All comics by bikity

 

by bikity
1-19-01
Welcome back once again for another exciting episode of "Pimpin' for Dummies"
Hi, I'm Well Endowed, and I'm here to help you honey impaired men how to be a player. Rule One: A good pickup line is essential to pickin up da honeys.
Notice how our resident pimp (knwon as pimpus erectus in scientific circles) "get his mack on" as he woos the ladies with his phat compliments
hey, wanna freak my gnads?
Ok big boy, but only cause you is such a smooth talker.
With a little practice, you too can be as smooth as our resident Pimp.
Be sure to tune in next for next weeks episdoe "Don't be a playa hata! Be a congratulata!"

 

by bikity
1-19-01
And so I tell the skeezer that if she doesn't like it that she can get the heck out of my house. Stupid heffer.
You know you're going to hell

 

by bikity
1-19-01
When last we left our heros...
You know you're going to hell.
Screw you lard ass.

 

by bikity
1-19-01
Did you hear kevin had a date tonight?
Yeah...he's whipped.

 

by bikity
1-19-01
Yeah, so kevin had a date tonight, what about you sir jerk a lot?
Well, I uh... er.... uh... gee... uh...
Nobody likes you fatty

 

by bikity
1-19-01
My body sucks.... can't i get a new one?
sure buddy
Sim sim salabim!
Just say the magic words...
not funny
Wait just a damn minute... how'd i end up as an asian woman????

 

by bikity
1-19-01
Let's go check out the skanks at the bowlin alley
But thats where I met my girl!
Look...There's Jake and Arlo.
Who is that with them?
OOH!!!!! look at that ass.Boy I tell you what I would......
Yeah but I don't want to hear it.Just shut up and bowl horndog.I got my lovin already tonight.!!!!

 

by bikity
1-19-01
This is more fun than my trip to Pearson.
Yeah but slappin' you meat on the way back was the most fun you had !!
Well I had all the readhead I could handle tonight.
You know your head is red from lack of lubricant on you hands !!
Whats you problem crybaby?
She had one hand on my ponytail and the other........ooh my goodness

 

by bikity
1-20-01
So, I'm going to hell. And we all know you are too, but what about all the rest of your friends?
Hrmmm, the fat bastard does have a point. That is a lot of people...
Guess we'll have to charter a bus.
HELL YEAH!

 

by bikity
1-20-01
Well, now that we'd determined that we were gonna have to charter a bus to hell, it was up to me to get the guest list.
So Jake, me n' craig have decided to charter us a bus to hell. You wanna come?
And you know this, man!!!
hmmmm... I think i know.
So, who you gonna get to drive the bus?
Kevin
Kevin

 

by bikity
1-20-01
Now, all i had to do was talk kevin into driving our little traveling caravan to hell.
So, we've decided that since pretty much everyone wwe know is bound for hell, me and craig would go ahead and charter a bus.
So, what's this got to do with me?
Well... we need somebody to drive the bus.
And you want me to do this? Hmmmm, will there be beer?
Yes.
I am so in!!!!

 

by bikity
1-20-01
Hello, and welcome back to another exciting episode of "Pimping for Dummies" with your host, Well Endowed!
Hi, and welcome back ! On today's episode we'll be discussing the importance of.. hu?
Well, it appears that we have a special guest on our show today... ladies and gentlemen, Sylvester Stallone!!!!
ADRIAN!!!
What? you ain't Sly! That's it... I'm calling my lawyers.

 

by bikity
1-21-01
lordy... what a hot bodied woman she be. well jimbo me boy, time to ask her out.
so, um, hanna jane... if you ain't doing nothing this weekend, i was thinking maybe we could like... uh... hang out... or something....
oh no, i was afraid this might happen. well, as much as i hate to do this. i guess i have to do it.
AARGH!!!!!
amazing mental ability

 

by bikity
1-21-01
it's the end of the world. you were xpecting a punch line?

 

by bikity
1-21-01
don't turn your back on me boy. i'll eat your soul.
and when he's done with your soul i'll feast on your liver.
and then, we'll have our vile way with your girlfriend.
and mock your puny american government.
and then we shall set thine buttox on fire foul heathen!
and i'll.... oh dear... i thank he shat himself.

 

by bikity
1-21-01
welcome back to another episode of "you had to be there"
man, i can't believe i did that!!!
i know, it was so cool!
do you think it will leave a mark?
one time i beat a member of the Klu Klux Klan to death with a flashlight.

 

by bikity
1-21-01
so blake, all of us had dates this weekend. what about you?
yeah, when you gonna get some lovin?
yeah! you need to get some poon-tang hoser!
uh... i ahh... uhh... well... er... uh... DAMMIT!
well damn... i guess we picked on him so much he just went and spontaineously combusted... so, who's gonna bowl in his place???

