All comics by malk

Profile

 

by malk
4-15-03
I used this axe to chop up some shit.
AWESOME!
Then I put it in this box and kind of push it around with a stick.
AWESOME TO THE MAX!!
Then I somehow formed a tie out of the shit. What do you think of my tie? Keep in mind that it is, in fact, made of shit.
I like fucking your mother better.

 

by malk
4-15-03
Hi!!! I just got to college!!!
I'm totally bi now. Sometimes my friends and I get drunk and fool around!!! Isn't that sexy? Isn't that CRAZY? ISN'T THAT SEXY AND CRAZY!?
I'd NEVER actually go down on a girl, though. Yuck! Do you want to see my nose, navel and tongue rings and smoke pot?

 

by malk
4-15-03
HI WE R EVERY1 ON GAMEFAQZZ!!!
We ArE fAgS aNd CaNnOt SpEl BuT wE lIeK 2 LoLZZZ!1!!1
OMFG ALL UR BASE IS BELONG TO US!!!! IS STILL FUNNIE IT WILL NEVE R DIE!1
W3 4R3 4LL 14 4ND F47. IF W3 R NOT 14, W3 M4K3 UP 4 IT BY 4CTING 4S IF W3 W3R3. PS-1337 5P33K: 50 FUNNIE!!!1
OMFG STFUZORS!!!
fInAl fAnTaSY 7 iS tEH bEsT sEPhIrOtH rULzORzzz!!! LOLZ!!!

 

by malk
4-15-03
PEOPLE THAT LIKE INDIE ROCK ARE CUNTS. ALSO PRETENTIOUS.
I only listen to indie rock. The manufactured artificiality of popular music disgusts me. You won't have heard of the bands I like.
How's that Starbucks coffee?
SLAAAAAAAAM!!!
OH T-REX!!!
I liked Starbucks back when it was indie.
So it's good?

 

by malk
4-15-03
HI 12/F LOOKIN 2 HOT CHAT!!! A/S/L??
18/F/Davao.
WTF IS DAVAO???
It's in the Phillipines. R U really 12? Have you been doing any ad?
YES I'VE BEEN SENDING SOME ADS OUT. YOU MIGHT CALL IT A GRASS ROOTS CAMPAIGN. WANT TO BE EMAIL FRIENDS I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND! ALSO UR HAIR IS PRETTY.
Yes that would be kewl. Email friends are kewl. Ur a very sweet girl. LOLZ

 

by malk
4-15-03
AGE: 18 SEXUALITY: BISEXUAL LOCATION: PARTS UNKNOWN
Hi!!!! I'm just a laid back chick who loves to have fun and get down n dirrrty once in a while. I'm really sweet. hehe. Shhh I'm really 17 but this thing won't let me put that! Pls give me a 9.5! LOLZ
OMG SHE LIKES HAVING FUN! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MEET A GIRL LIKE THIS!!!
SHE LIKES HAVING FUN AND IS SWEET. SHE'S LOOKING FOR A SWEET GUY TO HAVE FUN WITH.
I like guys that no how 2 treat a girl with sweetness and respect. I like punk guys with peircings and tattos. Not 2 many though. I LOVE sk8r bois. My email is cuteawesomegrrl@facethejury.com. <3<3
9.5! NO! 10! SHE'S A 10! SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!
NOT AN ASSH*LE. AND NOT A PLAYA.
I hate assh*les that treat girls like sh*t! I don't like rascists or playas! I'm just looking for love. Love is something which is unexplainable, because it can not be explained!
WHERE ARE THE TITS! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

 

by malk
4-17-03
Every indie rocker is also a photographer.
I'm really into photography. Do you want to see some of my work?
Sure.
They take countless photos of themselves and post them in their livejournals.
I mainly take black and white pictures of dirty alley ways, or myself. Mainly myself, actually. I find everything about me absolutely fascinating, don't you?
This is so their indie rock friends can tell them how beautiful they are, thus reassuring them that they are a deep and interesting human being.
Do you want to see my slideshow of myself wearing various scarves and denim jackets? In black and white, of course. Color is played out now, but I liked it when it was indie.
I think you've mistaken fascinating for boring and trite.

 

by malk
4-17-03
Tip from Malk: You aren't funny.
POORLY SPELLED JOKE
GRAMATICALLY INCORRECT RESPONSE DEVOID OF HUMOR
Tip from Malk: Crude sex jokes aren't funny.
I'M SO HOT LET'S DO IT NOW!!!
SKELETON THINKS FIRE IS HOT ENOUGH TO FUCK. GOOD THING I'M IN THE BEDROOM!!!
Tip from Malk: Your EVIL and PSYCHOTIC comics aren't funny, either. I hate you.
OH I'M A ROBOT
I AM SATAN YOU ARE IN HELL AND CAN NEVER ESCAPE MWAHAHAH

 

by malk
4-19-03
Jamaul didn't come to work last Saturdy. He calls in on Wednesday and talks to Lauren.
Hey, Lauren, it's Jamaul. Can you check the schedule and let me know when I work next?
Yeah, you aren't on the schedule.
Greg is the store manager. Jamaul did, in fact, get his sorry ass fired.
What? Did I get fired? How could this happen to me?
I dunno. Do you want to talk to Greg?
Lauren is thinking about weiners. She's just THAT kind of a girl.
Yeah, well. See, it's like this...CLICK BUZZZZ
Ahh, weiners.

 

by malk
4-19-03
Hi, can I help you?
All right, let's talk about this. I'm a 45 year old woman in a pair of tight jeans.I'm going to come into the store and ask you questions about pen refills.
JESUS.
While you're doing your best not to notice my impeccable toe, I'm going to subtly shift my weight around to further emphasize this thing.
NOOOOOOOO! SATURDAAAAAAAY!
FLUUUUUSH!!! Did you hear that? That's your Saturday morning going down the crapper.

 

by malk
4-24-03
What's up Merry!
Whatup.
So yeah. How about a date? Just you and me, what do you say? It'll be awesome like awesomeness.
Shut up. How about some Literati?
You mean like some kind of computer date? Well, OK, but I'm not really into that sort of thing, baby.
...

 

by malk
4-24-03
I'm riding the bus home from school.
What's up? Yeah. I'm a creepy old man. I'm going to sit right next to you and lick my lips. Does that sound like fun?
Of course, I never talk to this bozo.
WTF
The answer is NO, it doesn't. It's cool. You're going to have a hard time deciding if I'm retarded or not. I've also got a lazy eye.
But when I see him, WTF and OMG quickly come to mind.
OMG
In fact, they're both a little off. They zoom all around like I'm a chameleon in an IU jacket. I like sneaking looks at you while you pretend not to notice. OMG, indeed.

 

by malk
4-24-03
On the bus to work.
W
Hi. My name's Donna. I'm probably oh I dunno, right around three hundred pounds. My hair is balding in the back. My interests include dating prisoners and eating junk food on the bus.
I'm not making this shit up here, folks. Seriously OMG.
T
I don't have many teeth. Maybe seven. You'll never be sure if it's because of poor dental hygiene, drug use or dating prisoners.
Yeah, we like Donna. Big D!
F
I like wearing those stirrup pants and acid washed jeans, although how I got this titanic ass into those jeans is a complete mystery. Perhaps I own a crane.

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