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I hate to give up on my musical career, Father. Can I play the viola instead?

We're not Anglicans, Sister, so I suggest you pick an instrument without a woman's name.

Such as?

Woodwinds are nice heterosexual instruments. I learned all about the slide trombone and clarinets one time, at band camp.

What about sax?

No, no sax, not until you're married, and certainly without pills or condoms. Did I tell you that the rythmn method is great with sax?