Greetings all, and welcome to the First Stripcreator Battle Royal. We will, with the help of sixteen talented, veteran strippers who volunteered their services, determine once and for all, who is the champion of Stripcreator. Vying for that title will be 128 of the characters you know and love on this site, in a single-elimination test of wit and strength, a no-holds-barred cross between Celebrity Deathmatch, Spy vs. Spy, and March Madness. A few of the characters you’re familiar with have been omitted in order to leave that nice round number, but I hope nobody will miss them too much.

The competition proceeds as follows: I've seeded a tournament bracket that will be revealed gradually. Each match between two characters will be assigned to one of the 16 cartoonists, who will be responsible for resolving it in any manner he sees fit, by a single comic, or by a series, as long as one of the characters clearly defeats the other in some way, shape of form.

It should be noted that the authors can assign any identity to each character. The "scientist" can be portrayed as a generic scientist, Dr. Pedantic, or someone else. The “cowboy” can be a generic cowboy, a Cowboy Physicist, or George W. Bush. And so on. It’s up to the strippers, and the strippers alone.

Why is this here in Comic Showcase, and not Comic Competitions? Well, for the cartoonists, this is an exhibition, not a contest. The matches in the first three rounds will be divided evenly and randomly among them (though I’ll probably avoid assigning anyone his own forumuser). The final fifteen matches will be assigned randomly to 15 of the 16 authors; and assuming nobody drops out, the 16th author will be chosen randomly and without stigma. So here we go; we’ll see if form holds true.

We'll begin by giving each stripper one match, together comprising 1/4 of Round 1 -- 2 of the 8 16-character sub-brackets ...

[list][*]andydougan: Toothgnip (goats) vs. Skeleton (dexx)
[*]Big Evil Dan: Alien1&2 (kaddar) vs. Indypete (dieselsweeties)
[*]boinky33: Bigevildan (forumusers) vs. Bug (explodingdog)
[*]boorite: Lenny (submitted) vs. Reaper (dexx)
[*]crabby: Grey (dexx) vs. Perm (forumusers)
[*]Drexle: Lizardsuit (submitted) vs. Neovid (forumusers)
[*]evil_d: Mask (kaddar) vs. Tyler (kofightclub)
[*]fuzzyman: Bear (submitted) vs. Russ (kofightclub)
[*]habnem: Descolada (forumusers) vs. Ghost (submitted)
[*]itsclark: Blonde (kadder) vs. Hooker (wigu)
[*]KajunFirefly: Scientist (dexx) vs. Skagg (forumusers)
[*]kramer_vs_kramer: Clown (threereasons) vs. Rube (wigu)
[*]mmyers: Jesus (threereasons) vs. Pablo (submitted)
[*]Scyess: Brad (forumusers) vs. Pumpkin (holiday)
[*]TheGovernor: Dil (submitted) vs. Helmut (wigu)
[*]umfumdisi: Elf (holiday) vs. Pants (jerkcity)[/list]

Stippers, get to work, and post your match reports right here in this thread. I'll keep everyone up to date with the progress of this event.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

this is so freaking awesome--thanks, kaufman

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Pablo versus Jesus: Round 1 by mmyers 8-08-03

Gosh, it sure was nice of them to boat us out to this deserted isle to battle all Enter the Dragon style. I enjoy trips. Indeed. You look very familiar. You wouldn't happen to be... Jesus? Haha, yeah, I get that all the time. Actually, my name is Jesus, but I'm not THE Jesus, the son of God. Wow! Check the view out! Boyohboy! This is strange indeed, for my name is Jesus also, Jesus de Jesus. Two Jesuses battling for supremacy. Isn't the irony delicious? Sure is! So's the bree at the buffet table. Boy, I can't wait to get on the island and hitting the waves. I burn easy so I need an SPF45. One time at camp... Killing him will be a pleasure.

