Lately, I've noticed an increase in my tiny town of people who seem to be driving for the first time ever. This is partly due to the fact that I lived in a town with a population of just over 100 up until just two years ago, when someone suddenly realized there was land that could be built upon out here and started adding houses, [unused] office buildings, and businesses.

As you can imagine, I have millions of complaints centered around the issue of driving. For instance, during rush hour today, a woman, seeing that the traffic was backed up ahead of her at a green stoplight, decided to pull out into the intersection anyway assuming she could pull through before the lights changed. A common mistake. But, instead of being embarassed and concerned she was in the middle of the intersection as other cars were trying to go through, she got angry and laid on her horn, yelling at everyone. To the person in front of her "I'm in the middle of the intersection! MOVE UP!" To the people innocently trying to take advantage of their green light and drive around her: "If you hit my car, I'll SUE YOU!" Her actions made me very angry, because she, like most drivers in now in our area, have self-appointed themselves the ultimate control in what is and isn't the right of way (which is always granted to themselves). I realize by complaining about this, I am quite possibly just as bad as they are, but I have a question to put to you: If a certain number of hours of Driver's Ed were required before you could get your license, would you be offended?

I also wonder, if this were too difficult to pass as a law, would you be offended if you were required to re-take your driver's test before renewing your license each time?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

No way Chicka. I feel your pain.

[Click to view comic: 'PSA']
[Click to view comic: 'Let the day begin']

Seriously though, if some drivers would pull their heads out of their asses when they're behind the wheel, then those of us who [u]do[/u] know how to drive wouldn't get annoyed and vent about it. The past year I've been commuting between Minneapolis and St.Paul during the heart of rush hour, and I've used my horn more than I ever have in the other 17 years I've been driving.

Hell no, not if it makes the other drivers better so I don't have a fucking heart attack every day during rush hour.

I think it would be kinda cool to retake the test, since it's been so long since I originally got my license. Besides I'm an excellent driver. [/Rain Man]

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

That's why Canada's licencing system is so wonderful. In Saskatchewan, you take Drivers Ed at your school. You have to pass both the signs test and the applications test, as well as complete the 6 week course. You then have to complete 6 1 hour drives with a trained Drivers Ed teacher. If you don't finish any of these, you don't get your learners licence (which is generally held from when you're 15 and a half until you go for your licence) or your full licence. After you pass the driving test (took me 3 tries, but I've never had a ticket), you get your licence, but its a 2 year probationary, meaning any offense will cost you an assload when you renew it. Once you turn 18 (or have had said licence for 2 years) you're off probation and hooray! You're an adult! Except you have another year to wait till you can legally drink... but hooray!

I'm wondering if I should start the countdown now until my 19th birthday...

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Oh, ps... You don't know bad driving till you've lived in Calgary. TRUST ME. Even the locals complain about how crappy the driving standards are here, and the provincial government is going to make everyone (in the entire province) re-take the driving exam.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Driving with a mobile phone has been banned here, but I still see jerks use them while coming past the mini- roundabout up from my flat. That's my number one road gripe.

To be honest, I reckon a short refresher course in Road Theory wouldn't do me any harm, I find myself wondering if I'm at the right distance, when to indicate, etc. It's just getting the time to take it.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I'm all for the retesting. They should also issue a test of common sense and common courtesy along with the regular licensing test. If people get below 75% they will have to take a class with at least a 75% passing grade and retest again in 6 months. If they get below 50% they will not be allowed to drive for a year and have to take the class with a minimum 75% passing score. The second time they get below 50%, they get five years. The third time, they get shot.

The same licensing system should apply to computer use and include a test on grammar and spelling. There would be a lot more sweet elderly ladies and a lot less LOLOMG!!!

Driver's Ed was optional at my high school. My parents made me take it to help lower their insurance rate (though being a female and freaking brilliant already had reduced their insurance drastically). Sadly, our school was underbudgeted and taught by coaches and their wives. We just watched accident films from the 70's and drove ourselves home.

Niteowl, know what you mean about the Twin Cities. I spent three years there sans car and when I bought one right before moving to Wyoming, I almost went nuts in traffic for the one week I was driving there.

In Arkansas, the fastest people would drive was 10 mph under the speed limit. And there was never a passing lane. Here, people don't understand the concept of the turn signal and being a college town, there's annoying fratboys driving expensive cars sporting ridiculous looking giant spoilers that don't match the rest of their car. The Tech students drive giant trucks with huge wheels and no mufflers. Be nice if the cops enforced the noise ordinance when it actually needed to be...

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The same licensing system should apply to computer use and include a test on grammar and spelling. There would be a lot more sweet elderly ladies and a lot less LOLOMG!!!

