... by JohnnyPolite 4-26-06

So, I was walking down Bank, right, and this guy totally tried to grab my ass... Well, I didn't feel or see anything, but I could just tell as I walked by that he wanted to, ya know? fuckin' homo. ... I, too, hate homosexuals. Perhaps sometime you and I can get together for some very heterosexual, totally straight, completely non-gay two-man bum sex? ... *whistle*

...? by JohnnyPolite 4-27-06

This is my greatest invention ever. This is the one that'll make people call me doctor without 'mad' in front of it. You should certainly be very proud of yourself, doctor. Oh yeah. That's the stuff right there. Say it again. Doctor. ...Say, Doc, what is this stuff, anyway? I mean, I'm happy to congratulate you on your accomplishments, but this doesn't look too appetizing. I call it "Semen in a cup." ... Better luck next time.

har har! by JohnnyPolite 4-27-06

So, this chick was talking to me about how adorable and shit her cat is, and the bastard is shedding all over the place, and rubbing his ass against my leg, and just being a fucking lame-o in general. Right. So I tell her her cat is kinda weird, you know, a kinda tactful way of saying "Is this thing retarded?" So she tells me the cat is like "an artist." wtf. So I said "Hey, I make art with cats! I call it 'Dead cat in a can of paint'!" HAR HAR! ... You sicken me.

Well, I think they're kinda funny. *shrug*

i've seen a lot worse. kinda like the first one. keep pluggin away....

---
Kill Whitey.

Angry American is too restrained in his praise of these comics, which resemble an explosive device known as "the bomb."

---
What others say about boorite!

They made me smirk.

---
More lust than you can shake a stick at.

I thought the first one was great

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Validation is a pretty sweet fruit.

it makes great wine too

---
Kill Whitey.

Here are a few more that I find funny (they can be hit and miss... Sometimes I make one then immediately go "wtf was i thinking?")

WOOOOOOO by JohnnyPolite 4-28-06

So, how was the party? Oh man. There were all these retards high on E, and you wouldn't believe the shit they spew out their mouths. One girl was talking to some drunk guy about, I quote, "How great it is to be smart." Then the girl mentioned how she was a writer, so the guy said yeah? Me too! Yeah, I brought some of my poems, they're amazing shit.. Anyone who describes their own poems as 'amazing shit' has no soul. You know that the idea of a party is to socialise, right, not watch and mentally judge people for fun. Whatever, guy.

titles are not my friend. by JohnnyPolite 4-29-06

Heya. So I told her, "I will hang you up by your fucking vagina!" ...Dude. Yeah, maybe that was a little over the line. Not to mention random. Did that story have a beginning at any time, or is that it? You know, it probably did. That's the only bit worth remembering though. You should've seen her face. Totally worth the restraining order.

haiku. by JohnnyPolite 5-03-06

Hey guy. I heard you got suspended for writing a poem. What happened? Not just a poem, dude. A Haiku. The previous day... In class today we'll be presenting our haikus. Johnny, why don't you start? "Starlet chokes on cock. 'I'm only 15,' she cries. Cameras all halt." HAIKU! ...Dude. Yeah. The education establishment ain't got no soul.

WTF were you thinking?

I wasn't thinking. I was, uh, feeling. Cause that's the way us poets ROLL.
...Yeah, that'll do.

The last two were very good.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It's a guy thing. by JohnnyPolite 5-05-06

So, how'd it go with that girl? She freaked out, called me a stalker. wtf? Yeah, I tried to explain how covering your walls with a girl's picture, filling bookshelves with things you found in her garbage, and masturbating in the dark crying is normal. ... You know, it's a guy thing. Like football.

That might be my greatest accomplishment ever.

you are improving at an exponential rate.

---
Kill Whitey.

im not a fan of these comics

---
whats up i am sebra 139

Well, that there just breaks my heart.

Your comics are good, and sebra, by way of contrast, is indistinguishable from fecal matter.

---
What others say about boorite!

You should be a fan of shutting up.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

haha, I was joking. I've read some of Sebra's comics, and wasn't impressed. By which I mean I was the opposite of impressed. What's that word... Oh yeah. Nauseated. So it's hard to take that kind of negative criticism to heart.

"you see, the kids, they listen to the rap music..." by JohnnyPolite 5-13-06

So, how's your first day teaching going? Oh, not bad. I'm just correcting their first assignment, I asked every student to write a paragraph describing themselves. I hope I'm not marking these too harshly. Well, let's take a look... Hmm. This person apparently likes 'hurse riding' and 'milk shaykes,' and you gave them an A? Well, you know... I would have given an A+ but there were a few...glaring... mistakes. I mean, I don't want to discourage them with failure. Yeah... She also wrote 'LOL!" In handwriting. Who does that? ...Isn't this a grade 11 english class? I, too, fear for civilization.

+5 points to anyone who gets the title.

You are now on my favorites list.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

sweet.

cunnilingus metaphors. by JohnnyPolite 5-04-06

Hey dude. You can write, right? Help me out here. What's going on? I met this really hot chick. I figured the thing to do would be to write a letter to herexpressing my love and need to stick it in her. So, what's a good cunnilingus metaphor? "I will eat you like.." If you have 'like,' it isn't a metaphor, it's a simile. It's a kind of metaphor, except metaphors aren't usually direct and obvious comparisons like that. A simile is like an ugly bastard metaphor. ...You are doing the opposite of helping. Whatever, dude. If you don't know the difference between a metaphor and a simile your letter probably sucks balls anyway.

bill cosby. where's my 5 points?

---
Kill Whitey.

I'm not sure nausiated is the opposite of impressed, but I am sure that JohnnyPolite is an awesome user name.

well, unimpressed is the opposite of impressed. But nauseated is funnier, so there you go. As for the user name, I stole it from The Tick.
+5 points to Angry American.
"You see, the kids, they listen to the rap music, which gives them the brain damage! With the hippin` and the hoppin` and the bippin` and the boppin`, they don`t know what the JAZZ is all about! See, jazz is like jello pudding, no, it`s like Kodak film, no, wait, it`s like the new Coke, it`ll be around forver heheheh."

It isn't really Bill Cosby, its from the Simpsons. The episode where Bleeding Gums Murphy dies.