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by sabuwolf
4-09-04
The average hard-core Born-Again discusses his movie-going habits with people he meets on the street
Did you see "The Passion"? My wife and I went to see it with our six semi-legitimate children. Boy! I tell you, it reaffirmed my faith!...
Um... yeah... you *do* realize that it was an excessively violent movie that just manages to get $7 off of the ultra-religious.
I mean, I was born-again 6 times before, but this inspired me to go to church twice a day, put nails into my own hands, make my kids carry the firewood so they know how it feels to carry the cross...
Um... OK... you do realize it was just a movie. I mean, Mary Magdaline was that chick from the Matrix... the one posing in the magazine that you keep behind the crapper... so... um... please go away
Let me tell you! It makes me recognize that Jesus really is with us and I hope to meet him when I go to heaven, like I know I will because I've seen and loved Mel Gibson's film! Have you found Jesus?
You know nothing of my work.

 

by sabuwolf
4-09-04
The Gay Marriage debate heats up...
Did you know that George Bush is the only one willing and able to protect the sanctity of marriage from all those filthy homosexuals and their desire to marry?
That's very insensitive! I'm a leasbian and I...
The militant fundamentalist is taken aback...
WAIT! *You're* a lesbian?!?!
YES! And I love my partner!
And shows his true colors.
Do you two make out? Often? Can I watch? Please?!? ....WAIT... Don't tell my wife! Or my mistress!
Go to hell!

 

by sabuwolf
4-09-04
Continued from http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/221199
So... ask me the g-ddamn question! I have a Tony's Pizza in the oven and diet iced tea somewhere in the living oom.
Don't rush me noob! Don't make me go medieval on your ass.
Well...
Ok... What's Red, White, and Blue, bounces, shakes, jiggles and quakes, and the mere sight of it could drive a man insane?
Wonder Woman's chest. I got that one after you said the colors.
yep... I also would have accepted Captain America on a mechanical bull.

 

by sabuwolf
4-11-04
Meanwhile... while Clash goes to "find himself" in the Hall of Mirrors
HEY! Where'd the geeky Euro-trash-wannabe go to? I was just about to cast a spell of eternal torment on him.
Oh, he's off in the Hall of Mirrors. I told him he could find stuff there... you know... like spirit animals, long lost loved ones, expired coupons, tuna fish...
Doesn't it just have...like... a bunch of angry squirls and some big stupid mirrors that you stole from people's yards on 'Spring Clean-up Day'?
Yeah. These's also those raccoon-sized NYC subway rats that got loose in there last week, "Milton: the Lining Pond Scum," and the entire population of New Jersey.
But you *did* say he was a law student... Right?
Oh, hell yeah... he'll fit right in! He may even come back claiming to have had a religious experience!

 

by sabuwolf
4-12-04
Continued from:http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223330
Thanks a TON, jackass! I told you that we couldn't steal a cop car with a policeman still inside it!
Oh, sure... sue me for being ambitious! A night in the tank never hurt anybody! I know a lawyer who can have us out and stealing vacant cop cars by noon tomorrow. I promise!
Oh, no you don't! When we get out of here, we're going to get to Las Vegas by stealing what *I* want to steal. You screwed up ROYAL, and you're not doing it again!
OK...OK... Geez! What the $@#* is your problem anyway... They only printed me, since they thought you were a minor thanks to your scrawny physique.
I guess you're right. It sucks, but at least we can be on the road by tomorrow morni...
Hold that thought and start gringing your belt buckle into a shiv... one of the "townies" is comin' toward us...!

 

by sabuwolf
4-13-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/223609
Sweet Yeshua! It's Travolta!
I've come for the one they call Xenu! Hand him and his magical stamps of enlightenment over and I promise not to hurt you!
However, I do plan to make a sequel to "Battlefield Earth," because I think it didn't get a fair...
(pst) Mark... I know you're on a heavy acid... I mean 'postal'... trip, but I need you to shiv him when I give the intergalactic signal for...
Sweet Yeshua! It's Xenu! Prepare to watch all my movies!
F#ck it! SHIV HIM NOW! If I have to see "Broken Arrow" another f#cking time I'll shiv myself!

 

by sabuwolf
4-13-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223629
Oh my Hubbard! You shived... John Trav... er... um... Kirstie Alley!
She had it comin'. I mean she played a terrible Vulcan in Star Trek II !
*weeping*
There... there... I'm sure she's in hell...
So, um... if you're too broken up to kill me... how 'bout a date, hot stuff?
Sure, what the hell. I'm interested in seeing what 'ya got under that dress shirt anyway.

