There's a store that everyone despises. It's called Wal-Mart. These are a few simple rules of shopping at Wal-Mart that I had to explain to my father the other night, when he was complaining about his *gasp* ONE bad experience at Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart because it's reasonably priced, and yet I can never seem to get through there without incident. I encourage you to add your own "rules" based on your own experiences, as well as rules for other stores/services.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

You inspired me, chicka.

[Click to view comic: 'Rules of Shopping at Wal-Mart (3)']

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

We were in Tesco the other day and my preggers GF was thisty so I pulled a bottle of Lucozade from the shelf and we drank it as we did the shop. The bottle was empty and my GF insisted we pay for it but I thought "fuck it" and sneakily switched the empty for another full bottle of Luco.
How I laughed when my GF put the bottle on the conveyor only to realise I had swapped it for a new full bottle.
How I cried when I checked the receipt in the taxi home only to discover that we had been charged for two bottles of Lucozade.
The bastards must have spotted me cracking open the bottle at the start of my shop then fucking spyed on me for the whole hour or so I was in there then made sure the checkout girl was tipped the wink to scan the bottle in twice. Bastards.
Okay so I thieved but how wanky can you get?

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I always hated it when people would bring open packages of food and beverages to the check out to ring them up, because their kids had gotten hungry/thirsty in the store and opened it up. I didn't want to touch someone else's mouth goo. Also, I found it disrespectful that they couldn't just wait the 5-10 minutes that it took them to shop to open the package after they had made the purchase. I can't sympathize with you smam. In fact, I feel better about the people who opened packages and wanted me to touch their mouth goo.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

What do you care if I partake of the produce gratis? It's no skin off your knees (if there is any left).
I worked in security for Tescos for about 3 months and we were told that you couldn't prosecute someone for theft for eating unpaid goods on the premises.
If you walk out the door with 1/2 a bar of chocolate you're fucked though.
They told me there was this one guy that used to come in and make a sandwhich by 1st grabbing a roll from the bakery then heading off to the cold meats section.
Now thats class.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

[Click to view comic: 'Rules of Shopping at Wal-Mart (4)']

Yeah, I discovered that the Wal-Mart detection system will detect something when there's nothing to detect. When I had purple hair, I got zapped all the time. Once I only had cat litter and they zapped me. When my hair is brown, I'm ignored. If I'm wearing all black, same damned thing. When I buy nothing, especially if I've been wandering in electronics, I get zapped. And if I'm wearing all black with purple hair and buy nothing, I'm in trouble. I actually had security and clerks with radios following me once. It pisses me off cause I would never steal from Wal-Mart. Mainly cause I'm not lucky enough to get away with it...

An ex-friend of mine stole a DVD and baby items out from under their noses. The DVD was in plain sight. But she had her baby with her so it was okay. She'd take pacifiers out of the packages, put one in her pocket, and another in the baby's mouth. Same with toys. Once she did that with diapers. Stuffed them in her diaper bag.

The DVD pissed me off more though. I hate that whole stereotype that mothers are automatically innocent. Chicka, think of your pregnancy as an opportunity for free stuff.

Now, what I DO do t Wal-Mart (and caused a whole security scandal here) is fuck with them. Once I got a cart and went around the store, grabbing expensive stuff from every department and then put the cart in the clearance isle and taped a sign to it that said "Clearance! 50% Off!" that I had made and hid under my jacket. And they had to give the discount.

A month later, people who were hired to steal to test security got away with $20,000 in merchandise. The people that were zapped at the exit never had anything. The people who set off a detection and were waved through (elderly, mothers with 80 kids, etc) were the hired thieves.

It was hilarious. I'm so proud of myself.

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The DVD pissed me off more though. I hate that whole stereotype that mothers are automatically innocent. Chicka, think of your pregnancy as an opportunity for free stuff.

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I find that beating the shit out of the security guard generally lets you get out of the store with stolen merchandise.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

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I find that beating the shit out of the security guard generally lets you get out of the store with stolen merchandise.

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There is considerable case law in every state now that says electronic security sensors do not form the basis of either reasonable suspicion or probable cause since the things never work correctly and the employees only search those people who they think might have taken something when they go off rather than everyone.

I said OUT OF THE STORE, not out of the parking lot.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

[Click to view comic: 'Brad is awesome.']

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What brad thinks of Oriana: sweet my money bell went off

[Click to view comic: 'Rules of Shopping at Wal-Mart (6): Rule #13 "Fart Etiquette"']

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

That's so true, biped. By the way, sorry I was blocking the shelf for so long, I was hoping you'd come back later so you wouldn't know it was me.

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What brad thinks of Oriana: sweet my money bell went off

"Wait a minute... that was YOU!?"
\

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

i got kicked out of wal-mart for stealing

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xx( o Y o. )xx

[Click to view comic: 'Rules of Shopping at Wal-Mart (7)']