BR1: Jesus vs. Pablo (2) by mmyers 8-08-03

Excuse Captain, are we almost to the island? I'm ever so looking forward to killing that Jesus fellow. Jeas, ve're almose dere, Mr. De Jesus. Excellent. Should you need any help navigating, I'll shall be in my cabin sharpening my blades. Yar, Captain, don't you think we're coming a bit close to those rocks? Aren't yee worried about running the boat up into them? Nonsense, De Jesus esa my co-pilot.

BR1: Jesus vs. Pablo (3) by mmyers 8-08-03

Jumpin' gee-willikers, it's gorgeous here. I'm going to jump in the water right away. Yes, I say, that's a stupendous idea, hmm? Hey, would you mind rubbing a little sun tan lotion on my back? Not at all, and while I'm at it, why don't I make you... DIE, DIE, DIE! Mr. Jesus, you left your complimentary deck of playing cards on the boat..oop...I can see you're both busy.

BR1: Jesus vs. Pablo (4) by mmyers 8-08-03

Now I am the winner. I shall get back on the boat and enjoy a cool, refreshing Shasta. I am truly lucky as it seems this island is the last place that serves Shasta beverages. Not so fast, Jesus De Jesus! Holy crap! You've risin', then you really are... No, it's merely a coincidence, but I am thankful for this ass-whipping you are about to receive. Yikes!

BR1: Jesus vs Pablo (5) by mmyers 8-08-03

At a pub... Then what happened, Jesus? So I was getting ready to really thump the guy, and then the sky gets all dark and lightning bolts start flying from every direction and hitting Jesus de Jesus and all that was left was ashes1. Wow, mate, that sounds like a... I hesitate to say it...a Miracle. Nah, probably just a coincidence. Sure, sure. Say, how'd you get that big bump on yer forehead? Funny, I don't remember getting a bump on my forehead. Actually, I barely remember anything. Hmm, next rounds on me!

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

a wonderful start, mm. here's mine. this is gonna be fun!

Descolada vs. Ghost: Prologue by habnem 8-08-03

So, here we are... about to fight. Yup. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a wrestling ring background or something? Quit stalling. You're goin' down.

Descolada vs. Ghost 2 by habnem 8-08-03

What makes you think you can beat me and my fabulous goatee? Oh, come on. Your name is Jason, for God's sake. I know a lot of people named Jason, and all of them are wusses. I'll bet Jason Giambi could kick your ass. What would he do, hit me with a bat? I'm freaking noncorporeal!

Descolada vs. Ghost 3 by habnem 8-08-03

Jason from the Argo? Too much hubris. Jason from Friday the 13th? Too many sequels. Jason Priestley? Please. He couldn't even win a fight with the Kentucky Speedway.

Descolada vs. Ghost, finale by habnem 8-08-03

A-ha! My stall tactics have given me enough time to summon my tag team partner. Tag team partner? We aren't supposed to have those! Hi. I'm Ernie Hudson, but you may remember me as Winston Zeddemore from "Ghostbusters." NOOOO!!! Damn you, Descolada!!! Heh heh. Did you really think a guy who's always holding a beer wouldn't have seen that movie? ah! i am dieing

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

1: greyPerm 1 by crabby 8-09-03

I got your note asking to meet here. This isn't at all like you. Whats wrong? Well, I think we should start seeing other people. It's just that. Well, lately. I've felt like you've been cheating on me. It's called rectal probing. IT'S MY FUCKING JOB! Well it makes me feel like less of a man.

1: greyPerm 2 by crabby 8-09-03

Look. Why don't I drive us home and we can talk about this more, alright. We'll stop at Arby's and get you something to eat. I'd like that. I don't think it's the probing thats been bothering you. I think there is something else. Well to tell you the truth I'm not sure if you're a man or a woman. What about all the times we've made love? But it's not normal human love. I have to play the song of xion to access the sex canal in the small of your back.

