As a child, most of us want to be something like a Doctor or a Football Player or a Teacher when we grow up. As we develop we learn about a wider variance in the job market. We find out about Marine Biologists, Advertising Agents, Prostitutes and Car Salesmen. However, do we know about all the positions people in this world hold? Most likely not. After all, do you think about the CEO of the company that produces those cheap statuettes at the dollar store? How about the Mayor of Hot Coffee, Mississippi? And who was the guy who designed that stupid crown logo for Hallmark anyway?

Your Mission: Create a comic about a job that nobody ever thinks about.

The Rules: The Job doesn't have to be real, but it has to be believable. You can't make it a comic about a guy getting paid to wax hobo penises, because such a job never would exist. Old comics are not OK. Series are good, so are photoshop entries. You will get a special psychic award if you guess the super secret job, but it probably won't increase your chance at winning.

Well, what are you waiting for?

254173[/comic]]

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The only way to discover the limits of possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

i once met a girl whose job it was to measure the penis length of shellfish.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC 262: Here come the warm jets by kramer_vs_kramer 10-18-04

Mikey, I heard you have a new job. What is it you do? I masturbate pigs and collect their semen in glass jars. Yes, but what's your new job?

CC- they're mostly blow by xxausrottenxx 10-18-04

so anyway, what was your job prior to being incarerated? i was the guy that put the poppy seeds on poppy seed buns well that would explain why you got busted for opium well yeah, that and the 30 dead bodies they found under my porch

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xx( o Y o. )xx

CC262: Whose Line Is It, Anyway? by seattlesque 10-18-04

This machine I use was patented in '94, and other models existed before that. But back in the 50's, they actually did it by hand! How fascinating. Most asphalt jockeys think I have an easy job. But striping takes special knowledge of paints and reflectivity! This certainly has been educational. I'm glad you could make it tonight. Thanks a million for screwing up my bachelor party, Al.

CC262: Things That Go Bump In The Night by seattlesque 10-18-04

I get a lot of satisfaction out of putting Braille on elevator buttons. It lets me feel like I'm helping people! Right on! And as an added perk, on the job I meet a lot of sensitive guys who aren't just about how someone looks! Ummm... Hold it. So how bad are we talking here? When it looked like you were bringing her home after dinner, why do you think I kept trying to drag you into traffic?

CC262: Men are from Mars, Women are from Wonka by seattlesque 10-19-04

...after the photolithography, the digital kerning in the font rendering engine was probably the hardest part. I'd have just pulled the "m" hammer off a typewriter, and have it whack the candy as it goes by. But what about Skittles?

Am I the only one who feels a compulsion to photoshop a yellow line down the middle of "Al's" clothes?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

First one's a true story.

CC262: Many Happy Returns by seattlesque 10-19-04

What I MEAN to say is, I take them out of the box...put batteries in them...and see that they run. That's all. Ohhhh. Funny, I guess I didn't think there would be such a job as a "vibrator tester". Let's put it this way: it's not the sort of thing you can return to the store. Good point.

CC262: Spur of the Moment by seattlesque 10-19-04

I can't believe how far that horse threw you! What happened! Spurs are getting dull. Guess I've got to call Frank and see if he can cut me a deal. Whoa, talk about specialization! I can't believe you know a guy who sharpens spurs! No, Frank works at the factory inflating tires on wheelcha...wait. Didn't Christopher Reeves, like, DIE recently? Now that you mention it, I do think I remember reading that. Oooh. Darn. Hmmm. Then yeah, Frank's a spur sharpener, I guess.

CC 262: Faster Than The Speed Of Light(bulbs) by umfumdisi 10-19-04

Wow, did you see who that was? No, but it must have been the person who replaces the bulbs in streetlights. No wonder I've never seen anyone doing that. It's always dark. Sort of like the space between your ears.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 262: Miss Understood by umfumdisi 10-19-04

Hey, guys, I'm the new Fluffer! Oh, yessssssss, we've been waiting for you! Yeah, how are we supposed to work without you? The girl who used to do this job preferred doing it on her knees, but you do whatever's most comfortable. Later... Yeah, and after you've finished downstairs, make sure you fluff the pillows in the display bedrooms upstairs. You guys are so great! I'm gonna love Fluffing. Now, who wants a blowjob?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 262: The Sweet Smell Of Success by biped 10-20-04

