The general idea of this contest is to submit a strip which comprises a complete sitcom episode, based around the situation and characters I provide.

The sitcom in question is called Unlucky Stiffs, set in a low-budget funeral home. The following strip gives you three locations within the funeral home and six regular characters found inside.

Comic Contest 53: Situation, Settings, and Characters by DexX 8-13-01

This is the viewing room, where the funerals are held. I am Roger, the owner and manager of the funeral home. I am sleazy and always come on to any living female. I am Loretta, assistant manager. I hate Roger and can't stand it when he sleazes up to me. This is the enbalming chamber. I am Cyril, the guy who enbalms the bodies. I have an unhealthy attraction to corpses. I am Ashleigh, Cyril's teenage assistant. I hate it, and only do it because Loretta's my mother. This is the private staff room out the back. I am Harvey, the guy who carries corpses and coffins around. I am not very bright. ...and finally, I am Erin. I am not too bright either. My job is to put makeup on the corpses for open-casket services.

Now, the rules:

1) In three panels, present an episode of Unlucky Stiffs. To qualify, you must use one or more instances of at least two of the given characters (and yes, characters with multiple poses/faces can be freely used). Also, at least one of the three given settings must be used.

2) Every sitcom episode needs a celebrity guest. Include a celebrity in your strip, and no, I don't mean to do your strip in PhotoShop - just use one of the other characters and make it clear who it is meant to be.

3) [OPTIONAL RULE] Sitcom episodes generally have three acts (in between ad breaks) consisting of the situation setup, the situation being ruined by unforeseen complications, and the whole thing being neatly tied up before the closing credits. This fits nicely with the three panels of the strip, so stick to the format if you can to get extra credit. It is not a victory requirement, though.

4) [OPTIONAL RULE] If you want to submit multiple entries, I would appreciate you trying to carry on with one story idea, sort of like a double episode to-be-continued kind of thing. Again, not required, but it will get you brownie points.

5) No pic-edits on this one - StripCreator strips only, sorry.

6) I will be judging approximately 72 hours from the time/date stamp on this posting. It may be a few hours more than 72, but not too long.

Sorry for the complexity. I hope someone can squeeze some funny out of these rules.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC53: Jesus is coming to town by crabby 8-13-01

Tonights special guest on Unlucky Stiffs......Our savior Jesus Christ! Hello I need an emergency funeral for my mother tonight, I can see your little funeral parlor is going out of buisness so I will pay one million dollars! ONE MILLION DOLLARS! But we only get the day to prpare for the funeral! MAMA MIA! Enbalm her I hardly knew her! Just get it done Cyril this isn't time for one of your lame one liners! We hardly started and the funeral is only an hour away, MAMA MIA! Hey Roger how do you like the make up job I did on the corpse for today's emergency funeral? What did you do shes supposed to be a virgin not a whore! MAMA MIA!

I didn't notice it until now, but Jael's character looks like Laura Kitlinger.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

And yes, that's a laugh track.

Unlucky Stiffs: Reaper Madness (part 1) by kaufman 8-13-01

Good mourning. Good mourning, Harvey, nice hair job. Oh, I see our staff t-shirts are in. Just in time too, I hear Roger has an "important" announcement to make. Good mourning everyone. I thank you for coming in so early (except for the late Rose Hansen). We have a special guest today, the man who got me here, so I'd like you all to look alive. Hahahahhahaha! I'm sure you all know him by reputation, so without further ado, here's Mr. Death. I NEED TO TAKE ONE OF YOU WITH ME TODAY.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Unlucky Stiffs: Reaper Madness (part 2) by kaufman 8-13-01

Please don't take Erin; I'm all set to slip her the old formaldehyde rag this afternoon ... ERIN, YOU WILL COME WITH ME IN PRECISELY 37 MINUTES. I'm too young to die, for crying out loud! Just promise me you won't let Ashleigh touch my body! Relax my dear, no hands will touch your cold, dry flesh except mine. Meanwhile, a little tension-reliever. Yes, I thank you for your work in cremating my dear Penelope, but what's this item on the bill about depeliation? Look at the purity of those ashes. We won't allow any hair in there. Our motto is, A Penny urned is a Penny shaved.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Unlucky Stiffs: Reaper Madness (part 3) by kaufman 8-13-01