1: greyPerm 3 by crabby 8-09-03

So then. Do you want to START seeing other people, or are you already seeing someone? I'm already seeing someone. He's under the bed. Come foolish crumpet so I may extinguish you. You're hunky. I have already inserted my life force into your boyfriend.

1: greyPerm 4 by crabby 8-09-03

What's wrong? Walk faster! We need to hurry. I told you I have heart burn. You may proceed with birthing the child. What? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I am birthing a child!!!!!!!

1: greyPerm 5 by crabby 8-09-03

3 years later............ Your father and I love you very much. This much? No alot more. Great! I'm so glad we were able to find eachother. I love you!

damn. before this started, we should have made some sort of betting pool. somebody call caesars palace--my money's on pants.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

I drew this a while ago, and I think it accuratly portrays how I am currently feeling.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Elf vs. Pants 1: Pre-emptive Strike? by umfumdisi 8-08-03

Thanks for coming so far North. We only knew each other through Brad, so I thought a face-to-face would be a good way to start. Our meeting was fruitful--know thine enemy as thy knowest thyself, eh? Exactly. Still, in the spirit of gentlemanly competition, I offer this gift that I made myself. Christmas in August--how gauche! I hope you will not be offended if I wait to open the gift until I return home. That way it will offer fond remembrance of my time here. No problem, sir. I wish you Godspeed. Thanks again to you and your "roommate." Our next meeting will take place upon the battlefield. Goodbye.

Elf vs. Pants 2: Pants @ Home by umfumdisi 8-08-03

"But...I want to be a dentist." Ha. These elves are so cute; it will be hard to kick Elf's ass without laughing. At least my video research is paying off. Meanwhile...down in the basement. uh oh Pants told me not to open da box. "You'll make toys and LIKE it, you pointy-eared, flaxen-haired fairy!" That's strange, I thought I heard a background explosion.

Elf vs. Pants 2: Remorse & Revenge by umfumdisi 8-08-03

My faithful servant reduced to ash? Damn that merry elf. Well, my angular friend, abyssus abyssum invocat! I know it's really off-season, but since you're on your way back from vacation, could you just drop this package off at the North Pole PO? Certainly, Elf is lucky to have a friend who sends him presents in August. At the North Pole PO: That package was marked, "DENTAL SUPPLIES." Are you sure it's for you? Yes. And it's from Rudolph--how thoughtful.

Elf vs. Pants 4: The Trouble with Homonyms by umfumdisi 8-09-03

A letter arrives at Pants HQ: "Mr. Pants: It behooves me to inform you that the package you sent was opened by my beloved roommate, Hermie." "Poor Hermie could little resist a box which seemingly contained the implements of his chosen profession." "As our efforts to eliminate each other have thusly failed, I propose a cerebral battle at Chess Square. I will bring another package. The loser of the game must open the package. ELF." The little buggerer wants to mate me.

Elf vs. Pants 4: Things Come To A (Murray) Head by umfumdisi 8-09-03

Let's go Pants--I'll take your measure, cuff your pieces, and hem your King into a corner before you can say Jack Sprat! You're such a Spazz-ky. Still, your comments are almost as pointed as your ears. I'll open with e4. Ah, the Sicilian with a Dragon--you have some skill. I'll try the Najdorf Variation. Several Moves Later... Najdorf--HA! Even "Dorf on Chess" couldn't help you now.

[Click to view comic: 'Elf vs. Pants 5: Endgame']

uh, don't worry about the numbering--they're in order

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

first, your money should be IN pants.

2nd--I checked usatoday.com, and the current line shows Tobor pretty much even money at 4:3, followed closely by Jesus (he's hard to defeat, you know) at 3:2. the asiangirls are dead even at 2:2. Long shots include various gabes at 50:1, jamalia at 100:1, and dil at 1000:1.

4. i don't think it's too late to start a pool

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

did i say pants? i meant spigot. GOOOOO SPIGOT!

