Tobor. Dr. Pedantic. Fuck. Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction. Mohh Omlo. Non-Sequitur Donkey.

What do they have in common? They're all one note characters. And frankly, they're kind of old. Okay, cornholing never gets old, but you get my drift.

The ranks of our one-note characters need some new blood! Your mission is to come up with a new one.

Series are acceptable if they illustrate the amazing one-noteness of your creation, but no 10-part epics please.

And please, do better than THIS:

Introducing... Jaques Valdez! by fuzzyman 11-13-01

Hello! Allow me to introduce myself! Please do! I am Jaques Valdez, the evil half-brother of Juan Valdez. Your half-brother Juan brings us rich Colombian coffee! What do you do that makes you so evil, Jaques? Starbucks. (((shudder)))

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I created this guy last month, with the hopes of making him my own one-note character...

Jimmy The Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-22-06

Congratulations on a great defensive effort today. Thanks, Jimmy, we gave 110%, played within ourselves, and took it one game at a time. I haven't seen that many sacks since I sat in the front row at Chippendale's.

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-22-06

You really dominated inside tonight. If you wanna win games, you gotta play an up-tempo game and take it to the boards. I haven't seen ball control that good since I fired my last dominatrix.

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-22-06

Coach, you finally won a game this season--how proud are you of this team? We've had our ups and downs, but now they're firing on all cylinders. The important thing is to carry this momentum into next week and not rest on our laurels. They came together like like schoolboys in a circle-jerk.

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-22-06

So far tonight, we've seen the most exciting hockey game of the season. If you're going to win games, you have to put the puck in the net. Like I always tell my wife, "I can't wait for the end of the next period."

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-22-06

You guys really took some punishment down there on the field today. It's a rebuilding year. It's all about winning and losing, but right now, our offense is struggling and we got a whoopin' It almost looked like we never fought the Civil War.

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 10-25-06

Well, it all came down to your last putt on the 18th green for you to win your first major...what was going through your mind? I knew it was a makeable putt, but it worried me when it hung up there on the edge of the cup for a moment. I haven't seen so much tension waiting for a ball to drop since my son's first year. That one was sub-par.

It's really just a variation on a theme:

Laundromat Mystery: SOLVED!

Meet Mr. Jerks-Off-In-Your-Sock-When-You-Turn-Your-Back-On-Your-Laundry-In-Public. Yes, they're cousins.

by boloboffin, 9-20-06

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Wow. I did these a while back, but they stil work.

Abe Vi-Yoda

Defeat Vader you must. Save you not, can rotor turbines. What the fuck are you talking about?

by HCRoyall, 10-31-05

Abe Vi-Yoda by HCRoyall 11-01-05

Hot alien women here, there are not. Great Wisdom, there is. Bad Hairpiece, you have. Dammit... Spock! What... is it?! Undetermined, Captain. Preliminary scans reveal the creature is older than would be considered possible.

Abe Vi-Yoda

Teach you I cannot. Too much anger in you, I sense. This is because I'm Black, isn't it?

by HCRoyall, 11-01-05

Abe Vi-Yoda

Screen calls, you must. A skill that is handy, avoiding telemarketers is. What does that have to do with using the Force?

by HCRoyall, 11-01-05

Abe Vi-Yoda

The path to the Dark Side, Drinking is. So THAT explains the cool finger lightning and choking-people trick!

by HCRoyall, 11-01-05

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

RCL no. 1331 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-16-06

Okay... Here are the rules for CC: 338... Waffles! We must come up with a NEW one-note character... Waffles! Hmmm... Apparently, a "nonsequitor donkey" is already on the list of OLD one-note characters... Seriously, folks... Do I even LOOK like a fucking donkey?

RCL no. 1332 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-16-06

(Re)introducing "Stuttering Frozen Brad"... Tell me again why you want to forgo your "saved status"... ...and have me take you down to the HOT, burning bowels of Hell? B-b-be-ca-cause, it's f-f-f-f-f-fucking F-F-F-F-FREEZING up h-h-here!! I'll see what I can do...

RCL no. 1333 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-16-06

♫ ...LA-LA-LA... ♫ Dude... ♫ ...LA-LA-LA-LA- LAAAAAAAAA!! ♫ Change your TUNE, already! I can't, dude! I'm a "one-note" character!HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [*snort*] HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [*BURP*]

Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man by biped 11-13-06

I'll prove to everyone that I can surf without having to use my arms for balance. That'll show 'em. I'll prove to everyone that I don't have to use my arms to swim, or to defend myself from that shark. Poor, stubborn Dan. He was just dead-set against using his arms for anything. I know. He even masturbated with his feet. He liked to brag about it during dinner... (sniff)

Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man 2 by biped 11-16-06

I'll prove to everyone that I don't need to use my arms to dig my way out of this grave. That'll show 'em. I'll prove to everyone that a zombie doesn't need to use his arms to scare people. BRAINS!!! BRAAAAINSSS!!! Well, to be honest, Dan, you're not very threatening. Dan, I was willing to hire you even though you're a zombie. But those goats aren't going to milk themselves. I'll prove to you and everyone else that I don't need to use my arms to milk a hundred and fifty goats.

Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man 3 by biped 11-16-06

Did...did you just grab my breast... with your FOOT? I'll prove to everyone that I don't need to use my arms to get accused of sexual harrassment. Excuse me, uh... why are you lapping up your martini like a dog? I'll prove to everyone that I don't need to use my arms to be as cool as James Bond. You...you want me to (gag) WHAT? I'll prove to everyone that I can "take a dump" without pulling my pants down or wiping myself.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 338: Memorable by NeoVid 11-16-06

Who are you, kid? I'm SC's new character, Forgotten Man. Really? Well, good luck, kid. I know how hard it is to be popular here. Whatever. Luck won't do me any good with my problem. I bet I never even appear in another comic. Hey, who was that? Who was who?

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 338: Less memorable by NeoVid 11-16-06

Forgotten Man? I'm Senator Lipservice, and I must say I understand your problem completely. I haven't been in a comic in four years. Damn, and I thought my life blew. You're talking to someone who's disappeared for so long he doesn't remember what he used to look like. Now that I'm back, I promise to bring back all the forgotten characters, like you! Wow. Thanks, Senator. No one's ever done something like that for me. Well, sir, you've gotten new contracts for Mister Oblivious, Misremembered Platitude Trout, and Descolada. Are we forgetting anyone? Nope.

---
"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Introducing: Disbelief Man!

Disbelief Man 1 by Xuanwu 11-16-06

You wouldn't believe the sort of growths I have down there... I DISBELIEVE! I'm a hot sexy plaything with a passion for sweet lovin'. Whoo!

Disbelief Man 2 by Xuanwu 11-16-06

I must camp out for a week in front of the store for the slim chance of getting a PS3! I DISBELIEVE! Hey, wanna come to my place and play with the Wii? You know it!

Disbelief Man 3 by Xuanwu 11-16-06

Rejoice! God has smiled upon you this day! I DISBELIEVE! Feel better, now? Strangely... Yes.

CC 338: One-Note Wonder by biped 11-16-06

HEE HAW!!! ME DOG ON BALL!!! ME GET CHAINSAW AND-- Oh, give it a rest. You're such a "one-note" character. Oh, yeah? For your information, there have been several stories in which I have displayed uncharacteristically multi-leveled character traits, such as-- Oh? And who read them? Hmm? Well...uh... Yeah, I thought so. Now shut the fuck up.

CC 338: One-Note Wonder 2 by biped 11-16-06

So, what are YOU now? Mr. Snide, Cynical Dude Who Stands There With His Arms Crossed And Puts Everyone Else Down? Huh? I'll have you know-- Yeah, you're such a "one-note" character--I'll bet you couldn't say anything nice if your life depended on it. Oh, yeah? Well, I think you...are very sexy...in a weird kind of way...and I would like...to hump your brains out. Chuh--like I haven't heard that before. Well, I'm not a one-note character, anyway.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 338: My One-Note Character

LA!

by umfumdisi, 11-16-06

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

RCL is correct. These should be NEW one-note characters created for this contest. Sorry I wasn't more explicit.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Just to clarify: my two-comic series featuring my old one-note character Dog-On-Ball was intended to introduce my new one-note character, Mr. Snide, Cynical Dude Who Stands There With His Arms Crossed And Puts Everyone Else Down.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC338: Up-to-the-minute edgy comedy by UnknownEric 11-17-06

LEWL! LEWL! You guys contribute NOTHING!!! Who the fuck was that? Oh, that was Mr.-Regular-Forum-User-Who-One-Day-Freaks-Out-And-Insults-boorite-and-ivy.

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I has a flavor!

I remember that one way new memes arose was to put them side-by-side with old memes. So in that tradition:

Disbelief Man 4 by Xuanwu 11-17-06

NALE TEH BICH! I DISBELIEVE! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU! Ah, crap.

Disbelief Man 5 by Xuanwu 11-17-06

PREPARE FOR CORNHOLING! I DISBELIEVE! PREPARE FOR CORNHOLING... WITH JACKHAMMER! Gah!

Another one-note: "Oh, god!" Gal!

Dead Body Inc. by Xuanwu 11-17-06

Oh, god! It's someone's body! Come one! Come all! Play with the corpse! Only $5 for the first 10 minutes! Wait... this body looks familiar... Can you please move along? I'm trying to run a business, here. Oh, god! It's your sister! She always was an enterprising gal.

Anyone else remember the "AHA! It is me, Jesus!" meme from a couple years back?

"Oh, god!" Gal by Xuanwu 11-17-06

Look what I brought home! Oh, god! GHLKXBRGH! Oh, god! AHA! It is me, Jesus! Oh, god!