 

by sabuwolf
4-13-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/223631
There! I did it! I shived Travolta, then threw him out among the angry mob, who fled in fear!
Um...er...ok..yeah...good... GAHHH...job...hehe...WHEW... yep, lets get thAAHH-haha- hell out of here...
Um, what the hell are you doing? Let's go! The cops fled when the mob arrived, so we're in the clear! except for Jenna Elfman ... where the hell did she go, anyway?
Yeaaaahhh... um... look down... heh, heh... wooo--hooo... ZOWIE!!!
Woah... she um... she's got some tallent.
And a tongue stud... but you didn't hear that from me. Wowzers!

 

by sabuwolf
4-14-04
Wooo! I can't believe it
Yep... wow...
She really did it, didn't she...
Yes, she did.
She licked every one of those acid-laced paper stamps...
Yep... certainly looked like she was doin' something else in that last strip, huh? Now let's get out of here.

 

by sabuwolf
4-15-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede/224015
Back from the Hall of Mirrors are we? I guess you must be ready for your next punishment... the Den of Fiberglass! Make sure to inhale deeply while you're there. Otherwise it won't get in your lungs.
Um... yeah. That sounds like fun and all, but I had hoped that we might stop the 'eternal punishment' thing if I offered you this Speed Racer DVD set that I found on a garbage can in the Hall.
Matt exploits the angel's only weakness! He makes a mad dash to escape...
Oh Sweet Jesus! This even has the deleted scene where Speed watches Trixie undress through her bedroom window! I thought it was only released on Japanese Laserdisc!
And now I'll make a break for the exit in the Dark Tower!...
... to a place even more despicable!
Thank God that Hell and New Jersey are continuous. I thought I'd never get away from that guy!

 

by sabuwolf
4-16-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/r2_d2/224032 Xenu and Mark attempt to find the fake, key-containing stone which will grant them access to Area 51.
Jez-zus! Stop being such a freaking pu$$y about EVERYTHING! Just because I set up a decoy and leave you in the middle of a minefield with attack dogs doesn't mean you're at any greater risk than me!
The hell it doesn't! I'm not hunting for any f#cking plastic rock or creating any f#cking diversion to cover your ass! Make me a decoy or I'll shiv you!
WOAH! No reason to get violent here. We're pals, right? (nervous laughter) Lemme see here... I might have a decoy that suits you. Would it make you happy if I found a decoy for you? (gulp!)
Damn skippy! Now cough up the decoy and let's get to stealing some impounded government property!
Later...
Hey sugar-laden tea additive! Why don't (*click*) we go back to my (*whirl*) locale of residency and generate (*buzz*) sweet, sweet procreation. Baby got pronounced gluteus (*beep*) maximus!
Um... hello? I'm not really a decoy; I'm an angel. Any chance you saw an American speaking German and wearing a British shirt while trying to pick up an French supermodel? I kinda lost one recently.

 

by sabuwolf
4-24-04
An uneasy truce leads to danger!...
March, Bitch! I don't have all day!
OK... geez. You could try not jamming that gun into my spine every two steps. I SAID you could be captain!
Wait... I thought you ran out of fuel.
Ohhh... yeah! Let me run under the ship and get some more from the... um... intergalactic... um... fuel storage shed.... which I assure you is not a weapons cache.
...And somewhere in the ship's cargo hold...
Haha.. I knew I had one of these left!! This is my Boom Stick!!! Hail to the King Baby! (Ye G-d! I f*cking love WMDs!)

 

by sabuwolf
5-13-04
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ r2_d2/226280
Why was there a giant kangaroo with a machine gun marching around here?
Yeah... he's an old arch enemy from my college days. Don't worry, though I strapped his ass to a nuke down in the cargo hold and lit the fuse.
In the cargo hold?... of *this* ship. And you activated the warhead... With us still in the blast area...?
Yeah, sure... I mean, it will blow him to Kingdom Come and all... and... then we'll, um... you know... um... yeah, that was pretty stupid huh? Now we're all gonna die, huh? Hmmm...
WELL?!?!? Aren't you gonna do something?!?!
I just crapped my pants. Does that count?

 

by sabuwolf
6-05-04
The Time: 1980s
The Place: Atari Headquarters
Whew! it took me 48 straight hours to program the ET game. It's a blindingly awful piece of crap, but it's done!
Who cares?! Kids are bumb, and they love that stupid little alien... They'll buy it like hotcakes, and we'll be set for life! A a matter of fact, make two for every system!
And All Across America...
This game sucks! Give me my money back!
No, no! You can't return it! Buy more! We have millions of these that we can't sell. What are we supposed to do with them?!
Somewhere in the Arizona desert...
Let us never speak of this again.
Agreed.

