story time: the awsome king by retard 5-05-03

One time there used to be this king with lots of gold and hot babes with large breasts. He was really awsome and he killed anybody who even looked at him or somebody who slightly resembles him. Then this robot from the future zapped in carrying a bucket of fried chicken and said "I'm a robot from the future. Please accept this fried chicken." The was hungry so he was like "ok" He was about to eat it until he didn't and cut the robot's face off with a wooden spoon. the chicken was poison and the king knew that because he was super awsome. Then the king made his father eat the poison chicken because he used to drink and beat him with a shoe horn. Then he sat a top his pile of gold and laughed his friggin' ass off about the faceless robot. (while I was writing this story I, head-butt my dog so hard that we both screamed)

story time: tale of horror by retard 5-05-03

These two space lizards that were best friends hung out all the time and did stuff like play soccer and swim by the lake. One day while they were both eating tacos, one lizard was all like: "Wanna here an awsome ghost story?" The other one was like "okay" Then the first lizard started to tell a tale of horror: "Once there were these two guys who did something so horribally disturbing that I don't even wanna talk about it." The other lizard was so frightened that he started to spray diarrhea all over the room. This story is so awsome that when I first told it, I was so excited that I almost killed my entire family!

story time: old man and the vampire by retard 5-05-03

There used to be this old man who told stories to children. The old man told them about dragons and kings and such. The children urinated with delight whenever they heard the old man's stories. But one day a fat kid named Robert wanted to hear a story about vampires. The old man agreed and tolf one about a vampire who went crazy and drank everyone's eye juice. The kids were so scared that they started to beat themselves with whatever objects they could obtain. The old man, having scared himself also, beat his own ass in an attempt to drain the fear out of his butt. The story soon spread all around the town, then all the towns people blew up because the story freaked them out so badly. (This story was so good that my grandma slapped with with a piece of processed meat)

story time: the old milk lady by retard 5-05-03

There used to be this old lady who milked llamas for a living. She would suck the milk out with her mouth and then make herself laugh so the milk would come out of her nose. That made the milk pure. People who drank the milk thought it tasted so good that they beat the old lady to death and tore her from limb to limb. But the old lady was really a werewolf so she wouldn't die. Being beaten made the old werewolf lady pop out at least 600 horse fetuses at the people. One look at the mess she made, all of the people barfed all over the place. The old lady laughed at the tourment she has made. She laughed for 15 hours until she crapped herself. Then the people laughed at her for 15 hours until they crapped themselves too. The place was covered with blood, after-birth, barf, and crap. Everyone thought something was missing from this pattern so they urinated all over the place too. (this story made me bite my sister's ear off and then quack like a duck)

story time: the golden trash can by retard 5-05-03

Ted Smith was some guy who owed a golden trash can. Whenever somebody came to look at or take it, Ted would find out where that person's grandma lives, then he would beat her up. All the grandmas got super pissed and came to throw stuff at Ted. But Ted was a trained ninja so he took out his throwing stars and cut of all of there legs with just one throw. Now the grandmas fell to the floor and started to crawl to Ted. Ted took out an acid gun and sprayed at the old ladies. The old ladies started to roll around blinded until they eventually rolled off a cliff. Ted was then honoured with a medal. While Ted was off recieving his medal, zombies came and took his trash can. This made Ted so sad that he ate his dog for lunch the next day. (this story made Jesus cry)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Ha! They are awsome. I really liked the one about the old man and the vampire. Keep making them.

story time: rhinos by retard 5-06-03

There once was a cave full of rhinos. The rhinos lived in peace and harmony. They were a fun loving community. The rhino king was a great leader with a manly man's beard and he also carried around a big axe that he used to cut salami. All the rhinos loved their habitat. But a buch of emus were over throwing them. This made the rhinos catch a sevre case of diarrhea. The emus came over to kill all the rhinos but the cave was full of diarrhea so they could not get past (all emus are allergic to diarrhea) All the rhinos celebrated by throwing new-born babies off a tall building. (this story is so good that even those two old guys from the muppet show would give it a good review)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

You the master of sarcasm boinky!

Seriously, retard, you should read realultimatepower.net, if you aren't already the dickhead who writes that site.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Your parenthetical comments at the end of each strip are too stupid to be funny, but the stories themselves are hilaroius, I think. Go for it.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

trwsetwy4rstrgedr5645

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

what dose parenthetical mean?

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

story time: true love by retard 5-07-03

There used to be this couple who loved each other very much. But the girl's father did not like the boy. The father always spanked him whenever they were alone together. The boy had enough. So one night the boy snuck in the father's house and shoved the father's pet cat straight up his own butt. The father woke up and kicked the boy in the face. "Go away" he said. the boy said "no." The father then took a bazooka and shot his wife. "as I said, go away." The boy said no again. "Don't make me do this." said the father. The boy did not budge. "You forced me to do this." father said. He then cut off his own face with a pizza cutter. "Now leave!" said the father. "ok." said the boy. The father soon died of cancer later that week. Now the boy and girl married and had the girl's parent's funeral at the same time. The end. (not_Scyess doesn't like this part of the story)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

story time: time for work by retard 5-07-03

Once there were 3 mexicans who came to America to find work. They got jobs as ostrich groomers. But they were all allergic to ostriches so they all died. (Fuck off, I'm tired)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Story Time: great uncle Lou by retard 5-23-03

This is a true story I just made up about my great uncle Lou. You see, Lou was an honest man who always paid his taxes and recycled. One day while he was watching the Andy Griffith show and he sprouted some horns. With his new horns, he went and stabbed some hippies to death. Oh, how my great uncle Lou loved to stab them hippies. Legend has it that it gave him sexual release. But Jesus was watching from his invisible fortress up in Rhode Island. He didn't approve of brutely killing people for personal pleasure. So Jesus blasted Lou with his fire breath. Lou then turned into a giant lizard creature and ate 16 nuns. Jesus then used his laser eyes on Lou which made him blow up and die. Later that day, Lou died again because he had an extra life. (I wonder what a booby feels like)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

U'r comics a pretty funny big party time. I look forward to more stories and would like to headbut your dog.

Temme what u think. Red this comic good ----> [url=http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=147244&author=Jose_Anon][/url]

what? why u do dat? you are a dummy face head!
I just wanna know if peeple like my comics.

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

story time: the robber by retard 5-24-03

One sunny day, in the middle of the night, I was eating a block of cheese on the street corner and I saw a man robbing a old lady with liver spots all over. She looked like a dalmation. I started laughing at the scenario. I always enjoyed laughing at somebody elses misery. The robber noticed me and was all like "hey! you better not tell the cops later or I'll break many of your bones I then proceeded to tell the robber that I am the king of darkness, and then I offered him some skittles. The robber chuckled and said that he enjoyed converting with me. I got all confused with all the big words so I bit off the robber's face and ate it. He screamed. I laughed. As I told you I enjoy laughing at other people's misery. When the police finally came over, they thought I was the bad guy so one shoved a night stick up my rectum. I now sit alone in a dark, cold cell, counting the days to my death. (I tried to publish this story for scholastic, but they declined. Then they vomited)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Ha Ha Ha!! Good one!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

This stuff is awful.

YOUR stuff is awful

you kick lots of major ass! im glad im not your dog or your family though

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

I AM TOM BROKAW'S PET TURTLE!

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

We ARE laughing at your inner turmoil, AFB, just not in a good way.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

story time: the pirates by retard 5-25-03

Sit the fuck down, small children. I'm going to tell a tale of the high seas. There were a gang of blood-thirsty pirates who were looking for a burried box of pogs. These pogs were very rare because they had pictures of Danny DeVito's ass hole on them. The pirates searched for the pogs for at least 11 minutes until they got bored and started to have a gay orgy. What they didn't know was that they were in carnivorous sea-leprechaun territiory. The sea-leprechauns ate half of the men. The captain of the ship, Deepthrout the pirate, got really mad. He said "Stop eating everybody!" But the sea-leprechauns didn't listen because they were too busy eating everybody. The captain then stuffed knifes in the cannon and shot it at the sea-leprechauns. The second before the knifes touched them, they got scurvy and died. He rojoiced, but he then noticed that only he and Yo Yo Ma had survived the attack. The captain was sad, but then he got over it. (Yo Yo Ma sued me because of this story, but we settled out of court......I mean I brokes his legs)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

story time: the lumberjack by retard 5-25-03

This here story that I am telling right now is about a cool lumberjack. He could cut down trees just by looking at them funny. And all he ever ate was beef. He even drank beef. One day he had no more beef left. He got crazy. He had to eat beef evey 10 minutes or he would have epileptic fits. 10 minutes and 1 second later, he had an epileptic fit. He needed beef so bad that he started to knaw on his own elbow. He knawed on it for 10 months until a cow walked by for some reason. The lumberjack pounced on the cow and ate it's ears. The cow mooed in pain and then body slammed the lumberjack into a cactus. The lumber jack took out a broad sword and blinded the cow. Now the cow stumbled around, swinging his hoofs into air. The lumberjack started to bite chunks off the cow. The cow kicked the lumberjack in the face 34 times until he had a heart attack. The cow took off the costume, and it turned out to be Ted Danza. (Ted Danza then proceeded to feast on the lumberjack underneath the moonlight)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Who's Ted Danza?

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

That guy from "Full House"

Uh, that's Tony Danza.

And why are you answering for retard, anyway?

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Great stories--I added you to my favourites. Make more.