A Detective Story by Ahsirakh 6-01-03

A case to end all cases... Trinity was right... I used to think being a private detective is cool. There's nothing cool left to it now... On top of that, both my fridge and my bank account are empty. Life is colourful... I no longer am... how profound...

A Detective Story (part 2) by Ahsirakh 6-01-03

But then the phone rang. If this is another suspicious hospital, I'm out of this business forever. Riiing! How can hospitals be suspicious, anyway? Ahhh, the mysteries of life... Riiing! Wait, if this really IS a suspicious hospital, then I as good as put myself out of business! Oh, darn it, pick me up already!!!

A Detective Story (part 3) by Ahsirakh 6-01-03

Erm... hello? Mr Ash. I have a job for you. No, I'm not asking you to check on my wife. I'm looking for a computer hacker. This hacker goes by the alias Trinity. The caller attempts to be elusive... Fine. And who are you working for? I can't say. ... then he hits below the belt. You can't say? Well call me back when you can say, that's not the way I do business. I can fill both your fridge and bank account. NOW what do you say?

A Detective Story (part 4) by Ahsirakh 6-01-03

This Trinity was well known in hacker circles. A real artist by the sound of it. Cops were always one step behind. Might you happen to know a hacker by the name Trini- 7r1n1ty 15 l33t. The question now is how I could get closer to him. But I had a few tricks up my sleeve for getting hackers. Might you happen to know a hacker by the name Trini- 7r1n1ty r0x0r5. While I was searching, I found something strange: Other detectives had been on the case too. Might you happen to know a hacker by the name Trini- why d0 y0u 4ll d3t3ct1v35 4lw4y5 45k 7h3 54m3 5ux0r5 th1ng?

A Detective Story (part 5) by Ahsirakh 6-01-03

Their investigations had all been, shall we say, troubled. One of the detectives killed himself. Let him RIP. Another disappeared. Another went crazy. Since the other detectives weren't... contactable, I paid a visit to this crazy one. Life is colourful... I no longer am... how profound... Now where have I heard that before?

A Detective Story (part 6) by Ahsirakh 6-02-03

Trinity... doesn't exist, you know... he's not real... he's a... a figment... a Jabberwocky... Erm, can you cut it with the ellipses? And who am I? Who the hell am I? Can you cut it with the question marks, too? I mentioned he was crazy. Come to my arms, my beamish boy!! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! I am SO outta here.

A Detective Story (part 7) by Ahsirakh 6-03-03

"Come to my arms, my beamish boy!"... where had I heard that reference before? I decided to play a little chess to find out... How can you play against yourself, in any case? Grrr... shut up, if I want to play let me! Why chess? Well, I hoped it might help me relieve frustration... How can I help you relieve frustration if you always lose to yourself when you win? Oh, and by the way, you just checkmated yourself. Again. You're not helping... But a quick check on the Internet sort of settled things... I wasn't getting anywhere with that phrase. Searching for "come to my arms, beamish boy!" 816,553 results for Yahoo! Personals. Are you looking for male or female?

A Detective Story (part 8) by Ahsirakh 6-04-03

Then I remembered. The nutter had mouthed the word "Jabberwocky". Searching for "Jabberwocky". 816,553 results for "Come to my arms, my beamish boy!" I thus began my search in the usual hacker hangouts for someone with an Alice in Wonderland M.O. It was in one of these that I picked up the trail, with a user by the alias Red Queen. Red Queen. Can you meet me? I am looking for Trinity. I am told that Trinity is through the looking glass... No... it is you who is through the looking glass... Huh?

A Detective Story (part 9) by Ahsirakh 6-05-03

I decided to cut straight to the chase. How can I meet with you? To find me, you'll have to jump the first of six brooks. Huh? I'll be there at 20:05. *logs off* It was difficult to think like this. I needed to relieve some stress... Checkmate. Again. (You never give up, do you?) Note to self: get a new chessboard...

A Detective Story (part 10) by Ahsirakh 6-05-03

While in an attempt to try out another stress-relieving remedy, our hero gets a sudden revelation! Zzz... of course! Crossing the second brook takes her to the woods. Alice jumps the first brook... then she boards a train... And so the violent rush for 20:05 begins, when-- BANG. Ouch. I knew I should have left the door open.

A Detective Story (part 11) by Ahsirakh 6-06-03

And so began a race against time to the train station. But I couldn't help feeling that something was wrong... No fart jokes please. Screeeech. Wait -- none of the cities in this region has a train station! 20:00. If Trinity wasn't at the train station, where could he possibly be...?

A Detective Story (part 12) by Ahsirakh 6-06-03

20:02... Jumping the first brook might have meant skipping it, so that means I have to cross the second brook... 20:04... ... which takes me to the woods. One minute left, I can get there in time... 20:06. You're late. Oh great. She's picky... she?

A Detective Story (part 13) by Ahsirakh 6-06-03

You made it. I'm quite impressed. Flattery will get you everywhere... I'm not here to flatter you, I'm here to save you. So I run to a train station to find there isn't one, run all the way back to this woods, only to have you criticise me for my punctuality, and now you say you want to save me? Erm... operator, I need a training program on CPR. *thud*

A Detective Story (part 14) by Ahsirakh 6-07-03

Trinity places a debugging machine on Ash's left eye. Try to relax. Erk... my eye! Ash is outside of the comic frame... but don't worry, he'll be back. Bugger off, bug! Help... I'm dying... You were bugged. How did that thing even fit in my eye?!

A Detective Story (part 15) by Ahsirakh 6-07-03

You've stepped to the edge of the looking glass... So that means that eye exam I had wasn't a dream... They hired me as a way of getting to you, didn't they? If that isn't obvious, I don't what is... At least we'll be safe here... there can't be many people in these woods. Trinity: "They are everywhere, Mr Ash. They could be anyone..." What's... happening to me...

A Detective Story (part 16) by Ahsirakh 6-07-03

Unbeknownst to our protagonists, something strange is happening at a nearby site of the woods... Ugh... this feels... ... terrible... ... hope the new consignment of dark glasses arrives soon...

A Detective Story (part 17) by Ahsirakh 6-08-03

Why do I have the feeling someone's behind me... ? Eeek!!!

A Detective Story (part 18) by Ahsirakh 6-08-03

Running several miles, they finally manage to lose the Agent... I've gotten out of worse jams than this. I'm not going to let them get-- What's... happening to me... Oh great... Ugh... this feels... terrible... Here we go again... they just had to make themselves insurance Agents, didn't they?

A Detective Story (part 19) by Ahsirakh 6-08-03

Trinity quickly stops Ash from phasing into an Agent... Oww... Sorry. If I hadn't forcefully kicked you in the butt, you might have turned into an Agent. I wish... I could go with you... you are very beaut- *ahem* Oww... Hey, wait till the One shows up before making an advance on me... (in other words, fat chance, dude.)

A Detective Story (part 20) by Ahsirakh 6-08-03

Ha, caught up with- Eww! How hideous! Do I really look that horrible? I must go gouge my eyeballs out and sterilise them! Perhaps I'll go home and check myself out in the looking glass... A case to end all cases... Trinity was right...