All comics by Misfit

Profile

 

by Misfit
1-12-03
I'm so proud of myself! I just got rid of my Lexus and SUV and bought a Prius!
But you helped hijack an airliner by driving them for the past few years!
Well, I got rid of them.
But you still use gasoline, bought from countries that support terrorism.
Care to join me in my jacuzzi?
Sorry. I have to go buy some pot and support more murderous thugs!

 

by Misfit
1-14-03
I don't know if, ya know, I want to do like, ya know, the whole THING.
So, what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?
If I say I want to go home, that means STOP.
Stop what? You drove!
So, are you mad at me that I made you stop during sex?
Did you? I was asleep!

 

by Misfit
1-14-03
I'ts three in the morning and you're drunk again! I swear I'm leaving you tomorrow!
Aww, honey, don't leave! I promise, never again! I'll change, I swear!
A week later...
Gawd you stink! Where the hell have you been? And what's that smell? Are you smoking dope again? I swear I'm gonna leave tomorrow!
Aww, honey, I quit drinkin'! Give a guy a break! I swear, I'll change tomorrow!
The next morning...
Honey? Where ya goin,? Don't leave! I've had a metamorphosis!

 

by Misfit
1-16-03
When I get older I'm going to college at the University of Michigan!
Yea, kid, well you better change your name to Jamal and hope your parents break up in the meantime!
Mom, I'm sending a resume to Johnson & Johnson for a chemist position!
That's great, Anthoine, but you better change your name to "Andrew" and leave out your community activities with the NAACP.
Wha you wan' to be when we grow up, Roberto?
We going to play second base and short stop, Tino!

 

by Misfit
1-16-03
It finally happened. And as predicted, cockroaches survived the nuclear war.
Yo, dude! Seen anyone around?
Just some lawyer guy.
Wow, the last man standing is a lawyer!
I'm Steve Feldman. Need a good defense?

 

by Misfit
1-16-03
Bab's Deal with the Devil
Ok, you got a deal, Bub. Eternal youth for my soul!
Now if I could only get her to quit singing.
Militant Whacko's Deal with the Devil
So what you're saying is if I drive a truck filled with explosives into the Federal Building, I'll get eternal life?
Immortality, dude. Immortality.
Steve Feldman's Deal with the Devil
I did a helluva job defending that Westerfield scumbag. Where's my payola?
I've got your prime real estate right here.

 

by Misfit
2-08-03
Michael, circa 1985
Whoa, dude, who are you?
I am Michael Jackson, the King of Pop!
Michael, circa 1999
Can I stay at Never Land with You?
I love all little children, and I am the King of Pop!
One too many metamorphoses later...

 

by Misfit
5-14-03
April, 2003: Public Defender
Mr. Peterson, I have some bad news for you. You are to be held without bail. But don't worry, I have tried lots of cases before, and none of my clients have been executed...yet.
Where's the driving range around here?
May, 2003: Mark Geragos
Scotty! I have great news for you! Hey, glad you lost the goatee! I have found three credible witnesses that will prove your factual innocence! I'm gonna make you a star!
Where are the chicks you promised?
A few years later...Old Goat
Mr. Peterson, I have some bad news for you. Your appeals have run out. Your family is broke. Your goose is cooked.
Spankin' Dude!

 

by Misfit
5-14-03
Geoff and Junkyard Jayne
Jayne, Amber is a star. She is going to be the next centerfold for Playboy! She is going to have her own talk show!
She could be soliciting! She's working a massage parlor! She's a bimbo! She's a Cinderella wannabe!
Ted and Cyril
Laci went on a romantic cruise with Scott. She fell overboard. She had a pet monkey. There is no cause of death. Where is Modesto, anyway?
The disarticulation was propogated by the endometriotic patrionization of parsitic plebean mortified petrification!
Mr. Frey
Moo
I coulda sweard I had those pictures around here somewheres.

 

by Misfit
5-17-03
This is Geraldo Rivera, reporting from the front lawn of the Peterson home, where a pile of witches ashes were left, ostensibly to place a curse on poor Mr. Peterson!
Here I am on Brooks Island, where a source from the Defense has handed me this obviously satanically dismembered limb, which was mysteriously discovered in the back of Scott Peterson's boat today!
If these cultists are not trying to frame Scott Peterson, may God strike me dead!

