I had never seen the dysfunctional family circus strip till you guys pointed it out to me. That's funny as hell. I liked the way all the punchlines were posted underneath a comic, so you could read a bunch at once. I thought we could try that here with a pic. Now only if we could find an pic outlandish enough to be funny...

Captions:

-When Billy the Squirrel first walked into the one-horse town, he didn't know much of anything. Who to barter with, who to steer clear of, and who the sheriff was were all mysteries to him. But he did know one thing. He was sure as hell gettin' some.

-Being able to walk upright wasn't Squirrelius Erectus's only unique characteristic.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

-- It wasn't until he was halfway to the costume party that wirthling realized something wasn't quite right.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

--Sadly, the Army's testosterone-enhanced Kung-Fu Squirrel had one glaring vulnerability.

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What others say about boorite!

Zippy the Squirrel quickly realized that his pockets weren't the best places to keep his shot puts.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

"Nevermind the Bollocks. It's the Sex Rodents"

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

-Paleontologists the world over were surpised by new proof showing that the dinosaurs may not necessarily have needed their TAILS for counterbalance.

-...so the genie said, "What would you like for your first wish"...

-Though Ed did quite well with the ladies, his legs didn't have the required muscle strength for motion.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

- He didn't walk on tiptoe for the sake of stealth.

- "...well, when I stuck the nuts in my cheeks they hurt my gums, so..."

- Chucky often wondered why people kept telling him how brave he was.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Gene made his way slowly over the rocky terrain. There were clearance issues to consider. Very important clearance issues.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

--Betcha didn't know squirrels could get "'Nad Cow Disease." This little feller's nutsack'll soon swell up big as a Guernsey heifer and blow up like the Hindenburg, only with more blood.

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What others say about boorite!

--After seeing this picture, Eugene no longer took offense when the girls called him "squirrel nuts."

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What others say about boorite!

-- "Hey, Tommy, whadda ya think of my new testicular implants?"

-- And here we see the rarely seen syndrome called "squirreliasis."

-- Aroused. Very Aroused.

I don't know why I'm even trying. I don't think I can top "Sadly, the Army's testosterone-enhanced Kung-Fu Squirrel had one glaring vulnerability." That one floored me.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

-My brother Pete got the looks in the family and my brother Joe got the smarts. And what did I get?! Nothing, just a big fat nothing!

-The most deplorable part of Dr. Moreau's work was that somewhere an elephant was walking around with squirrel nuts.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

- "Son, I'm afraid this is only the beginning stages of elephantiasis."

- "Aroused. Very aroused. ...why do you ask?"

I'm surprised no one posted the second one already. Of course, maybe not everyone shares my taste for fillet of barrelfish.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

- "'Wait a minute... I was supposed to store nuts for the winter for food? All this time I've been storing food for the winter in my nuts!'"

It's all I could come up with. In fact, please don't even read this post.

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"Old" is the old new.

I showed this to my wife thinking she'd get a giggle out of it. She told me that one of the attending physicians at her hospital has this pic and uses it in every one of his lectures.

Apparently he forgot it in his most recent. The rest of the residents all wanted to know what happened to the squirrel with the big nuts.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

quote:

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- "'Wait a minute... I was supposed to store nuts for the winter for food? All this time I've been storing food for the winter in my nuts!'"

It's all I could come up with. In fact, please don't even read this post.

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A variation: "Whadda ya mean, I'm supposed to bury the nuts?! I thought that's why they called this thing a nutsack."

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

- "So please send your donations today to help fight ETWADPS: Enormous Teststicles Without Any Discernable Penis Syndrome."

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"Old" is the old new.

"Gene made his way slowly over the rocky terrain. There were clearance issues to consider. Very important clearance issues."

This one beats all in my mind.

"Now, some may believe the things hanging between the squirell's legs are testicles; not so say experts, who believe the squirell may actually use his "squirell-shaped testicles" to carry himself around."

"Todd was a real hit with the ladies until he revealed he was just severely allergic to bee stings".

"Some marsupials carry their young in twin groin sacs..."

Okay, so those were lame.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.