Wow. I won the Pokemon contest. I now feel both relieved and incredibly dirty at the same time.

Anyway, I'm leaving Friday on a camping trip, so I'm going to have to judge the strips Thursday night. Because the deadline is so short, this contest will be a short one. The rules are as follows:

1. The entire strip must be one large panel. By this, I mean that you need to pretend that the lines between the panels are not there.

2. If you don't feel that you have time to do a good job, you may resubmit one of your old strips as an entry. HOWEVER, I do appreciate creativity and hard work, so do your best to create a new strip.

3. Ignore rule three.

As an example, here is one of my old strips that fits the bill.

Interviews with the Lowpass Characters - Part 7 by BigEvilDan 1-15-01

Interview with the brand-new characters from Goats So, how does it feel to be here at Lowpass? All these Jesus strips are offensive to my Satanist beliefs. I finally get a Goats storyline that involves dating a stable, beautiful woman, and then I get pulled into here! It's not FAIR!! Where did that pixellated chick go? Pudding, anyone?

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

In case I can't come up with something new by Thursday, I'll toss this old one into the mix:

The other famous crucified guy... by wirthling 5-28-01

OK, which one of you is Spartacus? I'm Spartacus! No, I'm Spartacus! No, it's me! I'm Spartacus! Among his fellow rebel slaves, Pussilus was not known for his bravery... No, I'm the real Spartacus! Dude, I am so NOT Spartacus it ain't even funny! Can I go now?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Shocking Confessions #1 by Drexle 6-19-01

...And in that moment, I realized that necrophilia is more than just a hobby. It's a lifestyle.

CC 55: Fun House by Haights 8-21-01

Maura loved the carnival. She always went to the fun house first, because it was her favorite. But she never liked the wise guy behind the last mirror.

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"I'm gonna give you cancer." "...what are you, a cellphone?"

CC 55 by itsclark 8-21-01

Can you believe the luck? Mound after mound of glorious feces have been flung in every direction, my friend! I guess the shit must have hit the fan!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Like wirthing, I am lazy. I'll probably come up with something new, but for now I'm kickin' it old school.

Touchy-Feely by gabe_billings 1-23-01

Good afternoon, ladies, and welcome to 'Self-Pleasuring 101'. I hope you all brought your scented lotions and marital aides. Pssst... I forgot my stuff. Can you spare some lube? All I could find at home was a three pound tub of Crisco. But you're welcome to it.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Mixup in the Shipping Department by gabe_billings 1-24-01

What's up with this fucking invoice? I ordered Battle Droids! Not pantywaisted fagbots! Would you like a cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea? Would you like a cup of tea?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Let's not forget this gem.

ECHO (or, 'Pure Idiocy in three Frames') by gabe_billings 1-29-01

http://www.this.is.a.fake.url.whose.sole.purpose.is.to.make.the.strip.wider.com ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!! http://www.didn't.get.enough.in.the.first.panel.Well.then.we've.got.all.the.annoyance.you.need.right.here.com http://www.is.this.fucker.ever.going.to.get.to.the.point.you're.thinking.The.answer.is.yes.and.here.it.is.com ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! All your base are belong to us.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Hey, my turn to cash in on some oldies but goodies. This one is even titled properly for sufficiently large values of 4.

CC 44: One Day at the Police Station by kaufman 7-13-01

Take a look. Do you see the man who stole your nails? Yeah, it's definitely Number 3.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

If the Village People used a dyslexic songwriter ... by kaufman 6-13-01

It's fun to stay at the W.  R.   I.   K.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

At the starting gate of the Kendonkey Derby by kaufman 7-30-01

In Post 6, Mulish Pleasure: 7-1. In Post 5, Secretariass at 5:2. In Post 4, Man-O-Burden: 4:1. In Post 3 Affarmed is at 12:1. In Post 2, Whirlabray is at 5:1. And in Post 1, Sodomitation's the longshot at 25:1.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This one's hot off the presses.

CC 55: At the Department of Motor Vehicles by kaufman 8-21-01

Is this the line for the learner's permit? Yup, this line moves pretty slow. I've been here since my sixteenth birthday. Me too, and that was back in the 60s! I can't wait till tomorrow; my grandkid will be joining me in line. Woohoo! Old Man Thompson just kicked the bucket! Now I'm SECOND in line.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Not "Mixup in the Shipping Department"! That was #1 for weeks! How can we hope to compete?

I also hope to dream up a new one, but for the time being, here's some four-digit flavor.

It's all one panel, you see by evil_d 2-04-01

Photon cannons ready! Target sighted! Alright, men! Fire when ready! This'll teach that little punk to withhold our royalty checks for "A Charge to Keep".

One of my strips from "A nation perplexed" is also wide-panel, but I won't submit that one for consideration.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Ok. You can forget the old ones, now. Here is a brand spanking new one.

CC 55 - Cowboy Broadway by gabe_billings 8-21-01

Shit boys. That was just about the sorriest fucking routine I've ever laid eyes on. Who taught you to dance? Your horses? Sorry, boss. We ain't too good at this fancy stuff. Say, why didn't we do Annie Get Your Gun, or Oklahoma, anyway? Roscoe's right. Who the fuck picked A Chorus Line? I ain't puttin' on them goddamn tights again, I'll tell you what.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Gabe, when I saw that title, I was surprised you weren't using it on something like this.

(Comic not shown here so as not to interfere with legitimate entries).

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This one sucks, but what the hey...

At the 1st annual stripcreator convention... by wirthling 8-21-01

Stop grabbing my ass, Descolada! Stop grabbing my ass, Gabe!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

And the obligatory (even if he's on vacation):

Optimist in Cell Block #9 by kaufman 8-21-01

SORRY FOLKS, BUT I DON'T SUCK DICK.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I tried to get this comic to behave like a proper contest entry. But all it knows how to do is hurt people.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC55: Party Flavors by flickguy 8-22-01

At the next Annual StripCreator Convention... Get LOST, Wirthless! Um... LadyJ just knocked Wirthling's head off again. She seems to have a big chip on her shoulder Ha! He's just lucky she's in a GOOD mood today. Look at meeee, I'm flying!!

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This is not my empire.

CC 55: Westward, Oh! by kaufman 8-22-01

In an alternate 1492 ... Dios mio! I can see the edge! Signal the Nina and the Pinta to come about hard! Aye-aye, Cap'n!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Paper Dolls by Spankling 8-22-01

This bit of vile tripe will need to be my entry - pressed for time - and my butt hurts.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

quote:

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- and my butt hurts.

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I have a pile of them, but I will try to stick with the ones that don't suck...

Oh, and I might get around to doing a new one tomorrow...

Old joke, new punchline... by DexX 1-13-01

Does this outfit make me look fat? No, your huge flabby body makes you look fat.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

And another...

The lonely life of a dragon... by DexX 1-17-01

Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah.... Fire's burning, fire's burning, draw nearer, draw nearer... Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine... Ging gang gooly gooly gooly gooly watch watch... I am nothing but a firestarter to you people. *sniff* I feel so used.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

...and yet another...

Single-minded determination and stuff. by DexX 1-17-01

*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!* *Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!* *Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!* *Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!* *Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!* Guys... I think we're lost.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.