 

by Misfit
5-17-03
January, 2003
Laci is pregnant! She was taken for the baby! She is still out there! Call my tip line! She has been sighted all over the country!
Scott is the kindest, gentlest soul you will ever meet. Of course I didn't ask him if he was involved! That would be unapproachable!
April, 2003
I feel like I'm living in Nazi Germany! The KGB is after my son! He has no friends who weren't drunk for an alibi! You better never get drunk! The Gestapo planted evidence!
From the first minute they looked at him they knew he was guilty...er, I mean they thought he was guilty. My kid isn't guilty. This is just a media crucifiction. Nancy Grace hates men!
May, 2003
AHHHHH!!! THE VOODOO WITCH CULT SATANISTS WERE HERE!

 

by Misfit
5-18-03
Whorealdo Exclusives
I am speaking with Dr. Scheisskupf, famous proctologist, who has been employed by the Peterson defense to examine the remains. Dr. Scheisskupf, what are your findings?
Vell, Herr Aldo, I seenk zee body shose Zigns of Zevere Mootilation und zee murterer karft un Swastika und farious un zundry zimbols of ze occult. Vich makes me beleef zis is za vork of ze devil.
In an exclusive interview with a known Modesto cult member, sir, what can you tell me about the ritual sacrifices your group perpetrates on the unsuspecting citizens of California?
We hate cats.
Breaking news on Fox: Laci Peterson was abducted, drowned and partially devoured by none other than the Loch Ness monster! I am awaiting an exclusive interview...Nessy? Where are you, Nessy?

 

by Misfit
5-22-03
Scotty Boy! Good job on the Yoga! Now I want you to start reading classic literature, psychology and intellectual pulp.
Can't I just get some Playboy's? I heard Amber is gonna be a Centerfold next month.
I'm Elaine, from the Stanilaus County Public Library. I have the books you requested: "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Mainenance," "Sound and Fury" and "The Interpretation of Dreams," by Freud.
Thank you. I am taking this time to broaden my mind, and gain spiritual enlightenment.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

by Misfit
5-22-03
Troll invasion in the wee hours of the morning
That dogface is asleep! Let's invade the Blog. We will unseat that Misfit Queen! She is mediocre at best! She thinks she is so great, we'll poopitus all over her!
Take that you warped wannabees!
Delete. (check) Ban IPs (check) Trace ISP.(check) You can run but you can't hide, Losers!

 

by Misfit
5-25-03
Late night April 17, 2003
Hola, mi corazon! How about a little party?
Ju are so cute! Vamanos, mi carido!
In a nearby hourly motel...
AARGH! Damn! Not again!
Ees hokay, ju know, eet happens.
It will never happen again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are an amazing woman! Take me to Mexico? I have Ten thousand dollars...that'll buy a lotta Viagra!

 

by Misfit
5-26-03
Chris, what can we do to improve our image with the misfits?
Jayne, I suggest you give me some of your testosterone, and I give you some of my estrogen. But I'm hanging on to the lip gloss!
Those losers over at misfits just don't see us the way we really are! They don't see our true selves, just the distorted image the media shows.
That's right, Jayne. I really wish they could see us for who we really are.
After the Makeover...
Great makeover, Chris! Do I reflect my true self, now?
Yes, Jayne, and do I? Wonderful shade of pink. Where's Nancy with that perfume?

 

by Misfit
5-26-03
Thank you! I'm Bernie Grimm and I used to be a defense lawyer! What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?... A judge!
clap. clap. clap.
And God said: 'Let there be Satanic cults, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satanic cults!
Hmm..tough crowd tonight, maybe they don't like my glasses.
Keep your day job!

 

by Misfit
6-07-03
After the June 6 Hearing
Scott, I know we discussed the "kleenex cue," but buddy, you let me down! You gotta get those tears flowing, pal!
Sorry, Mark. I ordered this stuff from the back of "Boys Life" magazine that should help me out next time. Those boys in there are pretty cute, too! heh heh.
Two weeks later...
"Cryagra: Proven effective for visible, long-lasting tears for any occasion. Take one tablet ten minutes before desired display of camera-ready crocodile tears. Pity guaranteed or your money back."
At the preliminary hearing...
Scott Peterson went through three boxes of kleenex today, with what appeared to be terrible allergies, causing him chronic watery eyes, a runny nose, and loud choking sounds throughout the trial.
You shoulda stuck with the fake ones, Scooter.