Ashleigh, what did you do to Mrs. Hansen? She looks like Tammy Faye Bakker! I'm sorry, mom, you know I'm lousy with makeup, and I just couldn't stop thinking of poor Erin. My hand kept slipping in the tears. Oh Erin, better if he'd have taken me instead of you. This place is just plain falling to pieces! Hogwash! With your low-cholesterol diet, you'd have hardly been able to help Mr. Death out. Huh? He just wanted to know the best place in town to get a few waffles. AND LET ME TELL YOU, ERIN KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE TO FIND REAL BLUEBERRY SYRUP!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

All in the Family? by Spankling 8-13-01

And if you touch me there again Roger I'll sue you and take this stiff joint from you instead of the one in your pants! VO: She's so hot, even if she is my mom. I wish I was Roger and dared to touch her there. At least I get to work with her. Cyril, you seem like you got it together. Have you ever suffered the agony of being around a hot woman that is just out of reach. Baby, sooner or later they all come to Cyril. And then it's cold-packed salami time! *wild applause as Helen Hunt walk on stage* Okay Ashleigh, you got me up to your appartment to meet your mom. So where is she? In the freezer. Say would you mind dying your hair brown, maybe letting it grow out?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

"Unlucky Stiffs": Birds Of a Feather Mutate Together by Haights 8-13-01

Finally, Ashleigh! The Giant Tub O' Discount Embalmer has arrived! Are you sure that using cheap embalmer is a good idea? Erin, you look weird. You look and sound *just* like that celebrity...uh, Kithoolie? Choo-loo...? And I know you've been depressed lately, but you're looking bluer lately than usual...I just hope someone figures out how we got this way and how to get us back before -- We interrupt "Unlucky Stiffs" for this late breaking Channel 3 News. I like peanut butter. I like chocolate.

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"I'm gonna give you cancer." "...what are you, a cellphone?"

And this is the comic I was GOING TO use...the center frame was supposed to be a hilariously extended frame, to maximize the distance from Roger to Cyril. If you can see past that discrepancy, then make this my real entry.

CC53: "...Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?" by Haights 8-13-01

Celebrity Corpse played by Muffy the Vampire Baker Ohh, sweet love...if only that you were alive that we might savor this moment together...*squick-squick* -- uh-oh... damnit, I'm stuck. _ Man, I never noticed how big this staff room is...hey, Cyril, I can't tell, you're too far away...but is that a dead body stuck to your...? Uh...no! It's...uh...a training dummy. I'm practicing artificial respiration...? I'm - er - clearing out it's airway? Roger: "Aw, Cyr, you didn't have to keep this secret from me! You don't have to be ashamed among us, your coworkers!" Aw, Rog....thanks, I love ya, man. Hey, I'm not dead yet! Hahaha...

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"I'm gonna give you cancer." "...what are you, a cellphone?"

I liked crabby's idea of using Jesus as the celebrity.

Comic Contest 53 - Unlucky Stiffs: Out of Order by evil_d 8-13-01

Cyril! I've got some bad news! The body for this evening's wake is missing! Missing? Oh, dear... I hope he's not mad at me for last night. Er, I mean... do you suppose we could talk the family into a closed-casket ceremony? Oh, this is absolutely terrible. Now, Harvey, you're sure you didn't drive the body to the cemetary and bury it ahead of schedule again? No sir, Mr. Roger. Ever since the doc started me on those pills, my sleepwalking hasn't been bothering me none at all. I think I found him! But this had better not be someone's idea of a joke! Leave me be! I've been resurrected, now I have to hang on this cross... wait, am I doing this in the wrong order?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Here's my entry.

CC53 (Unlucky Stiffs): Loretta's Own Plan 9 by fpd 8-13-01

Oh Cyril, I want you so bad. Please, please take me Cyril. You know you're just not my type, Loretta. Loretta tries to make Cyril jealous by hitting on celebrity guest Ed Wood. Oh Ed, I can see why they called you Wood. Don't you know it, baby. Say, Loretta, that Ed Wood has always had great taste. What say you and I have our own Night of the Ghouls? Heh, heh. Why, Cyril, I thought you would never ask.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Are you allowed to enter comics you've made in the past which just happen to conform to the contest rules?
And completely off the subject, does anyone have a higher ratio of comics to forum posts than I do? I hope not. It makes me feel special.

