God, Secondhand Lions was bad. I rented it to watch with the mother-in-law. Knew she'd like it. And I thought, how bad can a Michael Caine/Robert Duvall vehicle be? I sure got my answer.

Another movie I once rented for the sake of the in-laws: Joe Somebody. That got a lukewarm "thumbs up."

Bottom five movies I have selected for my in-laws, in terms of how much they hated them:

5. Owning Mahoney
4. Orange County
3. Get Shorty
2. Mystery Men
1. Northfork

They at least had a grip on numbers 5 and 4. They talked through a quarter of number 3 and then complained that they didn't get it. They walked away from number 2 after about 5 minutes, my father-in-law critiquing it in one word: "Garbage!" Number 1 eluded them so thoroughly that I could hear them yelling about it over the next day's breakfast. I was hiding in the basement.

---
What others say about boorite!

BTW, Northfork is a great movie.

---
What others say about boorite!

Bottom two worst movies that my brother has selected for tri-generational family viewing:

2. Life is Beautiful
1. Blade

---
What others say about boorite!

Fuck you! Freakazoid kicked ass.

[i][font=arial]
[list]
[/i]1)[i] Just about anything by Steven Soderbergh
[/i]2)[i] Batman & Robin
[/i]3)[i] Sabata
[/i]4) [i]Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
[/i]5) [i]Cliffhanger
[/i]6) [i]Anything with DMX in it
[i]7) [i]The Cowboy Way
[/list][/i][/font]

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Worst five movies:

5. Tek War
4. Titanic
3. Any of the myriad numbers of Land Before Time movies beyond the second one.
2. Groundhog Day
1. Star Trek: The Motion Picture

I woulda said the worst was From Justin To Kelly, but I agree with the corporate jerkoff statement. And the first Star Trek movie was so boring and stupid that it took me two weeks to get through it all the way without either falling asleep or getting irritated and walking away from it.

---
This is not a signature.

Groundhog Day? You penis pump.

Five Worst Places to Employ Usage of a Penis Pump Other than The Penis:

1. The Hair(have you ever seen Eraserhaed?)
2. The ass
3. The brain, lungs, or heart.
4. The nuts
5. The nipples

Five worst places to wake up:

5. In your own mother
4. In the middle of a Bon Jovi concert
3. In Brad's bed
2. On top of a lit stove
1. New Jersey

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

quote:

---

1. New Jersey

---

LITTLEFOOT! NOOOOOO!

---
It's grime time.

quote:

---

quote:

---

1. New Jersey

---

Definately.

---

Bottom Five Worst Films:

(5) Blair Witch Project (overhyped and pathetic)
(4) Die Another Day (Americanised junk)
(3) She's All That (Let's rehash every chick flick plot ever and reinforce the idea that superficial looks are all that counts)
(2) All 3 American Pie films (Haha! Nob gags and sex! How funny we are!!! Not.)
(1) Down With Love (Words cannot describe the vitriol I feel for this cinematic turkey)

There's plenty of other bad films, but most have redeeming qualities. These above have none.

Bottom five living US ex-Presidents:

5. Bill Clinton
4. Jimmy Carter
3. Gerald Ford
2. George HW Bush
1. Ronald Reagan

---
What others say about boorite!

I might switch Carter and Ford, but ...

-----

Bottom Five Dead 20th Century US Ex-Presidents

5. Johnson
4. McKinley (barely made it into the century)
3. Nixon
2. Hoover
1. Harding

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I might switch Carter and Ford, too, but I bumped Ford up for pardoning Nixon, an act for which Ford himself said he would burn in Hell.

---
What others say about boorite!

My Bottom 5 worst TV personalities at this moment are -

1,2,3,4, and 5 That Randy guy from American Pop Idols who says stuff like "Yo dude dat was dope foo." and it doesn't matter if he is speaking to a male or a female they are all dudes. I mean does this guy seem like as much of a joke to you guys as he does to me?
The guys like 40 - odd and he talks like a cross between a California beach bum and a kid who just spent the weeken re-watching Menace II Society.

Whatup DAwg?

---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I'm going to have to agree a million percent with Smam. The fact that this fat old jackass whose claim to fame is being in JOURNEY (Man, nothing gets you street cred like being in Journey) before they went the fuck under can sit there and attempt to speak in an urban patois is comical at best. At worst, it's enough to make a man vomit.

Bottom 5 Worst TV Sitcoms at the moment:

5) According to Jim-
If you want to read something hysterical that hypothetically involves Jim Belushi, go here and here, too.
4) Whoopi
3) Spin City
2) Yes, Dear
1) Lizzie McGuire

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Mikey did you get that sig rotator I sent you?

---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

quote:

---

Bottom 5 Worst TV Sitcoms at the moment:

5) According to Jim
4) Whoopi
3) Spin City
2) Yes, Dear
1) Lizzie McGuire

---

Can we do 5 worst regional British accents or would that be trolling?

5 Worst Advertising campaigns of all time:

5. Johnny Turbo
4. The New Anti-Drug Commercials
3. The Hostess Superhero Ads
2. The Pepsi Girl
1. The Arby's Mitten

---
It's grime time.

Those Hostess adds are absolutely classic. A comic book wouldn't be the same if we couldn't see Spider-man stop Dr.Octopus from stealing a package of twinkies from a 7-11.

---
Poop.

I'd put the Quiznos singing roadkill comercials in there somewhere.

Pluses: They caused me to remember the brand name.
Minuses: They caused me to forever associate said brand name with singing roadkill.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Pure awesomeness.

---
Legalize Love!

5 worst ways to be found dead:

1) Dead by auto-erotic asphyxiation in front of the Nickelodeon channel.
2) Coronary blockage, face down in your Biggie-sized box of cheese fries.
3) Drunk to death, surrounded by empty bottles of wine cooler.
4) Behind the wheel of your SUV, after hitting a bottle cap in the road caused you to roll it over 17 times.
5) Killed by Disney security after attacking the man in the Mickey Mouse suit and screaming something about the Anti-christ.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.