 

by Misfit
6-08-03
Sweetie, I've hired a famous psychic, Noreen whatserface, to find Laci for us! Here is a check, don't forget to mail it right away! And send her one of Laci's shoes and a sweatshirt for her to read.
Ok, Ma. You know I can't eat or sleep or work, so I can't go to the mailbox, either. Get Dad to mail it.
Noreen Renier Does a Reading
I see a man, a murder, a submerged body; someone she knows; violence. Her husband? Someone close to her...
Ma reads the report...
So, did she get me off the hook, Ma?
AHH! You sent her the wrong shoe! Get my money back! You didn't mail the check, did you?

 

by Misfit
6-12-03
Junkyard and Pixie
It's about time they issued a gag order! That Amber makes me gag! And that Gloria Allred, pulheeeze! She should have been gagged weeks ago! Both of them, just looking to cash in on Scott!
I wish they would gag Nancy, or at least fire her. She is always stealing my spotlight, and she never shares her beauty tips...wench!
Geraghoul and Whoraldo
Well, Rivera, I won't be able to do that interview after all, heh heh! I guess you'll have to keep calling you-know-who for the leaks. But remember, you didn't hear it from me!
You've blown me off for the last time, Mark. That's the thanks I get for sanctioning your stupid satanic cult theory. You want a war, buddy, You got one!
McAllister and Witness for the Defense
Dang! Just when I was getting my "travelling circus" theory off the drawing board! You know what criminals those carnies are! Cult members, every one of 'em.
Does this mean I don't get my fifty bucks?

 

by Misfit
6-13-03
Tonight we have Vera, who sighted a suspicious brown van recently, Vera, why did this van catch your attention?
Ummm not trying to be uppity or nuthin' but it was a piece of junk, couldnta cost more than $200, but it had tinted windows!
Uhhh, ok Vera, um, and you called the police about this van?
Not right away. I don't remember. Oh yea, I called them about two days after. Or was it two days ago? I didn't want to get involved. Now I do. Thanks for having me. I just wanna...
Cut her off..cut her off...cut to break!
I think they were homeless drug addicts on WET. Yeah, the were definitely light skinned hispanic junkies on PCP. Something like that. I could tell.

 

by Misfit
6-14-03
You have a lot of nerve, Gloria, making those slanderous misstatements about the defense on Greta's show! You are in direct violation of the gag order!
Oh spare me, Mark! It was in direct reference to public records of the case, which every literate person has read, which I guess rules out you and your client!
I have filed a complaint against you and your meddling in this case! You will be silenced if it's the last thing I do!
Mark, I didn't think it was possible for you to make a bigger jackass of yourself than you already have, but I see there is no depth to which your buffoonery won't sink!
Well done, Glo. You rock, babe.
Never understimate the power of a woman!

 

by Misfit
6-15-03
Whoa, dude, you are like a celebrity around here, I heard everybody wants a piece of ya!
Dude, I am the most famous person you'll ever meet. You oughta be grateful I'm in here, you can all kiss my ...
Yeah, you get the royal treatment, dude. Love letters, a putting green, man, I heard ya even have a food taster!
Heh. My suit cost more than what you made in a year. I'm on TV every night. You want my autograph?
Hey, I know you're cool. 'Course ya didn't do nothin'. None of us did, man. We're all innocent, dude.
I'll remember all the little people when I get out, don't worry.

 

by Misfit
6-17-03
Mr. Peterson, this is AT&T Wireless customer service. Your account is seriously past due. Please call our toll free line to make arrangements for immediate payment.
Mr. Peterson, this is Cingular customer service calling about your account. There has been no payment made since March of this year, and we are sorry to inform you that your service is terminated.
Yes, Mr. Peterson, this call is about your Nextell wireless account. Please call our customer service line immediately to prevent discontinuation of your service.
Hi Scott, this is Tammy from Sprint PCS regarding your overdue account. Please dial star 3 on your phone to connect with our accounts payable to prevent interruption of your service.
Mr. Peterson? This is Brenda Brown? Your neighbor? I am just calling to see when you are going to pay for those Girl Scout cookies I delivered back in March?
Now, that's really deadbeat!

 

by Misfit
6-17-03
Come on Lee! Hurry up with that lemonade stand and hide that Jaguar! I need to sell these buttons and lemonade! We need sympathy! We need money!
Boy, I could sure use a nice, cold glass of lemonade, ma'am.
That'll be $5, and you get a "Free Scott Peterson" button on the house! Tell your family and friends! Tell the world!
Hey, Retz, what's that new display by your office?
Oh, just a little home business I started. I'm selling "FRY SCOTT PETERSON" buttons for a buck. They cost more than that, but I'll make it up in volume!