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Zombie isn't in, so I'm going for pumpkin.... Oh shit, vs. brad first round.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Zombie is in. You've just seen a quarter of the entries. (If you must know, his first round match will be against Duck.)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

crabby--your setup cracked me up

as for the Battle Royal, it looks like "surprise ending" is kicking the shit out of "well-worn cliche"

or is a surprise ending actually a cliche?

hmmm

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Lenny gives Death a red-ass beatdown, pt. 1 by boorite 8-11-03

God, I know I haven't been in touch lately, but if you could please, please, just let me draw an easy opponent... Hi, is this the Battle Royal? You must be Lenny. Swell. Thanks, God.

Lenny gives Death a red-ass beatdown, pt. 2 by boorite 8-11-03

You better watch out. I took three months of Taekwondo in college. I'm Death. I can break a board with my head.

Lenny gives Death a red-ass beatdown, pt. 3 by boorite 8-11-03

I know how to beat Death! I'll cut out the between-meal Doritos... ...and I'll start going to the gym! Die. And I'll get thse gnarly moles looked at... hey, where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you!

Lenny gives Death a red-ass beatdown, pt. 4 by boorite 8-11-03

That Lenny didn't put up much of a fight. Well, there's something you don't know... Right before your match, he wrote an epic fantasy novel incorporating Teutonic mythology and classic heroic themes. So let me guess. Lenny cheats Death by achieving immortality through his art. No. The book totally sucks.

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What others say about boorite!

Click on these if you want to see the latest bracket 1 and bracket 2 info.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

BR1: Death Clown! Death Clown! DEATH CLOWN! Part 1 by kramer_vs_kramer 8-08-03

... and the big dog said "woof woof!" and the cat said "meow!" Hahaha! You're so funny, Mr Rube. You're the funniest man in town! Look at him, muscling in on our turf. Someone needs to teach that amateur that it's us clowns who run this town. But what we gonna do, Chuckles? We're going to do what the handbook says we do in this situation. You're going to have to whack him. I've been meaning to ask you about that. I don't think "American Psycho" counts as an official clown handbook.

BR1: Death Clown! Death Clown! DEATH CLOWN! Part 2 by kramer_vs_kramer 8-08-03

So, Kinko. You know what you're doing. Old Man Rube's always in the park this time of day. Go and whack him. Oh, and try and look inconspicuous.

BR1: Death Clown! Death Clown! DEATH CLOWN! Part 3 by kramer_vs_kramer 8-09-03

Aaah. What perfect weather it is for a nice walk in the park. Not so fast, Mr Rube! Us clowns have had enough of you stealing our thunder. Tonight - you die!!! So, it comes to this. Look sonny, I've had clowns trying to kill me in every town I've been, and I'm still alive to tell the tale. Is that right? So, you're the notorious tri-stae clown killer? Actually, no. I'm the notorious clown-castrator. Bugger.

BR1: Death Clown! Death Clown! DEATH CLOWN! Part 4 by kramer_vs_kramer 8-11-03

You clowns don't get it, do you? Nobody finds you funny any more. That's not true! The kids love our crazy hijinks! I'm afraid not. They'd all rather be watching the television that watch you prat about with a bucketful of glitter and stupid big shoes. But... but I spent years training for this! I studied for fours years in Paris! And now you're telling me my life is meaningless? In fact, most people nowadays think there's somethind sordid about clowns. That would explain why I haven't had a shag for six years.

BR1: Death Clown! Death Clown! DEATH CLOWN! Part 5 by kramer_vs_kramer 8-11-03

So, you see, your life is pointless. You should just kill yourself now. You're right. I'm going to set fire to myself right now. What? I wan't being serious. Don't kill yourself! Aaagh! Put me out, quick! Use that bucket of water over there! Hold on, that's not water, it's glitter! Nooo! Hoist by my own petard!