Okay Babs, tape's rolling...let's see if we can nail this track in one take. And three...two...one... ***FRRRRRRT!!!*** ***FRRT-RHHHRRT-RRRT!!!*** ***THH-THHH-THHHT!!!*** ***PEE-YOOOO-UUURRRRT!!!*** Whew! Smells like a keeper! You know, I think this is going to be the best fart machine ever. Yeah...hey, ain't it lunchtime yet? They're havin' a big chili blow-out down at Wendy's!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 262: Shortsighted by NeoVid 10-20-04

...then it's yanked a few inches farther out, the tendon is reconnected, and my job's done. Extension surgery sounds a lot more painful than I thought. True, and like all unnecessary medical procedures, it can have complications. Such as one patient who, afterward, had erections that pointed down. Yike. Though that one was my fault. I thought his wife said she wanted him to have a divinING rod.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Do What You Love and You'll Never Work In Your Life by choadwarrior 10-20-04

You're the guy who smells armpits to test different brands of deoderant? Yes. Raise your arms, please. Dude, how much do they pay you to do this? Pay me? This is really more of a hobby. I'm just glad to help out. EEK! Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Mmmmmmmm... musky, not too pretentious, with a slight floral finish.

CC 262: Kid Cuisine by biped 10-21-04

I run an unsuccessful abortion clinic. I own and manage a failing restaurant. *LIGHT BULB* *LIGHT BULB* Whew! Busy night! Can I help you, sir? Yes, my wife wants an abortion, and then we'd like the fetus prepared Italiano-style with a savory parmesian sauce.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Biped, you're a horrible person and make the world a worse place.

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Poop.

Oh, and that comic is in poor taste.

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Poop.

It's worse than that -- the fetus would've grown up to be the scientist who finally cured cancer.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

i <3 biped

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Okay, I'm judging tomorrow, so get all your last entries in.

CC... Something or Other. by 80_Million_Fleas 10-26-04

Really... I'm just a janitor. I don't think you want me for this job. Trust me! You're fine! ...You're still willing to do any for 18 bucks and a Thickburger from Hardees, right? Ha ha! I have collected all the Arrows of Obscurity and now I will us it to defeat you, the Demon of the River-Forest! Not so fast, young Daisetsu! I and only I still wield the Sword of Forever(tm), with which I will stab you until your eyes fall out of your skull.. BRaaaaaa!!! Anime Voice Actor/Janitor I think my Daisetsu was a little off... and thanks for this Thickburger! It doesn't matter. Those Otakus eat up anything they can get their hands on... and you're welcome.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Hi,

New to this whole thing, so please be patient (or swear in private).

CC 262: Thumbs Up For A Job Well Done by quodlibet 10-26-04

Hi, Bob's dad! What exactly do you do at the hospital? I'm really interested in the health professions. Well...you know how in some places, they have people who take blood and others who clean out bedpans, and other people who push beds around? Yup. Well, when someone gets constipated, and I mean really constipated... I stick my finger up their anus and manually disimpact them. Sometimes I need to stick...more than a finger up their bums. That explains a lot about Bob. It's a very satisfying job. Great career prospects.

Hope that works.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

One more.

CC 262: 'Bring Your Parents To Class' Day by quodlibet 10-26-04

Well, boys and girls, I started out as a door-to-door saleman for men's Avon products. That accounts for my ravishing good looks despite my advanced age. I moonlighted in the local Chiquita banana import agency, putting those little stickers onto fruit. From there, it wasn't a huge leap to my current job. Although I'd appreciate it if you didn't call it 'quality assurance.' Heh. I prefer the term 'condom integrity specialist.'

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Posted from an alternate account because I'm saving mine for a special project at the moment ...

CC 262: At the Headquartes of BradCo by AntimatterSwirl 10-26-04

... and I divide the comic rectangle into three panels so that it can become a comic strip. How about you? I guess I follow you on the assembly line. I take each panel and fill it with white, then pass it on to the asian girl installer. You blank out the panels? I'd love to see that. No problema. I'll just clear this one here...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com