 

by Misfit
6-18-03
Alexis watches Junkyard Jayne on LKL
No evidence! They arrested him with no evidence! There is no forensics that show premeditation! This is a death penalty case and they have NO evidence!
ARRGGHH!! That Junkyard Whinetramp makes me so mad, I feel smoke coming out my ears! She is so stupid it is maddening! arrrgh!
Whoa! Alexis! What the heck happened to you? You have feet coming out your ears! Whassup?
WHAAAAT? Oh my goodness, where is a mirror? What happened to me? It's that Junkyard witch! She turns me into a monster every time I have to listen to her screaming lunacy!
Looks in the mirror...
Whew! Glad that wore off fast!

 

by Misfit
6-19-03
I'm gonna deal with that Zionist pig, Jesus. My brother, Gabriel, will inflict holy revenge, and all will know our white superiority! Amen!
Yeah, he lives in Monterey, California, name's Todd Stevenson, supports Israel and had a negro in his wedding!
Bob Peterson, Del Ray, got it!
Captain Kirk, I think the Aryan Nation killer is your best theory yet!
Yup, Mark, I got a million of 'em.

 

by Misfit
6-19-03
At the tone the time will be...4:24 pm....BEEP....at the tone the time will be 4:25 pm....BEEP...at the tone the time will be 4:26 pm...BEEP....at the tone the time will be...
Oh, Lord, please give me strenth.
Pizza Hut? yes, I'd like to order a large pepperoni for pickup....(static) Yeah, this is Jack Peterson, I'm calling to confirm my tee time at 10:00?....(static) Hey Ma? Did you pick up my dry cleaning
Where is that clerk? I need some coffee desperately. my gawd, that boy is an idiot.
Hey, Angela! This is Scott...yeah, from the Shack! hey! Howa doin! (pages turning in little black book).. Hi Jennifer, yeah! long time, howya doin? (sound of pages turning) Jonie? Is that you?
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

 

by Misfit
6-20-03
To the Cleveland Police Department
Some lawyer in California sent a subpoena for the records of those unsolved "Torso Murders" here back in the 30's and 40's!
Whaddaya expect from those kooks on the Left Coast? I don't even know where those files are, heck, they're older than I am!
To the Estate of Elliot Ness
Grandma, you've recieved a subpoena for Grandad's notes on the Kingsburry Torso murders, they might have a similar case in California!
Oh, don't remind me of that. He was so close to solving those. Worst years of our life, dearie.
To Captain Hook's Ship
Cap'n, there's this here sup-peena for the records about your fight with that yellow eyed beast!
Aye, matey! Never smile at a crocodile!

 

by Misfit
6-26-03
"Dear Pen Pal: I am having a great time on my summer vacation, learning a lot about the stars and phases of the moon from the view out my window..."
"I take vigorous walks on the roof and look down upon all the poor saps of Modesto...suckers!!"
"I also get personally escorted everywhere I go, including important court events in which I am the star! I am a celebrity!"

 

by Misfit
6-27-03
Retz and Bob the Builder play the "What's This Dollar Amount Stand For?" Game...
Ok, I got one for ya: $33.50!
Ummmm...what a carton of cigarettes cost you yesterday?
Nope. Guess again.
Umm...how much the printer cartridge cost?
Nope. It's how much child support I have received for Nathan in all of 2003!
Ugggh! I guess that means you want a raise?

 

by Misfit
7-01-03
Perry reads the riveting true crime story of the ghoulish Ed Gein...
Ed Gein is my hero. I want to be just like him. Where do I start?
Hey Coach! We're ready for the drill!
On the campus of UC Davis, Perry gathers some cadaver parts for his collection...
Hmmm. Too old and wrinkly and they stink, too. I'm gonna scrap these and get some fresh ones!
In the hotel room...
(knock knock) Maid service! Did someone call for some towels?
Heh heh...now's my chance. I'm gonna make book ends out of my first set of hands!