 

by sabuwolf
11-11-04
Well, it looks like you got back on Stripcreator. Glad to have you back.
Thanks... It's kinda weird. First, my ISP blocked the site, now they are letting us back on again. I can't explain it.
Kinda weird how the internet stopped working during the whole election progress, which inhibited you from making fun of our oppressive, lying President.
Oh, stop that! I'm sure it's not some kind of weird conspiracy theory...
Then again...
Tom Ridge says "FREEZE!" Criticism of government is unpatriotic, insulting to Jesus... and soon to be unconstitutional!

 

by sabuwolf
12-07-04
George W. Bush expresses his views...
You look like you might be one of those Muslims, so you must be a terrorist that Jesus hates. Make sure Billy Graham kicks you in the ass on your way to prison!
Um... but I was just on my way to vote! You can't do this to me!
You're a woman, so Jesus says you're inferior! There's no way in hell that I'm letting you kill your babies you pro-choice anti-Jesus-ifite! Pro Choice means the terrorists win!
Why should you have any say on what happens to my body?!?
Uh, oh... you look Jewish, and that means you don't get into Heaven with Jesus...
OOOOhhhh... I am *SO* gonna bitch-slap your ass!

 

by sabuwolf
1-09-05
Continued from: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ ClashTheStampede
Let me get this straight... you *actually* prayed that the bomb would go off?!? What kind of idiot freak are you?!?
Jesus! Would you freaking relax already? I prayed that the bomb would make a kick-ass explosion, but I also stipulated that it wouldn't blow the two of us to hell.
Grrrrrr... We *are* alive, which means that you didn't screw up completely. That and the blast launched the spaceship out of Area 51. Plus, I got to meet Bono, which was pretty cool...
Ya see? It all works out wonderfully in the end. Unless you count Stan, who got mercilessly incinerated in a fireball as hot as a billion suns. Perhaps he's in a better place...
Elsewhere...
What happend?!? Let me out of here, or I swear I'll blow you straight to hell!
Hmmmm... You're not from around here are you, noob? How are you with riddles?

 

by sabuwolf
1-11-05
KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS! Here we have R2-D2, one of our lovable protagonists. His scrawny, malnurished physique comes from a healthy diet of iced tea and Tony's Microwave Pizza.
Um... I really don't appreciate you talking about me like that. I just happen to be a lover of fine microwave dishes... nothing wrong with it.
Initially just sitting in his room running Google searches for "hot asian chicks," he began an argument with Clash the Stampede about the colour of Godzilla, and subsequently went to hell.
It's a long story that even I don't quite comprehend.
In getting out of the infernal wasteland, he met Xenu, who decided to drag R2 on an ill-fated trip to Vegas. He has since been thrown into prison, nearly shived by Travolta, and almost blown asunder.
It's still several orders of magnitude better than being in law school. And the sequence of events is more logical than any tort case verdict.
Hey R2! Hurry up and give me all your loose change! There's a club down the street with booths where you can see a girl dance for 5 min for just a quarter! A freaking quarter!!!!

 

by sabuwolf
1-14-05
Know your characters: The Decoy! Yes, the unsung hero of our torrid little tale. The decoy was born Wordsworth Fitzgerald Potterdam III in the small town of Poughkipsie.
Earth girlz R EZ. [whirl] Take me to your leader and only he [blip] will get hurt. I want a dozen donuts and black coffee... any attempts at decaf will [clang] merit inceneration.
He has been used by Xenu to get out of numerous tight spots such as when he was attacked by Travolta, prought up on war crimes by the Hague, and chaced by a psychotic kangaroo with a gun.
Perhaps it is you who got the [twang] problem, mac! Why, yes... please give me this sandwhich of knuckles. [buzz] It sounds divine!
Sadly, the decoy has gone missing following a quasi-apocalyptic nuclear blast that only managed to destroy Stan, the Kangaroo. He is believed to be living in sin with Bigfoot and Elvis in Manitoba.
Why don't we catch a picture in motion [bleep] and then trade base 10 numerals over a hot bitter beverage at the Buck of the Stars? [Chugga, chugga, chugga]

 

by sabuwolf
1-17-05
Stranded, without hope of getting off the cruise ship or reaching Vegas, our heros ponder their situation.
The blast just got us out of Area 51, but did nothing to fix the engines or give us any fuel for the spaceship. Unless some bird with a 500-ft wingspan comes by and carries us, we're stuck!
Hang on... I think I have the trick....
WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE: Form of a useless bucket of stagnant water that can't even be used to swab the deck!!!!!
WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE: Form of a gi-normous fucking eagle to be used for backbreaking labour!!!
What in the fuck did you just do? How the fuck did you just do it? And Why is that huge-ass eagle on top of our fucking spaceship?
Hurry up and get in the ship before she figures out I got this ring out of a Crackerjacks box. And if you breathe a word of this to *anyone,* I'll kill you in your sleep.

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