A tragi-comic sud-story of a couple reuniting after multiple torrid and steamy affairs with Other Lovers.

Forgive the glaring error in #6.

Temple of Love 1: Lindt, the Swiss Seducer by quodlibet 11-16-04

Oh, Lenny, isn't this view wonderful? It reminds me of our honeymoon here ten years ago! Why, yes, dear, back when we were young and svelte. Oh, Lenny, do you think we can make it again? Do you think you can trust me after my torrid love affair? I don't know, dear. You still haven't given him up! You receive his boxes by mail-order every single day! But, darling, it's Lindt! How can I resist his smooth creamy filling? His wonderful odour! Unwrapping him so slowly from his sheath -- licking his balls, so pregnant with pleasure? Are you telling me that I'm no better than a box of imported chocolates?

Temple of Love 2: Godiva, the Belgian seductress by quodlibet 11-16-04

And, Lenny, you're not blameless yourself! What of your torrid love affair with that horrid Dutch woman? She's not Dutch, dear, she's Belgian. There's a huge difference between the two countries, not only in the simple and obvious superiority of the Belgians, but also in their general outlook on -- But you! You would bite her and make such horrendous noises while you lapped up her sweet fillings. Your eyes devoured her every time we met her in the stores! She tasted voluptuous within my mouth. You clutched her box to you when you slept. You were sleeping with other women in our bed! Our life together has been ruined by a box of chocolates! How many times did you love her behind my back? When you had turned away from me. I needed her sweet and unconditional loving! I could not help it; I was weak.

Temple of Love 3: Whoppers and sausages by quodlibet 11-16-04

And then! And then, if Godiva wasn't enough, you would sneak out at night, behind my back, and make love to Wendy! Now, dear, you can hardly deny that you spent all hours of the day, consorting with that Ronald McDonald fellow, with his tacky golden arches. I thought money wasn't important to you. And that Arby person! What did you ever see in her beef-and-cheese burgers and tawdry curled fries? Was the straight and narrow not enough for you? No, I couldn't help falling into the pit of despair, when you, my love, associated with your latin lover, Orange Julius. Oh, I couldn't watch you squeezing his warm juicy wieners between your lips! Oh, Lenny, but could you manage my distres when I saw you hanging out at Denny's, and Harvey's, so often, with those boys? Excluding me once more from your precious loving presence. I only hoped to catch a glimpse of you with the mysterious Burger King -- how those taunting phone messages he left tore my heart to shreds!

Temple of Love 4: Lick me by quodlibet 11-16-04

No, Lenny, darling, you're right. I shouldn't have spent so much time with Ben and Jerry. I know, darling, I know. I followed you around, jealous of your attention. I watched you bend over the counter, eyeing their wares with those bright eyes. But how could I not, with Rocky Road in front of me? I always cried when I laid eyes on my favourite Chubby Hubby. How could I not despair when I saw you licking Cherry Garcia with such delight? Or studying for Karamel Sutra? Each lick stung my sunken, shattered pride. You know I had Everything But The -- -- adulation and love of your spouse. Oh, Virginia! Forgive me!

Temple of Love 5: The weight of sorrow and misunderstanding by quodlibet 11-16-04

Oh Lenny! I'm so ashamed! I should have trusted you, even when you refused to change the channel, or when you were ogling Anna Kournikova. You should have known that our love was based solidly upon the infatuations of youth and a mistaken impression of sex appeal. I was so worried, with our relationship defined solely by the space we shared and the foods we ate, rather than any profound intellectual pairing. But, my darling, our need to cope with stress with fast food has only strengthened our marriage. Our forms now are so corpulent that even we could not have marital relationships, even if we tried. I'm so sorry for all the time that we've lost out of our lives. Oh Lenny! How I love you! But I'm not sorry for all the lard now wrapped around our thighs and waists, preventing intimate relations with other creatures. Now we can be completely monogamous without fear of further adultery!

[Click to view comic: 'Temple of Love 6: A Gratuitous Feast of Love']
[Click to view comic: 'Temple of Love 7: The Temple of Love Is Falling Down']

- Q

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.