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Not all little old ladies are sweet. In fact, yesterday, (and I rarely drive, by the way, so most of my accounts are from the passenger's seat) a little old lady in her brand new Lexus was passing in the middle lane, which was fine. It wasn't until she was back bumper to front bumper with our car that she worried me. She threw on her turn signal and, ignoring the mass and weight of the jeep I was riding in beside her, attempted to move into the right lane. I saw her do it and got Nate to slow down, but I'm certainly for a law that says you can take your parents' license away after the age of 60 with probable cause.

One more thing. Being in a small town, we have a few intersections that used to be rarely used and are now more popular. At the stop signs of each direction of these 3-way stops, there is a sign that says "Do Not Block Intersection". I've never had this happen to me, but I want to choke people who do so: A car is stopped at the stop sign, respecting the signs and waiting for the intersection to clear out enough for him/her to proceed. (Yes, this person is obviously driving a second hand car) The driver of an expensive new SUV gets frustrated that he is having to wait so long behind the first driver and drives onto the shoulder to go around the person who is simply obeying the law. I asked an officer friend if he could set up a patrol at an intersection in particular where this was a problem, and he told me the truth: He couldn't do so because it would run business away from the small liquor store there as well as the porn shop. I understand the overall effect this would have on our town's economy and such, so I keep a running tab of license plate numbers of anyone I see doing this for the same officer to harrass them later if he sees them out.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Learn to drive asshole? I'm still learning to drive stick!

Ba-dump *Pssshhhh!*

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Kitty, come down to the tri-state area and tell me what bad driving is. Anyone who's been to lower NY/Connecticut can testify to this. EVERYONE in New York has a cell phone, and although like jes_lawson's area it is illegal to use them while driving, people ignore the shit out of that rule. Add in the psychotic taxi drivers trying desperately to support themselves, the enraged commuters pushed to the edge by stop-and-go traffic, and the soccer moms doing eight billion things at once while trying to drive, and you've got me wishing I had a shotgun and it was legal only for ME to use it on people.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

We had an instance like that just a few hours ago. This lady in a SUV was moving at a crawl and stayed stopped at a green light, to which mom had to honk at her before the damn thing turned red again. Mom was all like: "What the hell are you? Drunk? Is that why you're doing 2 freaking miles an hour?!" And we moved past her, and sure enough, CELLPHONE! She had no idea that anything was going on around her. Times like these make me wish we owned a rocket launcher.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

I have mastered the art of driving whilst talking on the cell phone. The thing is, while you're talking on the phone, don't pay attention to the person you're talking to. Say things like "mmhmm" "sure" and "alright" and then say " hey, I'm kind of busy. can I call you back?" Voila! Or, get a hands free set.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Back in my day you couldn't get a high school diploma without driver's ed. Once you saw the blood films, passed the written and driving test at school (including a lame simulator that didn't really let you run down the pedestrians) then they handed you over to the state to pass another written and driving test.

People still sucked at driving though. But we got to go solo by 16.

But here's where I insert the Chicago brag about being able to drive a GEO Metro down an alley covered in ice and 2 foot snow drifts without clipping garbage cans or getting stuck while Volvo driving Californiactors got stuck and rammed utility poles.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

You had a simulator? Now I'm really jealous. All we got to do is drive a Taurus.

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But here's where I insert the Chicago brag about being able to drive a GEO Metro down an alley covered in ice and 2 foot snow drifts without clipping garbage cans or getting stuck while Volvo driving Californiactors got stuck and rammed utility poles.

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I ditto that brag only instead of Chicago I use Wyoming and add Floridians to the mix.

I have a Geo Metro. Front wheel drive. It can do more on snow and ice than my dad's four wheel drive pickup which is good since we have ice and many feet of snow 9 months out of the year. A point I gleefully inform him of every chance I get. And then there's the gas mileage. 65 mpg. I also inform my father of that fact whenever I can. And if I'm feeling particularly evil, I tell him I have an 8 gallon tank as he's filling up his empty and I have half left.

Yes, it's cruel, but I have to have my fun somewhere damnit!

[Click to view comic: 'Can't stand in the place where I live']
[Click to view comic: 'DC stands for "drive courteously!"']

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What others say about boorite!

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I have a Geo Metro. Front wheel drive. It can do more on snow and ice than my dad's four wheel drive pickup which is good since we have ice and many feet of snow 9 months out of the year. A point I gleefully inform him of every chance I get. And then there's the gas mileage. 65 mpg. I also inform my father of that fact whenever I can. And if I'm feeling particularly evil, I tell him I have an 8 gallon tank as he's filling up his empty and I have half left.

