quodlibet  

Well, my archenemy, the Raccoon, has escaped my cruel and decidedly rusty leg-hold trap purchased.

You said that your plan was foolproof! Just like the last one!

Come here, pretty kolbassa... I can smell you... Ohhhh, yummy kolbassa in my -- OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! Who put the leg-trap in here?!?!?!

Fortunately, our housemate Bertie had registered online for a free penile implant. His stub will regain its former three-inch glory after a few cosmetic repairs.

I'm still not coming out until the voices go away.