 

by Misfit
7-01-03
At the offices of Geraghoul & Geraghoul
Great news, Cap! I have found a connection between the torso murder in Vegas with the Peterson case!
Well, it's about da-gum time, Getagag, cuz I'm fresh outa fifties.
Gerabluff calls his favorite raving reporter...
Gerry! Whassup, dude! Mazel Tov on the wedding, my man! Time for a little leaky leaky! This Munroe dude in Alameda is our man!
I heard about it, Mark, but other than the dismemberment similarities, what's the connection? Is he a member of a satanic cult? Does he have the "666" tattoo?
Way better: he was a water polo coach. He went to U Davis! The missing parts? And our star witness, Mike, who saw Laci in the park? He's a water polo coach! I think he mighta seen Munroe at the park!
Water Polo? That's no coincidence, what are the chances they'd both be water polo coaches? I'm getting on the horn to O'Reilly right away! And, don't worry, I didn't hear it from you!

 

by Misfit
7-09-03
Junkyard and Greta
Get out of my way, Greta. I have to practice my snarls in the mirror. And why did you get your hair cut like mine? You're such a copycat!
I need to warn you, Jayne, if you don't tone it down about Amber Frey, you'll get demoted to Larry King in a new york minute.
Bernie and Ted
Hey, why do they call this the green room, anyway? It isn't even green. Heh! Anyone seen my spray-on hair? I'm startin' to look like the UPS man!
Bernie, face it, your jokes stink. Get offa your fixation with Geoff. So what you're losing your hair. Look at me! Bald is beautiful, man!
Gloria
It always helps to watch that twerp Larry King before I go on Greta! You go, Nancy! Uggh Chris Pixie lips, again. What rock did that boy crawl out from under?

 

by Misfit
7-11-03
Outside the house on Covena...
Lee! Don't forget to bring the ammo! You can never be too safe around this neighborhood with the Satanic Cult. Laci's murderer is still running loose!
I've got plenty of shells, Ma, and a couple of hand grenades I bought at the army surplus. This is America! I have the right to bear arms!
Late that night...
What was that? LEE! He's here! The muderer is here! Get 'em!
I see 'em, Ma!
When the lights go on...
You IDIOT! You shot the neighbor's dog! Hurry! Get him outa here before they find out! Oh I HATE this house!
I don't care what that wacky woman says, next time I'm staying in a hotel.

 

by Misfit
7-24-03
Ma and Pa in the mail room...
Here's another box of letters I got from Scott today, Ma. Where do you want them?
See, Lee! Our baby is LOVED! Run off some more copies of Laci's lavender cookie recipes and form letters, and don't forget to use the purple paper!
Meanwhile, back at the cellblock...
Excuse me, sir. Could I get a few more pencils? It's hard keeping up with all this fan mail! And, do you have any more of those cute memo pads with the golf clubs on them?
Several days later...in the suburbs of Provo, Utah
If you make those cookies, Marge, I swear I'll run screaming from this house...
"Please enjoy these cookies in honor of our innocent son, who pines away for his lost wife and baby, and misses the fragrant smell of lavender in the warm kitchen of his agreeable wife..."

 

by Misfit
7-25-03
Mrs. Peterson, I have recently filed a motion to close the preliminary hearing to the public. This will keep my new evidence from the distortion and lying manipulations by the media!
What new evidence? When is my baby getting out of jail! You promised he'd be out by now!
I am working on that, don't worry. There were so many leads the police didn't follow up on, we have all kinds of possibilities.
We've spent a fortune on your investigation already, Mark! Why can't you get this horrible nightmare dismissed? Where is that woman you said had ties to the cult? How much more is this going to cost?
Oh, thanks for reminding me. The motion I just filed will be another $10,000!
AHHHH! (thump)

 

by Misfit
7-25-03
Good news, Mrs. P! I have filed a motion to close the preliminary hearing and indicated I have discovered new evidence that will exculpate Scott!
What evidence? When is he getting out? Why have the hearing at all? If he's innocent, get the case dismissed! What is WRONG with you?
Well...er...I don't have any evidence, really, but I am creating lots of reasonable doubt with the public by saying that I do. Don't worry, I'll come up with something...maybe that Kimberly Ann woman!
WHAT? No evidence to get him out? How can you say that? They FRAMED him! You're making us look like JACKASSES! LEE! LEE! GET THE GUN!
What's wrong, Ma? Hey...where did Mark go?

