Bitten Off More Than He Could Poo? by smamurai 5-12-04

Bernie has an eating problem. Fat Bernie? Yes, he always goes to the toilet after lunch. I followed him today and now I know why? Gross! Did you find vomit all over the toilet? No, I found a stick of butter, a loaf and a large pack of cheese slices sealed in a plastic bag floating in the cistern. The dirty bastard.

You've Changed But I Haven't by smamurai 5-12-04

Sup? Look at the state of your boxers. You mean 'cos one of my balls is hanging out right? Yes and the other one looks like it's wearing a string vest. You wouldn't have worn those when we first started dating. But I did wear these when we first started dating? Yes and they looked good then, but that was 4 years ago.

It's..... Scatological..... Captain by smamurai 5-12-04

No! Yes! Mom, I won't do it on general principle. We'll see about that. GENERAL PRINCIPLE? Look I don't care who does it but I am not leaving here till someone shits on my head. And for the last time I am a Captain not a General.

Ok more to follow as I think of 'em. Scum.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

The third one is almost as funny as the infamous "Surgeon General" series by Major Minor.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Mysteries of the Vegan Unknowable by smamurai 5-14-04

National Vegan Society Headquarters... You're fucking firing me? I thought this was a volunteer position? We're all fed up of your purile pranks Brad, and last week you were spotted eating a hot-dog. Pranks? I don't know what you mean. Anyway most guys in here eat meat every day. That's nonsense, I speak for myself and most of our staff when I say I haven't eaten meat in decades. Oh yeah? Try telling that to the sea-monkeys I put in the water-cooler last week. See this is what I'm talking about.

Sea-Monkey Adventures by smamurai 5-14-04

I saw it first. Everything we find we give to the King. Shit! What is it? It's just a candy wrapper. I knew it wasn't a dollar bill. Lets get back before my face cracks.

Sea-Monkey Adventures by smamurai 5-14-04

Do it! No! Come on man! No! I will order a code-red on your pussy ass if you don't abseil to ground zero right now. *sobs*

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

XD those last three killed me!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Lol I am bumping this to say that for some wack reason last week I wrote these comics thinking that sea-monkeys were called space-monkeys, I don't know why. So over the weekend I realised my slip-up. Anyway the comics have been edited so hopefully they will make more sense.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

I recall reading the words "space monkeys" and thinking, "That joke would have made more sense if he'd said 'sea monkeys'." I wondered if perhaps you'd meant to say sea monkeys instead of space monkeys. But then, I decided to just go with it, and accept the space monkeys. And now the space monkeys are gone.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I think it happened when looking through the characters I thought I could use the chimp in the spacesuit as a close-up for a sea-monkey if I wanted to expand on the strips.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Yes, in that case the spacesuit could become a high-tech diving suit that enables the sea monkeys to live underwater. That way, the sea monkeys and the space monkeys could co-exist in the same comic-strip dimension as seperate, equally-valid entities.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I liked it better with the space monkeys...but oh well. It was hilarious none the less. XD

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

haha thems be funny comics, G

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Like Eminem only I know I'm white.

Spankling the Unauthorised Biography by smamurai 5-18-04

"When I was a kid my dad caught me reading gay porn." I found it in the street. NOOOOOOoooooo! "He locked me in a wardrobe with the San Francisco 69ers. I wasn't allowed out till I smoked every one." Glorp! You got skills son. "He tried the same trick when he caught me drinking alcohol one day." Jimmy's dad gave me a wine-cooler. I'll teach you about the horrors of alcohol son. Get in that wardrobe. The 69ers are on the way and they're drunk.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.