After much pondering, I thought I would take us back to one of the first interactive online comic experiences - Penny Arcade's The Bench. The rules for this contest are simple - make a bench strip, using characters in the pennyarcade.

Official rules:

1 - Except in the case stated in rules 2 and 3, only characters and props found in the category "pennyarcade" can be used. This includes the empty bench , the big Gabe, and the squirrel on the ground, along with the seated characters.

2 - You may also have blank spaces (no character) and use the two invisible height props from the "props" category.

3 - Optionally, you may use one other character or prop from any category once. This is not a requirement.

4 - The following dialogue, or something very similar, must be used at least once: "Aroused, very aroused."

5 - This contest will be judged in seventy-two hours from the time stamped on this posting.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC23 - Example by DexX 4-17-01

Suppose I should have mentioned that there is no limitation on backgrounds. Sure should have. Empty benches make me feel aroused... very aroused... Well, don't YOU look out of place. Hurtful bitch. *sniff*

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I've decided to give up on putting effort into winning the contests, and focus more on my favorite pasttime. Dissing wirthling.

CC 23 by gabe_billings 4-17-01

So what did he do when you showed him the nude pictures of Strom Thurmond? It sounded like he said they made him feel aroused. Very aroused. But I couldn't be sure. He was picking his nose while he was talking. That cinches it then. He'll need to be liquidated. And I've got just the person for the job. There's been a change of plans. The target's location will be changing to Idaho soon. Probably to one of those militia compounds. Will this cause a problem? No. I can do a nighttime HALO insertion and take him out with no one the wiser. Say, you're not adverse to a little friendly necrophilia, are you?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

23 Degrees of Arousal by Jael 4-17-01

I'm aroused. Very aroused. You look aroused. very aroused My daddy is Bill Clinton, who the hell do you think you are? Just a squirrel, trying to get a nut.

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

Rule 4 is in the form of an anagram.

As you can see, I had fuck-all for ideas...

CC23: The worst contest ever by boorite 4-17-01

After an arduous day of giving nickel handjobs, I am ever so ready for a rest. Arduous. Ever so ready. Where my nickels at, bitch-ass punk?

Ha ha, the squirrel is his pimp. Get it?

G'nite, folks!

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What others say about boorite!

Comic Contest 23: The high and the low by balan 4-17-01

Shakespeare in the Park Bravo! Bravo! *whistle* The way that he spoke his lines...it really gave me a new perspective on the character of Mercutio. Men in tights. Swordfights, stabbing, men getting all sweaty together. I think Tybalt and Mercutio liked each other. Didn't you? A rousing rendition. oh, yeah, I was very aroused.

kinda lame. but oh well.

CC23: The triumphant return of the Sodomizer 5000 by ObiJo 4-17-01

Aroused! Very Aroused! Gabe #3 thought the Squirrel Team seemed a little too confident when they had made the $100 bet that they could beat the Gabe triplets at basketball. I'll guard the squirrel. I'll guard the other squirrel. Fuck.

I was gonna mention vegomite to try to get some extra points from you DexX, but then I realized I'd probably just look like a brown-noser so I didn't.

-ObiJo

P.S. You're looking good lately. Lose some weight?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
Dexx just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

*refraining from launching into "land down under"*

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

I met a strange lady,
She made me nervous.
She took me in and gave me breakfast.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Comic Contest Uh, Something by DragonXero 4-17-01

Damn. Phones make me horny, VERY horny. You are fucked up. Why would a phone make you horny? Are you MAD? Look at how many holes it has! Uhhh, you've been smoking crack again haven't you? THAT'S NONE OF YOUR *sniff* BUSINESS!

Yeah yeah, it's not EXACTLY what you said, but I entered.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

"Lyin' in a den in Bombay
With a slack jaw, and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

Surfing on a fried-out Gateway
In a fucked-up forum full of felchmonkey
I met a taintwrangler who made me nervous
He made a robot sodomize us

He said, I come from a land down under
Where we blow goats 'til we chunder

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What others say about boorite!

quote:

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Surfing on a fried-out Gateway
In a fucked-up forum full of felchmonkey
I met a taintwrangler who made me nervous
He made a robot sodomize us

He said, I come from a land down under
Where we blow goats 'til we chunder

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Comic Contest 23: Gabe's Imminent Death by wirthling 4-18-01

I can't believe how much it has been raining. You knew Seattle would be like this. You can't say nobody warned you. Oh crap. The water level is rising. I will soon be submerged, no doubt. How does this make you feel? Doused. Very doused. Thank goodness I can use my giant nutsack as a floatation device.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

quote:

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boo: I seriously think you have issues!

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Cool, did you ever try trephination? I'd love to have a license that forestalls any legal action against performing that fine art.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I've got a drill. Why don't you come over to my place and I'll practice on you.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Another satisfied customer.

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What others say about boorite!

I would but boorite's picture made me wet myself.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Caption Contest 10111 - Nuts to originality by BigEvilDan 4-18-01

How are you today, Sexual Squirrel? Aroused, very aroused. But that's the way I always am, Andy. Dammit! I'm so tired of you getting all the women, you bastard! You're a fucking squirrel! It's not my fault I have such huge nuts. The one note contest is over already! Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious. I was afraid we'd have to find a punchline that wasn't taken by the caption contest.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The time has come to pass judgement...

*dramatic chord*

Gabe - The pink donkey was born to be an assassin. Thank you for leading him to his true vocation.

Jael - I don't get it. So why am I laughing?

Boorite - There is something fundamentally funny about pimp-talking squirrels. Kinda like robotic manrape in that respect.

Balan - Yay, Shakespeare! I could crap on about dichotomies and juxtaposition, but I'll just settle for saying: "Ha! Piss funny!"

ObiJo - Great non-standard format, and very funny.

DragonXero - The idea of rotary-dial phones being sexual because of their holes is just repellant. Naturally I laughed a lot at it.

Descolada - Utilising that "squirrel + obscenity = funny" forumla. Me like.

Wirthling - The amusement value of Lowpass regulars dedicating strip after strip to imaginary mutual-mutilation will never fade. :)

Flux - Lazy, but strangely good.

Dan - Contest crossover! What a horrifying thought!

...and the winner is...

>>> DragonXero <<<

There ya go, you've got the ball, now run with it...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Run with a ball? No! Big guys with pads will hit me... Can I just make another contest??

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Mine didn't have anything to do with Gabe Billings. I was referring to the "Gabe" character. Oh well...

Gabe Billings, you're going to have to change your name to reduce the confusion around here. Here's a suggestion for a new name: "Bungmunch Billings"

Not too shabby, eh?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

The other Gabe is just a cartoon. I'm a real person. Therefore I get to keep the name and the other 'Gabe' can be called Bungmunch. Or Scruffy McFucklestick. Or whatever.

But my name stays. Or else my mom will cry. Even more than she did when wirthling left her for a goat.

Gabe

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.