 

by Misfit
8-01-03
Midnight in Modesto...
Hi Rita. This is Scott Peterson. I'm returning your call. I want you to know you're the only media person I will talk to, now. You're the only one I can trust, like I've known you my whole life.
Oh, Scott. That is so great! What happened to Ted? I thought you were pretty tight with him.
Nahh. Ted is a stiff. You, Rita...you are hot! Have I told you lately how great you look? Off the record, I want you to know that I think you are an amazing woman. What are you wearing right now?
Wow, Scott. I don't know what to say. I can't believe what's happenening to you. I can only imagine you need some real comfort right now...
Ten minutes later...
Goodnight, Rita. Hope it was as good for you as it was for me!
Oooh, yes, Scott. Thanks a million! Talk to you soon, big guy! Ahhh. You are sooo good. Can't wait to call you tomorrow!

 

by Misfit
8-01-03
Paying a little call on the Accused...
Scott, my man, I have to ask you, I'm sure there's a good explanation, but why did you buy a post office box on December 23?
Uhhh..that was for my mail order business. Laci and I started a "Virile Life" distribution, and I was going to use it for catalog orders, mailers, you know, stuff like that.
A "Virile Life" distributor? Ok, ummm...Sure! You were starting another part-time business to help support the new baby on the way! Good thinkin' bud!
Yea, well I never got a chance to get it off the ground, so I'm sure I'm stuck paying for all the product I was stocking in the U-Store-It, too. Cops probably took all the stuff into evidence.
Paying a visit to the Payer-sons...
Good news, Mrs. Peterson! We have a good explanation for the post office box and the storage facility! Your son is quite the entrepeneur!
What's this bill for $3,800? What the hell is "Virile Life?" My baby was working three jobs, as usual, and now I have to pay for THIS??!

 

by Misfit
8-02-03
Hey, Captain Kirk, did you file that motion to exclude the wiretap evidence like I told you?
Even better, Geraguy! I'm motionin' to throw out the whole dang law! Penal Code 629 somethin' (dang, can't remember it) is unconstitutional! My clerk wrote it, but it's dang good if I say so myself!
What? Kirk! All we need is to exclude the wiretaps based on attorney-client privilege! Whaddaya mean you motioned to throw out the whole law! What are you DOING TO ME??!!
Whu? I thought I'd go ya one better and help ever-body out this way! Imagine the appeals we can git after this!
Meanwhile, in Judge Girolami's chambers...
Lord. Give me strength. I know you gave me this case for a reason, and you, in your wisdom, know what you're doing...but if this cup can be passed from my lips...

 

by Misfit
8-06-03
In Judge Girolami's chambers...
Mr. Geragos, the motion you filed is completely blank.
Yes, your honor, I had to redact the arguments since they came from affidavits that are currently under seal by the recent appellate decision!
Well, how am I supposed to rule on blank pieces of paper?
With all due respect, your honor, you could fill in the blanks with the information from the affidavits yourself. I woud be happy to have an incamera hearing about the details!
Why didn't you just file a motion to suppress all the evidence from the police investigation like I told you! How are we supposed to prove their ineptitude?
Hey, Marky... I gotta live here when this trial is over, and you go back to Los Angle-ayse, bud!

 

by Misfit
8-07-03
The cops re-investigate the Renfrow family...
So, where was your van on December 24, sir? I know we were here five months ago, but we're just tying up some loose ends. Just the facts, sir.
The van was broke down. We didn't get it fixed til the 29th. Then it got repoed and now I don't know where it is. We only missed a coupla payments, ya know, jeese, we're homeless...
Dalton visits Donnie...
We know you did it, Donnie! You and your sicko cult! We saw the blood! We saw the Satanic symbols on your piece of crap van! You are toast, dude!
Oh for cryin' out loud, it was barbeque sauce! And that window design was just the kids scratching on the tint decal! And I don't have a freakin tattoo! What kinda morons are you?
Back at Peterson defense HQ...
So Dalton! Did the lab results come back? I can't wait to see that smug Brazelton's face when he gets a load of the evidence we got from this van! What type blood was it?
Uhhh..I think "O" boss..."O" for "Open Pit."

 

by Misfit
8-13-03
At the Albany Bulb landfill...
We've got your number, Bruce! You and your cult artists! See the octopus? See the devil? The babies? The umbilical cords? The well dressed guy in a cage! It's the crime ! You've laid it all out!
Dude. It's a love story! What are you smoking, anyway?
On the waterfront...
Finally! The buoys landed near the Richmond shorline! Excellent work, Dalton. How long have you been out here?
It only took six hours to get one of the buoys to float near Richmond, but now we know what to do to repeat it! Let them try to deny they dumped her here!
Later, consulting with the forensic experts...
So you see, Dr. Wecht. The objects floated to the shore very near where the bodies of the victims surfaced. Do you see the connection?
Ummm. When is the next flight to Pittsburgh, again?

