Okayyy... I am greatly honored to be hosting CC 307. After much thought, I decided to make this contest simple. The theme of this contest is the Christmas Holiday Season. However, your comics are not restricted to the Christian faith. Judaism, Islam, Kwanza, Paganism, etc. are open to ridicule, also. If, you want to have one religion bag on the other, fine. Political incorrectness is strongly encouraged.

The rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES!! (Except the comic must be new)

Hint: My sense of humor is obscure and silly (ala Monty Python).

RCL no. 732 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-13-05

Hey, Santa... I know you're busy, so I'll keep it short. For the last ten years, you've given me batteries for Christmas. Do you think maybe you could give me something different this year? Batteries it is! Like, say, a new pair of basketball sneakers, or a caritgan sweater, or a train set, or...

Judging will commence in about a week.

Merry Christmas!
RCLG

CC307: The O'RLY? Factor by UnknownEric 12-14-05

Hi, I'm Bill O'Rly and welcome to the O'RLY Factor. Tonight I'm going to talk about the War on Christmas. After all, we all know that spending ridiculous gads of money on pointless things that have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus is pointless unless the checkout lady wishes you a Merry Christmas. By the way, Santa, if you're watching this, I still want two whores under the tree.

---
I has a flavor!

Sleigh Ride? by UnknownEric 12-14-05

It is a time for wanking, so let's get spanking it soon C'mon, it's lovely weather to fill a tissue with goo Giddy up giddy up giddy up, let's go... just look at that ho I'm totally gonna make sticky snow Giddy up giddy up giddy up, it's grand... just using your hand I'm gonna keep going till my palms are all hairy, man!

---
I has a flavor!

NO. I made the first O'RLY Factor shop and no one can take that away from me.

/curls up into fetal position

Random Christmas Layout no. 001 by crabby 12-14-05

So tell me again exactly how it happened. Well, we wre just sitting around the fireplace and next thing you know the house blew up. Well, we have a few problems with your story. And what problms might those be? Well for starters this wasn't a home that blew up. It was a clothing warehouse. Oh yeah that reminds me of that weird plan to steal christmas I heard on the bus last week.

Random Christmas Layout no. 002 by crabby 12-14-05

See, so if we steal Christmas then everyone will be sad like us. I never understood why we had to be sad all the time. We're orphans. Yeah, I guess you're right. I just hope no one over hears us and decides to steal our plan for themselves. Who would over hear us in this crowded bar? I guess you're right.

Random Christmas Layout no. 003 by crabby 12-14-05

I understand that I'm an orphan and all that. What I don't understand is why I'm supposed to hate Christmas so much. I mean sure, I'm Jewish and I live in the desert so Christmas isn't as festive as other places. I mean sure Santa killed my parents because they were Jewish, but isn't that what he does? Isn't that what we're celebrating ever year?

Random Christmas Layour no. 004 by crabby 12-14-05

So, I over heard this plan to steal Christmas. We could be big stars if we film it and put it up on the internet. But the police will see and catch us. It's already bad enough that you're a teardrop and I'm a robot. The last thing I need is the police cracking my skull in for a good reason. You're such a pussy. I'm a robot. We're you programmed to be a pussy? Actually I was programmed to be a vacuum.

Random Christmas Layout no. 005 by crabby 12-14-05

So whats the great plan you keep telling me about? Well we're gonna trick your boyfriend into burning down my clothing warehouse for the insurance money and we'll run away to Vegas and live like Queens! Queens? Figure of speech. And what exactly does this have to do with Christmas? Who the fuck said anything about Christmas? I just want the damn insurance money.

CC 307: The 25th of Dismember by kaufman 12-14-05

I don't understand that "Deck the Halls" song we just sang. Could you tell me what boughs are? Of course. They're limbs. Billy, why did you ask me down here, and what's that in your hand? o/` Deck the hall with limbs, bows, whatever, of Holly, Fa la la la la la la la la.

CC 307: He Knows When You Are Shaving by kaufman 12-14-05

Monks of the Norelcan order shave themselves with long, sharp straight razors mounted on poles. They believe this will ensure their entrance into paradise in the afterlife. Eohippus novus cunnilingum. Fucum ivdei canteka iok. But one clumsy friar kept cutting himself and making a horrible mess of the bathroom, not to mention the permanent stains on his simple robes. Owwus, owwus! For the sake of his brothers and the cleanliness of the monastery, he made the supreme sacrifice -- he let his beard grow out. Today we know this martyr as St. Nick. Twinkie? Ding-Dong? Fruit pie? Ho-Ho!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 307: Smooth As Buddha by umfumdisi 12-14-05

Sorry I didn't get you anything for Christmas. I don't need anything; I'm a buddhist. *Rub, Rub, Rub* Please stop rubbing my belly. I'm a buddhist, not the Buddha. Then can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas? As long as you don't mind me coming down your "chimney."

CC 307: Random Comic Layout Gift

Really nOW!? Santa sent you OW!t in his place? I thought penguins lived at the SOW!th Pole. Do you want your presents or not?

by umfumdisi, 12-14-05

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

The Vampire Who Loved Christmas by biped 12-15-05

Ho ho ho! I vant to dreenk your Yule-tastic blood, Debbie! Why, you're the merriest vampire ever! Yum! Dat vas a de-lee-cious holiday blood-nog! What a...Christmassy... way...to die... (GURGLE!) Happy Chreesmas to all, and to all a good -- BITE! MWUH-HA-HA-HA! That joke just cost you a train set.

