Tis hardly an original idea for a series I know, but im trying to regain my 'stripping momentum' as it seemed all Ive been doing the past few weeks is entering the Comic Competitions. Enjoy, or dont, see if I care. No really I do care honest!

Death Co. #1 :- Service with a smile by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Hi welcome to Death Co. Do you have an appointment? Actually, no, but I really want to die today if its at all possible to squeeze me in. It is our busy season you know post-valentines day and all but I'll see what we can do, have a seat, and I'll go check. thanks later Good news, we can kill you at 3.15 if you want to pop back later on. Great I'll come back then

Death Co. #2 :- Payment before service by TheGovernor 2-19-03

3.13pm Ahh, our 3.15, glad you could make it back, not had any second thoughts, or a sudden urge to live then? No I'd still like to die today please Alright then, I just need a few details before you go in, How are you going to pay? We now take Visa, Mastercard, unfortunately we cannot take cheques for business reasons I'll pay by cash, Do I get a choice of how I go? Well we do offer a wide selection of packages to meet every budget and preference Great, is there a catalogue I can look at?

Death Co. #3 :- Product Range by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Well we offer many different packages, Theres our economy range for around £40 plus VAT, however your next of kin can claim the VAT back afterwards. What sort of options are in the economy range? Well the most popular is the stabbing in the back with a blunt instrument, followed by a beating in the head with a hammer to ensure satisfaction Sounds a bit gruesome, you got anything less bloody? Well there is a sadistic option, we strap you to a chair and force you to watch episodes of Mad about You until you keel over, but personally I would advise against it Oooh, Nasty.

Death Co. #4 :- Negotiations continue by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Well we can place you in a sealed room and inject you with Ebola then burn your remains once the virus has done its work, plus your relatives get a video of your last moments for free Naa, not really the way I fancy going,, Well there is a sudden death range for £60, here we sneak up on you when you are not looking and chop your head off its quite popular with the squeemish. No I would prefer to know death was imminent Well how about the 'Cut brake cables on a cliff top at 60 mph' the weathers excellent at this time of year for that one Nah, unfortunately Ive promised my brother the car

Death Co. #5 :- Premium Range by TheGovernor 2-19-03

What about assasination, it costs a bit more than the regular service but the clients seem to like it. Whats involved with that one? Well we set you up in an election campaign, then once you are elected and giving you inaugral speech a hitman takes you out mafia style, it can actually be quite fun Sounds cool, but I would prefer to die today, and it seems as if that would take some time to set up Yeah it can take up to a year to do that one right, its a shame you are not older, we have a special on for our 'OAP Nookie Death' in which we induce a heart attack using a bit of rumpy pumpy Damn that one sounded perfect

Death Co. #6 :- Sexual Death by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Well if its a sexual death there's always the infectious fatal disease from a hooker scenario interesting, but I'll pass What about the seductive robbery? Here we have a beautiful woman seduce you, lead you to a hotel room, tie you to a bed then slit your throat and make off with your wallet Seems a bit unfulfilling really, Im not sure if I want to die with a hard-on, somehow I dont think its how I want to meet my maker We could throw in a castration for free... err... No.

Death Co. #7 :- Mix up by TheGovernor 2-19-03

We do offer a 'Bored to Death' range, you can have a free trial, just have a look in that door over there  ok  Are you my 3.30? ooh, sorry its the second door on the right ahh I see.

Death Co. #8 :- Bored to Death by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Hello and today we will be watching every Oscar ceremony since 1980 in full including the dance numbers and the technical award acceptances... That one is a tad bit too nasty, we do have a toned down bordom room its the next door along Welcome to a History of the Dewey Decimal System. Melville Louis Kossuth Dewey was born on December 10, 1851. He invented the Dewey Decimal Classification system when he was 21 whilst working as...

Death Co. #9 :- Choice is a good thing by TheGovernor 2-19-03

So, is boredom the way you want to go? Actially I'd prefer something a little more livelier What about electrocution? Its reasonably priced, and we offer everything from sticking your finger in a plug socket to the classic toaster in the bathtub. Na, dont really want to mess up my hair Well that probably puts falling from a plane without a parachute out of the question then Yeah, 'fraid so. although I do like the idea of plummeting to my doom, what else do you offer in that range?

Death Co #10 :- Death from above by TheGovernor 2-19-03

Plumetting to your doom, I like your style, very lemming. Have you thought about an aeroplane disaster? It's expensive but a spectacular way to go... Hmm ..Also if you have some friends we can offer a group rate Perhaps.. Here have a look at some of the other options in our catalogue whilst I go and see if the plane crash can be arranged Ok, thanks.

I like. More?

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