Today a kid calls his teacher a poop and he gets time in a cell with John Wayne Gacy. In my day you start a cornfield on fire and you had to work half a day pitchin’ hay for the farmer. It’s getting’ so a kid can’t be a kid.

So what did you do (or dream of doing if you weren’t naughty enough)?

1. The topic must be kids being “bad.”
2. No doctored strips. They gotta be 100% Strip Creator brand comics.
3. Believable is good. Funny is better.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC 49 - The Square of Comic Contest 7 by gabe_billings 7-30-01

I got a package of straws, a magnet shaped like a toaster and a sponge. How about you? Three pair of queen sized pantyhose and a two-liter tube of some toothpaste called 'Whyte Teeth'. Made in Haiti. You know what I'm thinking? What's that? The next time we decide to shoplift we do it somewhere other than the fucking dollar store. I hear that.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

"pitching hay"?

Should little kids really be doing anything that sounds so euphemistic?

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Forgot: deadline = Wednesday night.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

quote:

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"pitching hay"?

Should little kids really be doing anything that sounds so euphemistic?

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CC49: Cow Tipping 101 by crabby 7-30-01

Oh man this cow doesn't even see this one coming man this is gonna ROCK! Take that! Now what? MEDIC!

CC 49: True Confessions by kaufman 7-30-01

At age 6, I glued Spot to my kickball. We had a good game that night. At age 8, I played with my cap gun. Right in Timmy's ear. At age 10, I snuck into my big brother's room and stole his centerfolds. Who was he going to complain to? At age 12, I put on Mommy's wigs and bras whenever I was alone. At age 14, I discovered beer, pot and coke. All in one wonderful night. So did Erica, but she passed out first. And in the last Congressional elections, I carried 68% of the vote in your district. Sleep well, my dear constituents.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Bravo!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I would just like to take this moment to once again point out that I was solely responsible for introducing this site to kaufman, thereby raising the bar and encouraging you all to find the resources to be funnier, yourselves.

I accept paypal.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I'm new to comic contests. Hope it's not too self-evident.

CC49 - Misty eyes and lumpy throats by andydougan 7-30-01

Well, that's the steel girders laid across the railway bridge. Care to stay and watch the resulting carnage? Do I! Ah, the carefree caprice of youth! I'm glad we're making the most of these precious years! I wish these days would never end! ...and the police made us apologise to the passengers' families later! Ho ho! You're so stuffy, grandad. We have Pokemon now.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

CC49 The joys of a youth well spent by Drexle 7-31-01

Knock Knock!!! Hey man, open up! I'm here already! It's embarassin' to be out here with this shit! My mom could drive by any second!!! Hey there, Jake... Sorry it took so long to get to the door, but I was having trouble finding the key to mom and dad's secret basement. I've got it right here, though... Fuckin' rock! I got some of the stuff my dad hides in his closet, and I think we're all set! So, like... that movie showed me shoving this thing *where?!* This what people do when they're all adult and stuff! Now just stick it on in there, baby, but first... Whip me 'til I "come!" I don't know where I'm "going," but I'm gonna find out!

A Day in the Life of Ruprict vol 1. no 6. by NastyPope 7-31-01

I could never figure out why my parents kicked me out of the house when I was a kid. I did my chores on time. Helped old lady Witherspooge take out the garbage & even did jog-a-thons for Jerry's Kids. Maybe it was the endless hours of masturbating with baby oil in mom's pantyhose while watching 'Faces of Death'

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

I think I missed Rule 3, since this isn't funny.

CC 49: Now you know who to blame by NeoVid 7-31-01

All your base are belong- SHUT UP!!! ARGH!! I am going to kill whoever put that online! What you say? That guy had better hope no one finds him, or he is so dead... "All your-" *click* "How are you gentl-" *click* "make your time-" *click* "All your Smurf are belong-" *click* Hee hee... just a few more days, and my AYB virus will have finished off all the humor in the world!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I still love "All Your Base." It's my rosary.

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What others say about boorite!

I'm in the carrot pealing finals tonight, so I might not get around to judging this thing until Thursday morning. If I still have the wrist strength to type once I get home, I'll do it.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Carrot Pealing? I didnt' know that was a euphemism for spanking the monkey.