The Vampire Who Loved Christmas 2 by biped 12-15-05

Vell -- I've hunk my shtockinks arount da graveyard vit care -- -- but all you're getting is UNDERWEAR! Oh, come on, Santa! You know how much I vant dat train set! Da one vit da real shmoke dat comes out of da -- CHUH! You're lucky you're getting ANYTHING, you soulless abomination of evil! Ack -- dees undervear -- ees too tight arount my genitalia -- Oh, BOO HOO!

The Vampire Who Loved Christmas 3 by biped 12-15-05

Here. Santa felt sorry for you. OH, BOY ! YIPPEE! Ees eet my train set? My PRECIOUS TRAIN SET? No, it's a "Pretty In Pink" Barbie Fashion Fantasy set. We had one left over. I -- oh. Vell, I guess dat could be kint of fun. RUN, Barbie, RUN! KEN is comink to DREENK YOUR BLOOD! MWUH-HA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, man. Santa ripped you off, dude.

The Vampire Who Loved Christmas 4 by biped 12-15-05

Debbie says blood's too fattening. She wants a "Fresca." ACK! My new bride is vorse dan FRANK'NSHTEIN ant da VOLF MAN PUT TOGETHER! My new coffin makes me look fat. I can't take thees anymore, Debbie! You're RUININK CHREESMAS! HERE! TAKE da Barbie Fashion Fantasy ant GO! I RELEASE you from my servitude! YAY!

The Vampire Who Loved Christmas 5 by biped 12-15-05

Dees has been da VORST Chreesmas EVER! Ant dis UNDERVEAR is cuttink off da circulation een my TESTICLES! Uh...me and the guys got together and bought you a train set. At the flea market. OH, GOODY! I -- it isn't movink. Ant vere's da shmoke? Da real shmoke? Uh...that one cost too much. Just use your imagination... you know, like Barney the dinosaur says. VERE ISS DIS DINOSAUR? I vill SUCK HISS BLOOD! NOW you're talkin'!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 307: The Day Christmas was Ruined by drawinger 12-15-05

This Christmas will be lovely! All the little kids will be so happy, celebrating Christ's B-day. Yea, well , I'm a Jew. What the hell do you mean you're a Jew? I mean I'm a Jew. What are you?? Atheist. Eff you.

---
fff

CC 307: The Day Christmas was Ruined 2 by drawinger 12-15-05

What are you doing in my house? Oh. I'm... SANTA!! LEAVE A CANDY CANE__Wait. Who the hell are you? Santa! HOHOHO! That sucks balls. This Christmas can't get worse. Too bad you killed yourself. This year you weren't going to get coal. You had a chance for that truck.

The Day Christmas was Ruined 3 by drawinger 12-15-05

Oh. Hello little girl. Sucky sucky, five dollah. What? Am I being set up? Awww...Do I have to get the gay in-joke? I and 999 gravitons resent that.

---
fff

CC307 - Always Coca Cola by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 12-15-05

I told you motherfucker. 2000 years it took me , but now more people believe in Santa than Jesus. True , but you dont have a fanatic with the worlds largest arsenal of nuclear weapons to do your bidding. Shit How are my shares in the Coca Cola company doing?

---
"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Taking The 'Christ' Out Of Christmas by HotRodDeathToll 12-15-05

Seasons Greetings! I'm going to sue you! Why? Because you're taking the 'Christ' out of Christmas. Merry Christmas. Hey, you're not getting out that easy.

Taking The 'Christ' Out Of Christmas - Part Two by HotRodDeathToll 12-15-05

Merry Christmas! Go back to church you loser. Why? It's pronounced 'happy holiday'. Go to hell then, you anti-christ! Go to heaven then, you pro-god!

---
The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Gran and Gran: Good Old Christmas by HotRodDeathToll 12-15-05

Merry Christmas! Not again! I had sex with your husband. That doesn't matter, i had sex with your wife.

---
The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

It's Better To Receive by AccentuateNegative 12-15-05

Can we just be friends and forget about getting each other Christmas gifts this year? Why? You're impossible to shop for. I am? What do you get for the man who's had everyone?

When You Care Enough To Send The Very Least by choadwarrior 12-15-05

Do you have any holiday cards other than the Christmas and Hanukkah cards over there? Those are it. Those cards really aren't my style. What do you want it to say? "I'm giving this to you out of obligation"

Tis The Season To Be Jolly by choadwarrior 12-15-05

You're the only co-worker I like. Thanks. I'm so glad you'll be at the boss's holiday party--I wouldn't be able to endure it without you. Actually, I can't go. I wish I had a co-worker I liked.

Chappy Cholidays by choadwarrior 12-15-05

Did you notice the man in the Santa suit is the Jewish guy in the office? If Santa was Jewish, I'd probably leave him a plate of money instead of cookies. And then, I'd ask him for money.

CC 307: Tis the season to freak out and yell at people by mmyers 12-16-05

This is MY time of the year, for remembering me and what I did. This is MY time of the year, for remembering loved ones and giving them gifts in rememberance. I disagree. This is MY time of the year. Who are you? I'm Garret Augustus Morgan. I invented the traffic light and people sit in huge lines at them, waiting to go to church or to department stores, all because of me! Ha! Help me off this cross, Santa. I'm gonna beat this guy's ass.

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

CC 307: Jesus christmas stand-up extravaganza! by TheBigJE 12-16-05

People are talking about this "taking christ out of christmas thing" have you heard about this? I think they should take the PAMELA ANDERSON out of the CLOTHES! Am I right!? Tits.