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A bitter message of hopeless grief--you want fries with that?
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Fred, About to Become Teacher's Pet
by
Savage
9-15-07
Oh Ed, my new girlfriend is the most wonderful woman in the world! She's a goddess!
Woah, slow down bro. What's her name? How did you meet? Tell me something about her besides "wonderful."
Her name is Manson Marilyn Schwartz. We met when I got my pants stuck in the bus door. I was scared, but she freed me. Then she slapped me.
Uh-huh. She sounds like a Girl Scout, going around rescuing the feebleminded.
No, she's a Randian therapist. She says she can help me.
A randy therapist? Bro, those are the best kind!
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Savage's Comics
06/16/09 - At Least He Won't Be Having Any Loud Parties
01/17/08 - An Unexpected Revelation
10/28/07 - Two Brothers, Only One Heart (and one brain)
09/15/07 - Romance is in the Air. Or is it?
09/15/07 - Fred, About to Become Teacher's Pet
09/12/07 - The Heart of a Drunkard
08/11/07 - Brothers Share
07/13/07 - Fred, about to Make Something of himself
06/06/07 - Creativity Cannot Exist In a Vacuum
05/19/07 - Social Services
03/21/07 - You Can't Blame a Penguin for Trying
03/05/07 - They'll Be Eating Lunch at Home
03/03/07 - Stranger in a Strange Land
03/03/07 - Penguin Bob To the Rescue
03/02/07 - An Old Friend Drops By
02/14/07 - Timmy and Tommy Take an Unplanned Trip
02/14/07 - Maybe the Professor Knows What to Do?
02/14/07 - Inter-species Dating Just Isn't Working Out For Bob
02/14/07 - Love is in the Air
12/14/06 - Crowded House
12/14/06 - Fred Shows His Visitor a Little Wanker Hospitality
12/09/06 - Old Houses Have Personality
12/09/06 - Home, Sweet Home
11/14/06 - When Selling, You Gotta Personalize the Pitch
11/08/06 - Behold, the New Wanker Manor!
11/07/06 - Truth, Justice, and the American Way
11/07/06 - Fred Meets a Mysterious Man
11/07/06 - Y'all Get Out and Vote Now, Hear?
11/07/06 - Another Brilliant Scheme, Boys!
11/07/06 - When Duty Calls, Fred Answers
11/07/06 - Fred Exercises His Civil Rights, Over and Over Again
10/31/06 - Back From the Dead--uh, sorry...
10/31/06 - Your Soul Is Much Easier To Digest
10/31/06 - Death Always Wins.
10/31/06 - Death Never Takes a Holiday, But He Does Like Parties
10/31/06 - Small Talk
10/31/06 - Perhaps They Should Shave First
10/31/06 - Dramamine Probably Won't Help
10/31/06 - You Will Soon Go On a Long Journey
10/31/06 - Always Be Polite to Aliens
10/31/06 - You Can Learn a Lot From TV
10/31/06 - Timmy and Tommy Try Again
10/31/06 - The Guests Arrive
10/31/06 - Party Crasher
10/31/06 - Party Etiquette
10/31/06 - Stuck In the Middle With You
10/31/06 - The Smutty Side of Halloween
10/31/06 - A Friend Cracks the Strip Creator's Shell
10/30/06 - Papa Joe is a Gourmet Cook
10/30/06 - Workplace Stress
10/30/06 - Movin' On
10/30/06 - Renter's Insurance Would Have Been a Good Idea
10/30/06 - See, Ed is a Caring Brother
10/27/06 - Civic Responsibility is a Heavy Responsibility
10/27/06 - Halloween Justice
10/24/06 - Timmy and Tommy Plan Ahead
10/20/06 - Always Know Your Place
09/30/06 - Can't Fool Mom
09/14/06 - Here Comes Dad, To Save the Day
09/10/06 - She Works Hard For the Money
08/31/06 - Fred Decides it's Time to Call Dad
08/31/06 - Some Questions Are Better Unasked
08/31/06 - Mom Worries
08/31/06 - Mom Checks Up On Her Boys
08/31/06 - The Strip Writer Wishes She'd Stayed in the Dungeon
06/20/06 - Yes, Fred Has a Plan
06/11/06 - And So It Begins, Again
06/03/06 - Ed Would Be a Great Dad, Don't You Think?
05/30/06 - Fred is the Target Audience
05/30/06 - Beginnings Are Always Tough
05/30/06 - Fred is Doubtful
05/29/06 - Kid Lit: The Next Big Trend
05/29/06 - Look To the Skies!
