DaveMonkey Vs. Anti-Semitism by DaveMonkey 2-10-06

Mr. Monkey, since you were incapacitated for the last three or so years I feel I should tell you this... Go Ahead. ...Hitler was right. The Jews were planning to take over the world, get their filthy jew-claws on our jobs and defile our aryan women. It's only matter of time before... Still haven't gotten over that jeweller short changing you, have you? ...Look, if you let me create some sort of bomb made out of pork... Get out.

Always Worth a Shot... by DaveMonkey 2-10-06

Hey Trish! Long time, no see. Dave, you little bastard! I've missed you more than I thought I would! Do you wanna fu-- I didn't miss you that much.

Enjoy. Tell me if you like them, 'cause affirmation feeds me more than a XL Whopper ever could.

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

Some more...

Euphamisms and such... by DaveMonkey 2-10-06

Trish, can you and me... Y'know... Make beautiful music together? Can we... can we bump uglies? Make the beast with... with two backs? What? What I'm saying is... is... would you- I mean, is it okay that we make love? Dave, I would love to. Only I'm up on on blocks... You see, it's my time of... I... I'm using dracula's teabag for a week... What?

Not that there's anything wrong with that... by DaveMonkey 2-10-06

Howdy Sir! Can y'all tell me the way to Brokeback Mountain? I'm meeting my boyf- A friend. Well of course. What you want to do is go straight up Cottaging Avenue, past Getinmy Alley, right at Pushyourshitbackville and another right at Cuppedballsuckdick Street. You know I'm gay? I'd be more shocked if anyone DIDN'T know.

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

Yer all bastards for not giving two squirts of piss about my shit, but I still love yers anyway, so here's some more comics for ya:

Lost: The DaveMonkey Way. by DaveMonkey 2-14-06

Don't look at me like that. Port is left, starboard is right. You crashed the fucking thing!

Alternative Lost: Part II by DaveMonkey 2-14-06

Ummm... "Something... Beginning with 'C'..." ...I mean, apart from the 'C' I'm looking at... It's Coconut! It's over there! There's no need for name-calling!

Alternative Lost: Part III by DaveMonkey 2-14-06

Look, I have needs. There's not another woman in a 500-mile radius. All I'm saying is-- YOU STAY AWAY!! YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY AND NOT TALK TO ME AGAIN!!

Have fun.

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

and more...

It Can Happen to You. by DaveMonkey 2-14-06

12 Years Ago... Right, Dave. Can you spell 'Antidisestablishmentarialism'? Right you are! A-N-T-I-D... Oh... I can't believe you got your first erection at a Spelling Bee! I can't believe my mother videotaped it.

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

These are definitely not the most horrible comics ever made.

In the future please do not make any more references to the "Whopper" unless they are complimentary ones.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I made two squirts of piss. You can have them if you want. The comics are worth more, seeing as how they're hilarious, but if you REALLY want two squirts of piss...

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Goddamn I love whoppers. Best burger out there (apart from the Big Tasty but that's a personal thing).

You gave two squirts for me! Hooray! You can keep the (ahem) personal donation, but feedback is better.

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

And more...

Alternatively Lost 4 by DaveMonkey 2-15-06

...I'm trying to keep calm about this... ...But we... have one tree left... and you chopped down the other for-- Hey look, if you're gonna bitch at me all day, you don't get a shot on the see-saw...

This one actually happened to me.

An Autobigraphical Account. by DaveMonkey 2-15-06

See DaveMonkey in his natural environment, casually insulting a booming internet e-commerce... Fuck eBay. Useless crap sold online by losers who have way too much crap and way too much time on their-- But wait! Watch as he gets sucked into a world of which he has no control. Let's see what happens. Ooh! Transformers: the Movie and Astro Boy Omega factor are only 99p each! I must bid! 2 Days, 3 Hours and a deep, deep feeling of shame later... Right, so I got an M.C. Hammer T-Shirt and a bootleg copy of the latest Family Guy episodes. Where do I go to get my life back? Congratulations! You have successfully won the bid on a Fat Boys album!Sucker!

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"