All in the Family Pt 2 by Spankling 8-13-01

o/` Hi Ashleigh! o/` You know... your mom and Roger are gone for the day... Wanna make out in a coffin? Uh... Will you wear a brown wig and call me sonny? Sure! Hell, I'll let you ride me around like a pony if it'll keep you hard! No thanks. You may need to stuff your bra though. Mommy has bigger jugs than you do. Follow me. Later... Okay, Mr. Satan I did like you said - the boy got off in me. Now can I have that IQ boost you promised? Soon my little brood mare. First you must bring that child within you to full term!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

All in the Family 3 by Spankling 8-13-01

Say Ashleigh. You seen your mom lately? It's been a week since I felt her up. She's in my freezer. Why don't you go fondle Erin? She does a good impression. Sorry to hear about your mom, boy. By the way, do you know if she's busy tonight? *sigh* Yeah I guess you can have her. She's not near as fun to me now that she's dead. Who the Freak are you?!? I was looking for Loretta in this freezer. I'm the "Eskimo Pops" girl! Lick me!

This is getting out of hand.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

All in the Family 4 by Spankling 8-13-01

Saaay... you aint half bad for a dumb bitch! *umph* *grunt* This is some fine action! Thanks! *tee hee* I can feel the fetus Satan commanded me to conceive giving you head from inside me! Say what? *zip* You know... The prince of darkness? Nice guy! He's gonna make me smart once I give birth. This one will die slowly. oh, what the hell. Live and let live. Bend over and give me some more antichrist gum job!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

All in the Family Fini (thank the goddesses) by Spankling 8-13-01

GOD THE PAIN! I'M RIPPING IN TWO! Blame God. He made you this way. Now fork over my child! *wild applause as Mary-Kate Olsen bursts from Erin's womb* This gig is gonna be sooo much sweeter than Full House! And no Bob Sagget in sight! Go forth. Claim your birthright! Make me proud! *Laugh track fades to McDonald commercial.* Okay "dad," here's a few ground rules. 1. shave that snatch off yer face. 2. Yer mom leaves - dead or not. 3. ice cream every day. 4.... VO: Oy! What have I done!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Comic Contest 53 - Unlucky Stiffs: Invaders from Beyond by evil_d 8-13-01

So that corpse was reanimanted by an unearthly spirit because this place was built on an ancient Indian burial ground? We should tell Roger. I'm sure it can wait until after lunch. A morning full of embalming can really make a man hungry for a few crisp pickles. Five minutes later.... Ashleigh, are you down here? Your mom wants... son of a one-eyed optometrist! What in the Sam Q. Hill is going on down here? Yeeeeaaaargh! Zombie John Holmes lives! John Holmes? Wow, you're my hero! Can I have your autograph? I'll trade you for some tender, juicy brains.

This is related to my previous entry in the same ambiguous way that episodes of a sitcom are related to each other, so you can consider it one entry or two according to your whim.

And Spankling, you are one sick motherfucker.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

You are too kind. And too funny - PLEASE make yours a 5-parter.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I too can be a sick mofo ...

Unlucky Stiffs: Season-Ending Cliffhanger by kaufman 8-13-01

Oh cripes, somebody left a stiff here. I'd better bring him to Erin. I made him up best as I could. Here he is ready for you to fill with juice. Yes, yes, of course, and I'll also enbalm him once I finish my lunch. Meanwhile ... Okay, Dr. Hawking, I'm ready to show you around the home ... Dr. Hawking? DR. HAWKING?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

YOINKS!

Why yes.... yes you can.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Oddest of all... we say goodbye to my father's ashes tomorrow.

He liked sick humor.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Here's a continuation of my first strip in this contest.

CC53 (Unlucky Stiffs): Loretta's Own Plan 9, part 2 by fpd 8-13-01

Ashleigh walks in on Cyril and his mom together. You bastard! You killed my mom! No he didn't dear, I'm still among the living. Get lost, kid. You really killed the mood. I'm going to get back to my embalming. Now where did I put that embalming fluid? Nevermind, this Worchestershire sauce will do.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I don't think I can top fetal fellatio. Bravo, Spanks.

And condolences...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Cripes! Didn't mean to "kill" the conversation. Carry on!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Here are the final installments of "Loretta's Own Plan 9." I think I'll have to put each one in a separate message.

CC53 (Unlucky Stiffs): Loretta's Own Plan 9, part 3 by fpd 8-13-01

Hey Harvey, what's with you? You look like you could use a makeup job. Must eat brains. Brains ... brains ... must eat brains. OH MY BOB! Harvey has become a zombie. RUN, RUN! Oh no, it's another zombie. BOB SAVE US! Braaiins ... braaaaiiins.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.