05/29/06 - And the Creative Process Begins
05/29/06 - The Brilliant Idea!
05/29/06 - Fred and Ed Are Good Sons
05/14/06 - They're Back!
06/27/05 - TV Rots Your Brain
06/27/05 - Saved by Mother Nature
06/27/05 - Lost in the Desert
06/27/05 - Frying In the Hot Oil of Nature's Indifference--nevermind...
06/27/05 - Ed Always Knows
06/26/05 - Necessity is the Mother of Invention
06/24/05 - They've Travelled Far; About a Hundred Yards
06/23/05 - Fred 'n Ed's Amazing Adventure: The Epic Begins
06/19/05 - Another Adventure Looms
06/19/05 - Ed is a Very Protective Big Brother
06/19/05 - Good Thing Fred Has Ed Around To Set Him Straight
06/19/05 - Penguin Bob Does the Best He Can
06/18/05 - Another Lightweight
06/17/05 - A Difficult Mission for Penguin Bob
06/17/05 - A Little Surprise
06/17/05 - Bob Has a Job To Do
06/17/05 - The Return of Penguin Bob
06/12/05 - Do Therapists Make Housecalls?
06/11/05 - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Unfortunately)
06/09/05 - Where's Mom?
06/09/05 - A Mother Has Ways
06/09/05 - Fred 'n Ed are Saved!
06/08/05 - Ed Props Fred Up
06/07/05 - Mom and Dad to the Rescue
06/07/05 - Fred Is Just a Pawn, In the Game of Life
06/07/05 - The Kind of Phone Call Every Parent Dreads
06/07/05 - Fred is Lonely
06/07/05 - Ed Loses His Cool
06/07/05 - Think Fast, Ed
06/06/05 - Ed Makes the Pitch
06/06/05 - Ed Has Been Thinking About Losing a Little Weight
06/06/05 - Ed Has a Plan
06/06/05 - Ed Has An Idea!
06/06/05 - Something Must Be Done!
04/25/05 - Fred 'n Ed Do Everything Together
04/25/05 - The Idiot: Or, Fred's New Career
03/31/05 - Fred 'n Ed: A New Hope
11/04/04 - Oh No!
11/04/04 - Ed Remembers...
11/04/04 - Wait, It's Coming Back To Me Now...
11/04/04 - But How DID They End Up Here?
11/02/04 - Fast Forward--What Happened?
10/31/04 - The Evil Twins
10/31/04 - Timmy and Tommy and Ed and Fred On Halloween Night
10/29/04 - Fred 'n Ed, Out On the Town
10/29/04 - Halloween!
10/29/04 - He Who Holds the Strings
10/29/04 - Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining
10/29/04 - There's Too Much Sex On TV
10/28/04 - Disgruntled Voters
10/28/04 - The Nation Is Informed
10/28/04 - A Disastrous Interview
10/28/04 - The Great Debate of '04
10/28/04 - Against His Will
10/26/04 - Boys, Boys. It's Just Part Of a Disturbing Trend
10/26/04 - A Sudden Stench
10/25/04 - A New Future Awaits You...
10/25/04 - The Strip Writer Has Another Bad Experience
10/25/04 - Dare To Dream, Little Drunkard
10/25/04 - Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon
10/25/04 - How Did He Find Them?
10/25/04 - A Dolt From the Blue
10/25/04 - Political Prisoners
10/25/04 - It Was!
10/25/04 - Could It Be?
10/25/04 - Fred Gets an Invitation
10/25/04 - Ed Practices His Diplomacy Skills
10/25/04 - A Fast Escape
10/25/04 - Searching
10/25/04 - Nearly Caught!
10/25/04 - He Just Wants the Facts, Ma'am
10/25/04 - Well, They Haven't Been Thrown Out. Yet
10/25/04 - A Moment the Boys Will Always Remember
10/25/04 - They're In! They're In!
10/25/04 - Footnotes In History
10/25/04 - Washington D.C. Under Siege: Film At Eleven
10/25/04 - Oops
10/25/04 - Fred 'n Ed Will Not Shirk Their Patriotic Duty
10/25/04 - Anticipation
10/25/04 - Another Crisis Averted
10/24/04 - Mom Comes Through For Her Boys, Yet Again
10/24/04 - Off To a Bad Start
10/24/04 - First Day At School Is Easier With a Buddy
10/24/04 - Get the camera, Dad!
10/24/04 - A New Strategy
10/24/04 - The Real Reason
10/24/04 - Nobody Talks To My Brother Like That But Me!
10/24/04 - Ed Unveils His Plan
10/23/04 - Ed Apparently Has a Plan
10/13/04 - Plans For the Big Day!
10/10/04 - Fin
10/10/04 - And In Yet Another Cell...
10/10/04 - Meanwhile, In Another Cell
10/10/04 - Bad Boys, Part Two
10/10/04 - Greet Your Brethren With a Holy Kiss
10/10/04 - Two Who Are Not Having a Happy Vacation
10/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed Do Not Get An Astronaut's Hero's Welcome
10/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed. First Drunkards In Space
10/10/04 - Leaving Las Vegas
10/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed, Running For Their Lives
10/10/04 - Meanwhile, Back At the Ranch...
10/08/04 - De Nile Is Dis Way
10/08/04 - Mom Thinks Fast On Her Feet
10/08/04 - An Unexpected Encounter
10/08/04 - Jackpot!
10/08/04 - Corruption of the Innocent!
10/08/04 - You Saw This Coming, Right?
10/08/04 - A Warning Goes Unheeded
10/08/04 - Granny Flirts With Death
10/08/04 - Beware the All-You-Can-Eat Crab.
10/08/04 - Death Takes a Holiday (Okay, a Business Trip)
10/08/04 - Fred 'n Ed Are Recognized
10/08/04 - A Touching Reunion
10/06/04 - Fred Makes Good His Escape
10/06/04 - Run Little Drunkard, Run!
10/06/04 - The Edge of Fright
10/06/04 - Waking Up In a Very Bad Place
10/05/04 - Drink Me
10/05/04 - Treasure
10/05/04 - Ed is Bummed
10/05/04 - Just Fred 'n Ed
10/05/04 - Uneasy Lies the Head That Wears a Crown
10/05/04 - Bloodshed Narrowly Averted
10/05/04 - At Last! Mecca.
09/22/04 - Another Brush With Authority
09/22/04 - Fred 'n Ed Experience the Green Fairy
09/21/04 - The Strip Writer Regrets Not Packing the Ruby Slippers
09/21/04 - Fred 'n Ed See the Slimy Underbelly of Showbiz
08/29/04 - Fred 'n Ed Are In the House
08/29/04 - In the Lobby Of the Pixiedust Hotel
08/16/04 - Small Town Boys Hit the Big City
08/16/04 - Riding the 'Hound to Paradise
08/16/04 - Fred 'n Ed Plan a Vacation!
08/15/04 - Meanwhile, Back At the Ranch House.
08/10/04 - We Now Resume Our Scheduled Program...
08/09/04 - Strip Writer Gets a Visit From Mom
08/05/04 - Timmy and Tommy Feel a Certain Unrest
08/05/04 - Fred Has Psi Connection With Strip Writer. Ed Says Shut Up
08/03/04 - The Strip Writer Must Get Out Of Her Rut
07/26/04 - The Enchilada Fiend Learns His Lesson
07/26/04 - Dream Of An Enchilada Fiend
07/22/04 - The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same
07/18/04 - The Awakening
07/18/04 - The Tree Fell In The Forest, And Only A Few Heard
07/18/04 - She Goes Insane. And Nobody Notices.
07/16/04 - The Strip Writer Does ToughLove
07/12/04 - Bob the Penguin Is Called To Duty
07/12/04 - The Strip Writer Has Run Out Of Ideas. And Bourbon.
07/11/04 - Fred Has A Bit Of A Fever Dream
07/10/04 - Doreen's Sister Is In Town
07/10/04 - Fred's Dream Turns To Ashes
07/07/04 - A Narrow Escape, Once Again
07/07/04 - Mistaken Identity, Mistaken Ideas
07/07/04 - Unconfirmed Celebrity Sighting At the Ice Cream Store
07/06/04 - Timmy and Tommy Had a Good Time. Probably.
07/05/04 - Timmy and Tommy Arrive At Doreen and Joe's Desert Palace
07/05/04 - Timmy and Tommy Journey To the Land Of Eternal Drought
07/03/04 - Fred Kisses And Tells
07/03/04 - Fred Loses His Innocence
07/02/04 - Fred 'n Ed Go Shopping
07/02/04 - Penguin Bob Muses Over His Narrow Escape
07/01/04 - Granny Wonders
07/01/04 - Granny Pays A Visit; Meets Penguin Bob
06/30/04 - A Very Pleasant Night Ahead Indeed
06/29/04 - Mom Makes A New Friend
06/29/04 - Mom Comes To An Obvious Though Incorrect Conclusion
06/28/04 - Tommy and Timmy (when he wakes up) Are In Big Trouble
06/28/04 - Fred and Tommy Worry About Their Brothers
06/25/04 - Fred 'n Ed Make a Potentially Disastrous Decision
06/25/04 - Timmy and Tommy Spend a Night In the Graveyard
06/25/04 - A Lifestyle Decision
06/24/04 - Another Romantic Evening Spoiled
06/21/04 - Dad Is Confused. Penguin Bob Might Get Hurt
06/21/04 - A Daring Escape Plan Is Hatched, Sort Of
06/20/04 - Fred 'n Ed Underwater
06/20/04 - I'm Seeing Double Again
06/20/04 - It's All About Marketing, Baby
06/20/04 - Mom Knows What Dad Likes
06/20/04 - Mom and Dad and Penguin Bob--Suburban Smut
06/19/04 - Dad Explains the Facts of Life To Fred
06/19/04 - Dad Has To Bail Mom Out Of Jail
06/17/04 - Fred 'n Ed Bring Supplies Out To Their Parents.
06/16/04 - Ed and Dad Have a Heart To Heart Talk
06/16/04 - Mom and Dad Move To the Desert. Fred Wonders Why.
06/14/04 - The Twins Got Away With It. For Now...
06/14/04 - A Touching Family Reunion
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Find New Jobs
06/14/04 - Ed Is A Damn Good Driver
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Decide That It Is Time To Leave.
06/14/04 - Ed Lights Fireworks. Fred Is Tinkerbell. Panic and Wonder.
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Prepare To Make Disneyland History
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Manage a Narrow Escape
06/14/04 - Ed Saves Fred From the Evil Clutches Of That Hussy SnowWhite
06/14/04 - Can't You Just See the Dramatic Reunion Coming?
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Are Separated
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Visit the Haunted Mansion
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Are Pirates. Aaarrrrrrr!
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Take A Jungle Cruise; Only One Comes Back
06/14/04 - Fred Makes a New Friend; Ed Is Secretly Jealous
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Visit the Mouse House
06/14/04 - Fred Has the Meal Of His Dreams; Ed Buys Him a T-shirt
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed, Working Hard For Their Money
06/14/04 - Fred 'n Ed Get Pulled Over On the Autopia
06/14/04 - Fred Is Disappointed; Ed Consoles Him
06/14/04 - The Further Magic Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Visit Main Street and Discover Magic
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Have a Little Trouble With the Blender
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Ride the Disneyland Choo-Choo
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Have Further Troubles With Disneyland Security
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Try To Enter the Home Of the Mouse
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Take the Disneyland Tram
06/13/04 - Fred 'n Ed Prepare For Their Disneyland Trip
06/12/04 - Fred 'n Ed Plan a Nice Daytrip
06/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed's Mom Has a "Date."
06/10/04 - Fred and Ed Are Sad
06/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed's Undersea Adventures
06/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed Bring a Little Something To the A.A. Meeting
06/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed's Christmas Memories
06/10/04 - Ed Makes Dinner For Fred Once Again
06/10/04 - Fred 'n Ed Visit the Nuclear Power Plant
06/09/04 - The Spooky Adventures of Freaky Fred 'n Eerie Ed
06/09/04 - Fred 'n Ed's Adventures in Skydiving
06/09/04 - The Fabulous Flying Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/09/04 - The Further Culinary Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/09/04 - The Exciting Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/08/04 - Ed Gets a New Hobby. Fred goes to the hospital
06/08/04 - Fred 'n Ed's New Career Is Going Well. So Far.
06/07/04 - The Drunken Sports Fan Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/07/04 - The Wacky Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/07/04 - The Mad Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/07/04 - The Lovelorn Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/07/04 - The Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - Fred 'n Ed's New Career
06/06/04 - The I'm Telling You For Your Own Good Adventures of Fred'nEd
06/06/04 - The Alcoholic Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Brain Damaged Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Dutiful Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Salacious Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Forgetful Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Confused Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - Fred Tells Ed His Really Cool Idea
06/06/04 - The Drunken Adventures of Fred 'n Ed
06/06/04 - The Adventures of Fred 'n Ed: The Booze Brothers
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