Hello, 911! I just stepped into the kitchen for a moment, and when I came back, my baby was gone. SOMEBODY STOLE MY CHILD!
Relax, ma'am. We have an excellent recovery rate. We'll have a forensics engineer over shortly to collect samples, and your child will be tracked down in no time.
We know exactly which stripper abducted your child. See how the DNA sample taken from the playpen matches exactly the residue on "A comic for Ethiopians"?