 

by Misfit
8-13-03
On The Record...
Ted, what do you make of the cult theory and the art work on the Bay?
Well, Greta, it looks lahk mosta the walls Ah see in the neighbahoods in Warshington. Ah seen a lot worse.
In the Green Room at Fox...
Hey, who took my color by number set? I was gonna work on that while I waited to go live. Did you take it, Geoff?
That's Doctor Super Geoff to you, Beanie Weanie! What happened? Your wife wearing your pants, again?
Back at the Albany Bulb...
Captain Jolly, what are these cave paitings? I thought we agreed you were to depict my power and glory here!
Aye, Lucifer! I got carried away with me mates! I guess you'll be askin' me to walk the plank next!

 

by Misfit
9-21-03
Vivian Mitchell identifies the dog from a lineup.
That's him, Bill! I'd recognize that dog anywhere! It's that clever dog on the ball! How could anyone forget that! Mr. Geragos will be so proud!
Mike Chiavetta identifies the dog from a lineup.
I remember that dog, he was quite distinct...yeah, it was that one, the circus dog! He was doing tricks at the park, too! I was telling my dog, hey, why don't you do tricks like the Peterson pup?
Maldonado identifies the dog from a lineup.
That dog on the ball! That's the one I saw. He was ornery then, too. Look at him showing off. He was pulling on the leash, giving her a hard time. Yeah, that's him. That dog is nuthin but trouble.

 

by Misfit
9-21-03
Yeah, dude, I'm lookin for a way to get my wife's car stolen for the insurance. Maybe even carjacked. She's worth a lot dead. You know anyone interested in a job like that?
Sure, Dude! I know just the guys. It's gonna cost ya $300 bucks, got that much scratch?
Yo, Slinky, I mean Stinky...I mean DIrtDude!! Some white bread dweeb from Modesto, traveling salesguy I met at the strip joint? Just gave me $300 to meet you! Now he wants us to steal a car.
Dude's that dumb, we can take him for a grand, at least. Set it up next week with me and The Skeetmeister.
Yo, Skeetarama, the Skeetster, Skeetmeister, Skeet-o-rama, Dude! Wanna make an easy cool G tonight?
Another sucker, uh, I mean "client," heh heh. About time, I'm lookin to get me a new tat, anyway. Show hiim in!

 

by Misfit
10-15-03
Exclusive interview with Former Clients of Geragut
So, Winona, after being convicted of shoplifting and sentenced to 300 years of public service, do you think Mark Geragos will do better in the Peterson trial?
Dayo! Dayo! Daylight come and me wanna go home!
Mr. Downey, after being convicted of drug possession and tossed in the slammer, what do you think are the chances for Scott Peterson's acquittal?
Hey, you wanna get high? I have some excellent stuff here! Come to your pappy!
Susan McDougal, you seem to still hold high regard for Mark Geragos, despite your jail time! Do you think Scott Peterson is guilty?
Our justice system is a disgrace! He's no more guilty than I was! Hey, do you know if Bill is home? He still lives here, right? I've been away.

 

by Misfit
10-15-03
At Stanislaus Court House with the DA
409 pages?! You think that's great? When I file my next motion it will make "The Order of the Phoenix" look like a cocktail napkin!
Your client is toast, Marky.
Back at Geragos HQ
So, Captain, you said you have a new recruit to take Dalton's place? Is he qualified?
Yer gonna love 'em, Mark! You can betcha he'll follow orders!
In Geragos' office...
Ahh yes. I think you'll do just fine! You're hired!

 

by Misfit
10-16-03
HI! Welcome to Halloweens R Us! We have the best selection of costumes anywhere! Can I help you find something?
Yea! I want the scariest costume ya got!
Our most horrible collection this year is the Peterson Group: Todd Peterson, Mike Peterson, Scott Peterson, Ma Peterson and Kim Petersen! Guaranteed to scare the pants off your friends!
uhhh...I don't know...got anything really, really scary?
Hey, what happened to the kid?
I gotta quit showing them the Junkyard Jayne costume. Sends em running out the door everytime.

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