourself! Yknow, I really think it's disturbing that a fat, dead SF writer can start his own religion... Hey, it's a free country, punk. Didn't you start this religion to get yourself money and women? Yeah? Well, your mother loved me for it!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Goddamnit! I'm dying over here. Look at Gabe's comic again. Notice anything different about the stick man? That boy is hung. If I was judging this contest, gabe would win just for that unintentional gag.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

[CUE MUSIC]

If I were a stick man
Really, really, really, really, really, really, really HUNG

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That wonderful audio clip was brought to you by 'Diddler on the Roof'. And of course I totally meant to give the stick man a giant wang.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

There is not punshinment for excessive verbosity like seeing your backgrounds twisted and distored before your very eyes like so many campaign promises. Anyway, here's my entry.

Comic Contest XVIII: Somehow I Knew It Would Be Like This by Scyess 4-02-01

Woah... that semi almost ran me down! It did run you down, silly-head! You're in Hades! You mean as in "Hell?" Isn't this supposed to be, like, horrible and torture and stuff? And what the hell are you supposed to be? No, way, you big silly! Hades is the land of endless giggles and fun! A magical place of luv and hugs just the way your mother likes it! I'm Cerberus; I'll be your wuvvy-cute guide for all eternity! Somehow I always knew I'd regret all those flaming bags of dog poop I left on people's porches when I was seven... C'mon, Mr. Poopy Pants! The eon-long Smurf and Care Bear marathon is about to start! I can't wait for the sing-alongs between every episode! Oh, boy!

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"Old" is the old new.

I was gonna subtitle this one "How Darwin got his groove back," but ran out of room. Damn.

CCXVIII - The Evolution of Religion by ObiJo 4-02-01

Wigsley Caves, Central Europe, 32,974 B.C. Bahh. Bahh? Hmm. Idol Tree Plains, Mesopotamia, 4,211 B.C. Great Statue of Baal, I have journied far to reach you. And now, standing on the Idol Tree Plains, my soul is at rest in the presence of your infinite wisdom. Crazy Al's Free Love Cathedral, 3924 A.D. (EST) Help me, Lord! For the scriptures say, "Do everything your father does say, for your mother likes it that way. Also, brush regularly." But my father has told me just to floss! Oh, damn my wicked fate!

Also, there have now been 3 comics with dogs in balls on them. Coincidence or the REAL deity trying to let himself be known? Just think about it the next time you go to steer your car at crossing dogs or childrens' wayward basketballs. I know I will.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I couldn't resist. Well, I could've, but that would've required effort...

I'm pretty sure this is in bad taste, so I'm doing my job. by ObiJo 4-02-01

Let's get naked. I'm ill equipped, and you know it. Must you mock me!?! I'm REALLY good in bed. Damn you, devil woman, I'll end my life before I let you disparage my manhood one more time! Welcome to heaven. Bless me father for I am about to sin. And it's gonna be a whopper.

My first Jesus-Sodomy comic. Can't wait to tell my family!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=11166

Comic contest XVIII - Gods don't die, they come here. by DexX 4-03-01

Hello. My name is Maura, and for the next thirty minutes, I will be your guide to the wonders of Eternity Fields, a restful home for retired deities. Here, deities and gods can retire is peace and solitude when they have too few believers to be worthwhile. Sucking the souls from whole planets was fun, but I really needed a break. Fetch the ball, Fido! *ruff!* If your congregation is waning, and you are thinking of having a rest from divinity, think about visiting Eternity Fields. Ha ha, I found you! OK, it's my turn to hide, now. Okay! One, two, three, four...

As a Christian myself, that last panel seems a bit odd... but it liked it too much to leave it out.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Hmmmm..... that was supposed to be "I liked it too much", not "it liked it too much". I just know you are all saying, "So, who is this mysterious being who edits DexX's comics? Why the fuck doesn't he do a better job?"

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Contest XVIII (What a trial!) by fishoutofbeer 4-04-01

A survey of world religions The Boshongo of Zaire believe the god Bumba vomited up the sun, earth, and all living creatures Wiccans believe in seasonal days of celebration, magickal animals, and deities from ancient Celtic society. I believe your momma likes it up the ass.

If that comic doesn't win, I quit. I'm not even posting one for this contest. That is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read here. :- )

bunner

over here
in the blue house
wiping Pepsi off of my monitor

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Ah, judgement time. Thank you all for a most edifying and uplifting comedic experience. I hate to name one winner when we are all such losers.

Almost all entries mentioned a supernatural setting, so I retroactively changed that rule. The dog sure got a lot of work in this contest.

Gabe got points for his evocative, tight prose style, plus mentioning gangbangs and giving the stickman a whopping dong.

Points to Descolada99 for jamming Abubis, Amen-Ra, Jesus, Van Halen, and bar-mitzvahs into one strip. Also for an actual natural setting.

NeoVid: Most plot-integrated use of "your mother."

Scyess: Truest vision of Hell since Bosch. My flesh crawled.

ObiJo: Most edifying. Fine geography. Big wang.

DexX: Most plausible. Plus, points for realizing that the purple thing is not and cannot be a donkey.

Fishoutofbeer: I knew I could count on you. Nice research: You took us to Zaire, Stonehenge, and that most mystical, sacredest place of all, "up the ass."

I declare our winner:

Fishoutofbeer!

Because he loaned me ten bucks. Unfortunately, this means bunnerabb isn't going to quit.

G'NITE FOLKS!

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Unfortunately, this means bunnerabb isn't going to quit.

True. Then again, neither are you. So you aint exactly dispensing goodwill like Mary Poppins on meth either, are you, sunny Jim?

:- )

bunner

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Man, not only are the new guys winning, they're sliding in a mere half hour under the wire! What exciting times we live in!

Just kidding. I want to win more. Let's kill the new people.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

For once, gabe and I agree. I'll bring the pitchforks and the Sodomizer 5000.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Here's a pop quiz:

Why didn't wirthling submit an entry for Comic Contest XVIII?

(a) His Tamagotchi ate his homework.

(b) He was abducted by aliens who ate his homework.

(c) He is intensely frightened by new people and hid under his computer desk for 2 days.

(d) He was too busy working on his resume, which, by the way, Gabe's homosexual rapist uncle has not yet responded to.

(e) Couldn't think of anything funny. (Shut up, Gabe, you taintwrangler.)

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

(f) Just because the Ed Asner poster is now out of sight, doesn't mean it's out of mind.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

(g) he's a gimp

(h) he's too busy making up words like 'taintwrangler'

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I can't believe I wrote "Abubis."

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