"Superman? Are you home?"

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

"Ok, who forgot to close the freezer before we left for our vacation?"

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Poop.

crack! glorious crack!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

"This ain't nothin, back in my day, we used to see diamonds like this just lying in the street."

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

And now MTV I will let you see the master bedroom, this is where I get most of my sleep on and entertain my ladies. As you can see I have the 100" flat-screen above my bed. This plays Scarface on a loop. Scarface is got to be my favourire movie, I identify completely with it growing up in th hood an all.

Now let me take you outside to see my garage. Now I know what you are thinking MTV and viewers at home, you're thinkin " Why are all teh vehicles outside the garage?"
Well for one, they look nice and I want everybody who walks by to notice them and also I need the room for..

*opens garage door and goes in*

Now this is one of my favourite places in my crib, as you can see I have the entire cast and crew from Scarface in here, most of the stuff you are seeing here is from the actual original set of the Scarface movie.

There's Al, everyone be quiet he is about to get to my favourite part'

" Shay hallow to ma leedle fwen. "

These guys pretty much act out the entire movie constantly, when they get to the end of the movie everyone just takes there places and starts from the beginning again.
I don't get in here as often as I would like because of my touring responsibilites but sometimes when I can't sleep at night I like to come down here and sit in my favourite chair and watch Al and the rest for 20 minutes or so just so I can get ma think on and sh*t.

Sometime P Diddy likes to come down and sit in my garage, he doesn't even knock now he just goes in whenever he feels like watching a bit of live Scarface.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Sitting there for 27 years trying to remember whether it's stalactite or stalagmite.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

(Okay, apologies in advance for this one...)

Porn director Sean Bonery succeeds in shrinking himself down in order to film a "swordfight in her mouth" from the inside.

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I has a flavor!

"How the fuck are we gonna snort all of this?"

A lot of rappers like Scarface, don't they? They havent seen the 1932 version!

So they finally found my old girlfriend's broken dildo collection. I see they've warmed up over time.
[ducks and covers out of habit]

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"Unbeknownst to the snow creatures, Dan was watching their massive penis fights up close and personal."

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

Tom had been spelunking for years, but never had he found himself in such a precarious situation. His headlamp was faltering, leaving him trapped in darkness just as the ground started to crumble and the roof cave in. His life flashed before his eyes a moment before somehow, impossibly, his mind glimpsed one possibility that just might get him out of this alive...

And that's when he knew he'd need the wooden badger.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.