 

by bikity
1-22-01
behind me is an artist rendering of infinity.
damn, infinity sure is boring.

 

by bikity
1-22-01
so these two guys walk into a bar
you suck robot!
and the guy walks up to the bar and...
get off the stage!!! pissant!!!
yeah, i remember the first time i had a beer
steve martin did it better!!!

 

by bikity
1-22-01
Another way to avoid death:
Come child! your time on this earth is past.
I don't wanna die! I'm to young to die!
It's your time. you must come with me.
if you don't leave me alone i'll be forced to show you my bare ass.
hi, i'm his bare ass
*sigh* you get all types with this job.

 

by bikity
1-22-01
Now, a good pickup line isn't everything. sometimes it helps to just be pretty.
So, hey baby... what say me, you, and about 27 and a half hours of hot passionate monkey sex?
uh... no thanks huggy bear.
Why not?
Sorry, you're just not my type.
You sure? I've got this one eyebrow cocked and this bow tie on, and i must say i'm looking pretty sexy.
not even if you were the last man in texas

 

by bikity
1-24-01
Moral Dilema: A situation which causes your morals to be placed in a comprimising situation
the other day my friend asked me if i would buy him some porn.
i asked him why i should buy him porn when the internet is mostly porn sites?
he told me i should buy him a porn b/c it was pretty damn hard to find an extension cord long enough to get his monitor into the bathroom.

 

by bikity
1-24-01
my girlfriend dumped me for some bunghole who lives in the dorm.
she claims she's so much happier with him and how he "meets her needs" or something. I got my revenge though.
Word to the Wise: It's always best to ditch the can of gasoline and the matches if you're going to stick around to watch the fire burn.

 

by bikity
1-24-01
When in public there are several rules and ideas that one should follow.
Sometimes there are some questions you just probably shouldn't ask.
For example, it's probably best not to ask who ass raped your mother's favorite camel. it's just not kosher.
you must be the smartest man alive.

 

by bikity
1-25-01
Somewhere in Hell...
*RING*... *RING*
*RING*... *RING*
the Devil is laughing...
Thank you for calling AOL... your call is important to us... please stay on the line and an operator will be with you shortly...

 

by bikity
1-26-01
Next on Pay Per View: Deep Impact....
Hrmmm... got to order that...
If we don't act soon... that meteor will crash ionto the earth...
Wait a minute... This isn't a porn!!!

 

by bikity
1-26-01
so, what you oding this weekend?
Oh, i dunno... the usual, bum around town... rent a movie... hang out with my girlfriend....
What about you, what are you doing?
Well, first I figured I'd kick back a few fifth's of motor oil, molest the elderly, and then go back to my room where I would cry myself to sleep. You know, same as every weekend
Have you ever considered professional counseling?

 

by bikity
1-26-01
Whoa... Deja Vu...
What did you just see?
Whoa... Deja Vu...
What did you just see?
There is definatley a glitch in the Matrix
Whoa... Deja Vu...
What did you just see?

 

by bikity
1-28-01
Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner... for that is what I'd truly like to be....
For if I was an Oscar Meyer weiner...
Chick's still wouldn't be interested in you.

 

by bikity
1-28-01
You know, I know there's a lot of great things about being me, but do you know what the best thing is?
Nope, sure don't.
Chicks dig me.
it's amazing...
How did you say that with a straight face?

 

by bikity
1-28-01
and you'll just have to keep on waiting.

 

by bikity
1-28-01
A prison some where in Mexico
Well, one thing can be said for our stay in this mexican prison. I've learned spanish words I never would have heard in Mexico proper
Like what?
Quepato!
What's that mean?
For twenty packs of cigarette's i will cut of your penis in the prison steam press and make you a woman.
that's not a word!!! hell!!! we aren't even in mexico!!!

 

by bikity
1-29-01
I suppose several of you are wondering how I found myself placed in this compromising situation.
Well, I must tell you...
It's amazing the things you'll try when you think sex will result from doing it.

 

by bikity
1-29-01
Hey. What's he doing over there?
Him? Oh... He's tryin to hypnotize women into going out with him by using the "Jedi Mind trick or something"
Meanwhile:
Gaze into my evil eye. You want me. Badly. You feel yourself strangley attracted to my man love.
Get away nutjob!!!
Word of Advice: Do, or do not. There is no try.
Hrmmm.... I wonder if it would work on him....

 

by bikity
1-29-01
HU? Who? What? Oh... hi...
Don't really have anything to say here. This guy just like's to use me in the comics cause he thinks I look damn cool.
Yep... same here.

 

by bikity
1-29-01
Hey Forrest? If you Lean on my back, and I lean on yours... dat way we won't have to sleep with our hed's in da rain.
Yur so smart bubba, let's start a shrimpin' company!!!
So, dat's lil' forrest... is he???? you know???
no forrest... he takes after his mamma!!!
And dat bullet jumped up and bit me in da buttox.... wanna see?
Son, you show me that thing and it will be my presidential duty to kick your cracker @$$!!!

 

by bikity
1-29-01
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will... hey what are you doing with that hammer???
This scene taken out due to graphic violence. Instead we give you this scene of a dog on a ball
Sticks and stones may break his bones, but the hammer sure helped.

 

by bikity
1-29-01
So, here we are...
Yep, we're supposed to make some joke about gay sex or some such rubbish.
Why is that do you suppose?
I dunno.
Aparrently gay sex is funny....

 

by bikity
1-30-01
hmmm.... wonder what's on the tube tonight....
Next on Fox: Real Police Chases 47: When the coffee Breaks turn ugly.
Allright? Which one of you guys possesed the tv? *Sigh* I'm gonna need two priest. An old one, and a young one...

 

by bikity
1-30-01
Pardon me son, but I'm looking for somone to help me with an important experiment...
Sure! What is it mister scientist sir?
Well... we're looking for a few test subjects to see the effect of masturbation on the hand....
hmmmm....
Well, I'll be glad to help, but I don't masturbate by conventional methods. My way involves a ripe member of the mellon family... and a microwave...

 

by bikity
2-02-01
You know, my last girlfriend was one of those chicks who tried to get all "intellectual" while she was high.
Oh, I hate those people, why can't the just ride the wave like everybody else?
What about you, what do you do when you get high?
Mostly eat.

 

by bikity
2-02-01
So Mary, why did we go out so long? You cheated on me, I cheated on you, we both despised each other.
Oh, I dunno... there were a couple of reasons I guess
Like what?
The sex was better than average, we looked great together... and I guess the most important reason is well...
Yeah?
You were willing to buy me shit.

 

by bikity
2-03-01
So I've been listening to a whole lot of industrial music lately.
Really? Like who?
Oh, I dunno, Nine Inch Nails, Mdfmk (not to be confused with Kmfdm), Filter, and stuff like that.
Why do you want to listen to that? it's nothing but dark depressing music. What do you get from it?
Mostly a warm happy feeling, the occasional desire to worship Satan, and a continual craving to shoot a whole lot of people more popular than I am.

 

by bikity
2-03-01
Holy heck!!! What happened to you man?
I just saw two women engaged in some serious lesbian foreplay.
Really? And it made you sick? Most guys tend to get off on stuff like that.
I used to, but these girls wayed almost a quater ton a piece.
I'm leaving now, Carrying with me more knowledge than i ever really desired to have

 

by bikity
2-03-01
People are always picking on me becuase I'm a robot! I won't stand for it anymore! I'm going out to wreak my revenge on those who oppress me!!!!
Yeah! You shouldn't be oprressed any more! Go out and take on a few hate groups!
Hey, where's he going in such a hurry?
To deystroy a few of the opressive hate groups that hold him in spiritual and financial bondage, by any means nesscessary.
Does he know they're call them hate groups for a reason?
Eh, I figure he'll find out on his own soon enough.

 

by bikity
2-04-01
Hi everyone I'm bikity.. and right now I'm doing the obligatory "do a comic as yourself talking to your audience" comic
I'm here to talk to you about a serious problem. Spelling errors, we all make them, especially me, I just want to ask you please don't lower my score just because I have a spelling disorder.
Well, If i'd actually do a comic sometime before 3 in the morning, I might actually be awake enough to proof read.

 

by bikity
2-04-01
They say time heals all wounds, but I htink time actually makes some wounds hurt worse.
How can time hurt you? It's an abstract concept!
Have you ever been hit in the head with a clock?
No, I can't say I have.
It hurts like hell.
You may have won this battle Holmes, but the war is mine!

 

by bikity
2-06-01
hey lil' girl, what's your name?
don't mess with me! I'm sailor moon!
You're not Sailor moon! Sailor Moon was an 80's Anime Cartoon that dirty old men watch today to get their knut off.
I could still kick your ass.

 

by bikity
2-06-01
So the other day I'm watching Jedi, and I realized that Jabba the Hutt is my hero!
Why's that?
Well, it was mostly those fine ass dancing girls, but that hunnie eatin' rancor was pretty sweet too!
So, you wanna be all fat and slimy, and feed strippers to an overseized puppy?
Well, when you put it that way.... HELLS YES!!!

 

by bikity
2-06-01
Boy, Girl, Proposal.
So, if you aren't doing anything friday, I... uh... was wondering if uh...
Dammit, not again.
The Brush Off (AKA: The Lame Ass Excuse
Listen, you're a sweet guy, and if my dear old aunt wasn't having a coming out of the closet party at the preschool that my drug addict brother got arrested at, I'd be happy to do it.
Denial
She wants me so bad.

Showing page 1.

Next »