Yes, it's cruel, but I have to have my fun somewhere damnit!

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Of course, you won't be laughing when that idiot in the Cadillac rams into you at 70MPH, you go flying into the nearest ravine, and he looks around to find the small animal he hit.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yeah, I already have accepted that. The roads here are filled with giant pickups and semi trucks. When my insurance agent asked me if I wanted more coverage in case of an accident, I declined, saying, "Out here if I get into an accident I'll be dead. More coverage ain't gonna help me."

She was rather shocked at my attitude. The next week I got a new agent who wasn't as squeamish.

I'll have my grandparents' car soon. It's one of those boat-sized cars. Gonna use it for out of town travel to not only cut down on the Ivy squishedness, but it'll be more comfortable driving 1,000 miles in a car with frills.

I was going to say something about the Balto-Wash corridor, but boorite beat me to it and said everything that needs to be said.

I used to think driving in Buffalo was bad, but only two days after I had moved to Baltimore, I had completely renounced that earlier statement. There's something about people doing 60 down the shoulder of the road, refusing to let you in to traffic as you're coming on the beltway, turning left without signals, etc. etc. etc. that makes the occasional dotty old North Buffalo grandma going 15 down Elmwood look positively endearing.

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I has a flavor!

[Click to view comic: 'Drivers license']

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AFROMANS MOVE

A lesson in driving by attitudechicka
A true testament of why I don't drive all that much

Today, I was going to get something to eat, and on my way back, I went through a school zone where students were being released. So I slowed down to the required 20mph speed limit. I noticed an asshole on my ass the entire time, and slammed on my breaks to get him to back off. It worked, until I sped up to 40 mph once again and there he was again. At the end of said street, there's a three-way stop sign. I stopped at the sign and was making a left hand turn. Out of courteousy, I let the guy to my left go first. The man behind me laid on his horn. I was pissed. So I put the car in park, got out, went to his window, and he proceeded to try to RUN ME OVER. I got in a few last words like "That, my friend, is called a STOP SIGN" and "Retake your driving exam!" Then I wrote down his plate number and turned it over to the police.

And you wondered why I don't drive...

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Jeez, Chicka. If I was that guy and I saw an attractive, but irate pregnant female striding towards my car, I'd probably panic myself. A pregnant chick who's crazy enough to get out of her car and verbally chew out someone else is a chick I wouldn't mess with. At the same time, I wouldn't have ridden your ass that whole time, either.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Aye. There are far more fun things to ride...

Anyway, that sounds just about typical of most of the people in Chico. You could be going the speed of light and they'd still be right on your ass, as if they could go faster.

There was one morning where I was trying to cross the street, (to a green light, little walking man and everything) and some asshole pulled up to the crosswalk, then decided to turn right without even looking to see if someone was in the crosswalk. Tapped my knees before I yelled at him, moved a bit out of the way, and kicked his car door in as he sped off trying to avoid getting in trouble. That dent's permenant, and I consider that good enough revenge for his idiocy. I'm just waiting to have him try to pull me into court, and countersue, claiming attempted murder.

Of course, there are the opposites of the speed demon. The people who piddle along at 30mph on the highway.

Oh, and on a side note, on my way to work today, I narrowly avoided slamming into some complete fuckwit who stopped at a red light, then decided to just go right on through as though it were a stop sign.

Sometimes I just want to beat the living shit out of people.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

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Of course, there are the opposites of the speed demon. The people who piddle along at 30mph on the highway.

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Now you're bitching about me. Actually, when I look down to see how fast I'm going, and realize it's too slow, I tend to overcompensate and drive 10-15 over the speed limit. I can't seem to get balanced in my mom's minivan... Another reason I can't be a soccer mom.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I've been driving asshole for years. I gotta say, there is always something new to learn.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Minivans excel at high-speed emergency maneuvers.

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What others say about boorite!

Huh? Why would you do that? Maybe I don't have a clear picture of what this situation looked like, but this throws me off. There is no courtesy rule for letting people on the left go first as far as I'm aware of. At an intersection, if they're on the left and you both arrived at the presice same moment, you have the right of way. Sitting around and waiting for the person on the left to move just slows everyone down and confuses the person you're trying to be courteous to. I personally wouldn't know quite whether to move or not if someone on my right were just sitting there at the intersection. I'd be afraid that they were just making a mistake, and by the time I decided to capitalize on it, we'd both be moving and there would be an accident with me considered to be at fault.

I certainly can't (nor would I want to) make any defense for the ass who was following you the whole time, especially if he tried to hit you with his car (good job on getting the plate number, by the way) but I'm still curious what the deal was with this 3-way stop thing.