I used to compete in monkey spanking but the ASPCA came down on us (or is that went down...?).

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

That's 40 "All Your Bases" for you, sinner.

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What others say about boorite!

Someone set up us the one-eyed bomb!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC 49: I'm not making this up by boorite 8-01-01

Let's see... when I was 7, I played hooky with my older brother. And I used to clean up after his booze and pot binges so our parents wouldn't find out. At 12, my friends and I started stealing booze from our parents, and smoking cigs and rope. I was into my brother's Penthouses, which he got from an old queer who blew him while I waited in the car. When I was 13, I got slightly busted for shoplifting and also climbing on the roof of a supermarket. I stopped doing schoolwork and drew nasty cartoons instead. I learned to make bombs. At 14, we my older pal got his driver's license, so we "landscaped" and burned half a golf course. There was a reward out for us, so we planted a rumor that one of our enemies did it. Then he and I held up some convenience stores, and his dad bought off the DA so we went to the funny farm instead of jail. He's a preacher now. Our accomplice is dead-- he took cyanide from his lab. And I still wanna know WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE KIDS TODAY?

Yep, Scout's honor. What a knee-slapper!

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What others say about boorite!

Is that thing about the golf course really true? It cracks me up.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I Am a Badass by gabe_billings 8-01-01

When I was 8 I once ate two puddings out of the fridge, and when my mom asked who did it, I blamed it on my sister. At age 11 I often stayed up 15 to 20 minutes past my bedtime, reading under the covers. I drank milk straight from the carton. A month after my 12th birthday my friend Stu and I went to see a movie. And it was rated PG-13. When I was 14 I got my finger caught in a bandsaw in shop class and I said the F-word. Twice. They sewed the finger back on. When I was 17 I once went swimming ten minutes after eating lunch. And later that day I jaywalked. Now that I'm 27 I'm making up for a life of repression by killing hoboes and hiding their heads in my freezer..

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Looks like Roger is quite the scoundrel. Which just means people around here actually read WIGU.

Comic Contest 49 - I was talking about yesterday by evil_d 8-01-01

Yeah, my family used to go to the beach in the summers when I was about 7. A few times I fed antacid to the seagulls to see if they'd explode. But, you know, just being a kid. I hear you. I snuck under the boardwalk and loosened a few planks, then took pictures of bikers getting caught on them and crashing. Heh, that's funny.... Poured sand in some cops' gas tanks, too. Oh, plus I got a couple of 13-year-old girls to take off their bikini tops for me. No offense, man, but you must have been one disturbed kid. Kid?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Got beat out in the carrot pealing comp. Apparently they want you to bring your own root. I can see, as I had guessed, that this pack didn't waste youthful days frittering away over books. Well done.

Gabe: Petty theft was once a cheap thrill. Now it can get a kid a bullet. Way to keep with the spirit of the thing.

crabby: As much as I don't want to encourage you, the cow calling medic after if fell over made me chuckle.

kaufman: Bravo indeed. And all toooo believable.

andydougan: Welcome to the fray. Despite a lack of donkey sodomy you fit right in. Nice echo forward with the Pokemon girl.

bunner: How I remember the "yip" dog from my youth (helpful hint: biology books make quite an impression). I hope you took pictures. I wish I had.

Drexle: Playing kinky doctor! Now your talkin'.

NastyPope: Faces of Death? The jog-a-thon part freaked me out too. Funny stuff.

NeoVid: That was evil and freighting. I laughed as I trembled. That particular youthful transgression actually does merit sticking young boys into a cell with big fat molesters dressed as clowns.

Boo-boo-boorite: Planting rumors to frame enemies. Now THAT's the Opie fuckin Taylor stuff that kids need to do more of today! I know what you say is true. Except for having enough money to buy off the DA, you coulda growed up with me.

descolada99b: Spewing hot ass would not make me rent a tape. And this is Spankling talking! Funny - I would have given you extra points for turning it into a Rosanna Rosanna Danna bit with the "nevermind" at the end.

And now for the winner. The envelope please? Hey... There must be 2 grand in here... and a name...

The winner is boorite! No question! Thank you ladies and gents!

... with kaufman coming in a very close second.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet