Origins of a hero. by Safety_Donkey 5-06-03

Hi readers! I've applied to be a sidekick to a superhero! I'm so excited! Have no fear! Captain Adequate is here! Wow! Hi Captain! You look awfully familiar! Ha ha! I get that a lot! Step this way, as we fight only enough crime as is necessary!

Captain Adequate (1) by Safety_Donkey 5-06-03

So exactly what kind of powers do you have Safety Donkey? Oh! Well none, really. I just try and make sure things are safe, that's all Aha! Unglamourous but a necessary and effective talent. Adequate enough, my new sidekick! Awesome! Wait! My powers of Adequacy tell me that it is time to fight some crime in an unspectacular but efficient manner! Adequacy AWAY! ISO 9000!

Captain Adequate (2) by Safety_Donkey 5-06-03

My... Adequacy Powers... tell me... some people... in Australia ...are being held against their will! Cripes! Are they safe? Who's holding them? Whoah there, fella! My powers only tell me enough information as is absolutely necessary. Oh...I guess you're going to use your powers to fly us over there now, eh? Sort of. As we speak, a no-frills Quantas flight is waiting for us at the airport You're in the cargo hold. See you in 22 hours! Oh God! Well, at least we're not flying Aeroflot!

Captain Adequate (3) by Safety_Donkey 5-06-03

Int: Airport. The Captain and Safety Donkey take a budget flight...into destiny... *mmph*! So you and Captain Obvious are related? Yeah, he's my half-cousin, once removed. We don't get on. *mmph*...Why not, Captain? I give him a perfectly adequate pair of socks each Christmas. He points out that I'm unimaginative. Git. *mmph* Captain, I think I'm suffocating down here, how much farther is it? We haven't left the runway yet, Donkey.

Captain Adequate (4) by Safety_Donkey 5-06-03

Brr! It's dark, cramped and freezing! Highly unsafe! What was the Captain thinking? AAAGH! What are you? Gnnf...I'm Safety Donkey! I'm Captain Adequate's sidekick. Who are you? I'm an asylum seeker! I'm fleeing bigoted old Blighty for the warm friendly shores of Australia! Oh you sucker!...In 30 seconds...if Pauline Hanson offers you dinner: refuse politely!

---
Stay Safe!

Captain Adequate (5) by Safety_Donkey 5-08-03

Our heroes arrive in Australia... You're lucky you stayed in the hold during our stopover in Thailand, SD, the 5 star hotel was...SD? Oh! You've frozen to the undercarraige. I'll just thaw you out with my Adequate Warmth Vision... S-s-so c-c-cold! B-b-barely luke-w-warm! Adequate enough to get you back on your hooves. You'll get the feling back in them after a few miles walk...

Captain Adequate (6) by Safety_Donkey 5-08-03

The Australian Outback, some hours later... AAAGH! I'm getting sunburn! And AAAGH! There's dangerous creatures everywhere! Relax SD, I've afforded us adequate protection against both skin cancer and drunken footy fans. Yeah, but do they have to smell like dingo shit? This power can't be safe at all! Um, SD I'm not using my...WAIT! What's wrong, Captain Adequate? My powers!...Telling me...we're in danger! Can't...be...any...more...specific!

Captain Adequate (7) by Safety_Donkey 5-08-03

Freeze ya do-gooding gimps! Kangaroo Jack! I might have known! You wouldn't know walleroo dung if you stepped in it, Captain InAdequate! You've won for now, Jack, but I'll still defeat you, in an unimpressive yet effective way! When will you learn? You have to be exceptional to beat a super-villain!. Mwa-ha-ha ! Oh! So what's your so-called power, Jack? Having an AK-47? Really fair dinkum exceptional! Wanker!

Captain Adequate (8) by Safety_Donkey 5-08-03

Shut up Adequate! You have no idea what it's like to be the smartest marsupial alive! If it's any help, I know what it's like to be a talking pink donkey! And who in Greg Norman's dirtbox are you? I'm…erm..I-I'm S-S-Safety Donkey! I'm Captain Adequate's trusty s-s-sidekick! Make that two more hostages for my ransom bid of a jillion dollars Australian! AAAGH! Please don't call the Russians in to negotiate!

Captain Adequate (9) by Safety_Donkey 5-08-03

Boh! This is neither safe nor adequate, Captain! What do we do now? Relax, SD. While Kangaroo Jack was talking to you, I used my Adequate Powers to make him reveal his plans. Really?! What did you find out? First, that he's ransoming us for a jillion dollars Australian. Aaaaand…? That's about it. Oh! Something to do with shooting us if he doesn't get his money.

---
Stay Safe!

Captain Adequate (10) by Safety_Donkey 5-30-03

Dexx! Not you too? Yeah I know. I only went to the shops for some beer and I get bloody kidnapped! I'm worried! Captain Adequate is seeming less and less like a super hero all the while. Relax. I've got just enough charge on my cellphone to make one local phone call... Hey! dcomposed! We've been kidnapped, phone for the state police! Oi WILL! ANSWER THE BLOODY PHONE! ZZZZ....

Captain Adequate (11) by Safety_Donkey 5-30-03

Right, I'm told that Stripcreator regulars aren't worth used sheepdip, so I'm killing the whole bloody lot of you! Oh No! I'm going to die! I'm not cut out to be a sidekick! What was I thinking? Captain, help! I'm not cut out to be your sidekick! Sure you are! Being safe isn't glamorous, but you're *super* safe, and that makes you one of a kind! I...suppose I am. How many talking purple donkeys can quote all 32 volumes of the ISO 9000? That's the spirit SD! Now, use your powers to distract Kangaroo Jack while I *just about* foil his evil scheme!

Captain Adequate (12) by Safety_Donkey 5-30-03

Prepare to die losers! What the...? The safety catch has jammed! Ha ha HAA!

Captain Adequate (13) by Safety_Donkey 5-30-03

Good work Safety Donkey! Now, Kangaroo Jack, prepare to have your tail kicked, Adequate style! Uh-oh! For the ordinary man! Take THAT! OOYARGH! You kicked him in the balls? Simplicity is the sweetest way. Besides, have you seen the size of a kangaroo's unit? I couldn't miss.

Captain Adequate (END) by Safety_Donkey 5-30-03

Wow! I guess my Safety powers saved the day after all! I told you! Being safe is one of the greatest gifts of all! Come on, I'll fly us home with my Adequate Flight Powers! You can fly now? Always could. Just not much faster than 30 miles an hour!

---
Stay Safe!

There was a bit in the middle which wasn't as bad as some of the other bits at the beginning and the end.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

I like it! But then, I would.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I'm like, totally honoured to be included in this totally ass kickingly awesome and sweet series.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane