I remember as a kid watching all the old reruns of the Rocky and Bullwinkle show, and one of my favorite parts was the Fractured Fairy Tales, where they'd take a well-known story and warp it almost beyond recognition.

This theme for this contest is to do the same thing, only you are allowed to use any sort of famous story, movie, or event from history. Parody it, twist it up, make it hilarious. Bonus points if you take some tragic moment and make it funny.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

i love it when a contest lets me rehash old comics so i don't have to put through any real effort.

thanks HC!

Kung Spock 1 by AngryAmerican 5-24-06

and so you see, the bridge is CURSED! He who crosses it only goes to his doom. The ghost takes his revenge! The premise that there is a supernatural being guarding the bridge is not logical. Empirical data does not support this theory. You mean maybe its just a crazy old man asking 3 questions of everyone who wishes to cross? That is my supposition. Perhaps i can test this theory by attempting to cross this bridge myself. Its just as i surmised. The bridge was merely a metaphor for a purely psychological phenomena. He kicked your ass didn't he?

Kung Spock 2 by AngryAmerican 5-24-06

and on my planet we chase the humans with manswatters to keep them out of our poppy fields... Please don't interrupt me while i'm having a flashback.... But Master Ho says that which is a butterfly surely cannot be a fish. Ah, but is it not written that that the the shark who swims with sheep shears not a lifetime of knowledge? It made sense at the time.

Kung Spock 3 by AngryAmerican 5-24-06

So... Hold on. I'm having another one. Blind Master Ha told me to sweep the leaves from the courtyard. But why bother when surely more leaves will fall? All leaves must fall. It is the will of the Infinite. Master Ha makes you sweep to teach you the Ways of the Dragon and Tiger. It is why he made you wax his cars and paint his fence. Wow. Look at the time... It was old man Crenshaw. he did it to scare everyone away from the castle because he knew there are rich plutonium deposits under it. And he would have gotten away with it...

Kung Spock 4 (the second season) by AngryAmerican 5-26-06

Do you not remember me Qui Spock? You killed my brother Ting Lo. Or should i say Aggravating Monkey, that is what those fools the Masters called him. I recall the confrontation that led to your siblings death. I was merely defending myself against his unwanted advances. I sought not his death. I shall have vengence 'grassmoker'. I will cut your unnatural ears from your still thrashing body! Violence begets violence. Nothing is accomplished through combat. Only by embracing the gentle flow of life's ceaseless wonder can one hope to change the world for the better. Or by having a phaser.

Kung Spock 5 (the second season) by AngryAmerican 5-26-06

But why does the mantis pray Blind Master Ha? Move closer and i will tell you young grassmoker. Why are you touching me there Blind Master Ha? Oh I'm sorry. I was reaching for my cane. My smooth, young, supple bald cane. Can I put my pants back on now? Do you want to learn about the mantis or not?

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Kill Whitey.

cc376 by mandingo 12-17-07

what the hell i'm doing a historical reenactment so i kidnapped Katherine Harris, stripped her naked, and hired a crane to lower a randy horse down onto her you're thinking of Catherine the Great nah, i'm doing the 2000 election you wouldn't BELIEVE what elephant rental goes for these days

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what if nigger meant kite

for some reason i think of titanic instantly for this contest...

my heart will go on and on and on and on for 3 freaking hrs by serendipity2OO3 12-18-07

ill never let go jake, ill never let go bitch get off that board and let me float for a while chivalry is so dead

RCL no. 1746 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-18-07

Have you found any new reads, Baxter? I'm assuming you mean "leads", Wong Wei... And, yes, it looks like we have a serial occurence going on here! Have you narrowed the rist of suspects? Well, it appears it's three or four guys, each taking a turn, over and over and over again. It's a fucking conspir-acy, I tell you! Um, I'm rost. What movie are we parodying right now? Movie? Oh, I thought you were asking about the last fifteen comic contests!

RandomComicLayoutGuyIt's funny because it's true.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

HCRoyallIt's funny because it's true.

It's no conspiracy, judging is subjective.

Maybe the 3-4winners are the funniest people on this site and EARN the win with FUNNY comics and don't whine about not winning...? Just a thought.

Cre8tive13

I don't know. I think when whining is actually pretty funny you just call it comedy.

crackpanther

I don't know. I think when whining is actually pretty funny you just call it comedy.

Especially if you're Richard Lewis or Woody Allen or [fill in name of favorite SC stripper].

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

CC 376: Tears for Fears Parody

If Tears for Fears were Canadian, instead of English, they would have sounded a little something like this: Shoot, shoot, let it all oot, these are the things I could do withoot, come on, I'm talking to you...

by deathtoradio, 12-19-07

Everyone who's actually gotten this reference found it insanely funny.

CC 376: No one will get it

I am the President! Humperdumper dido!

by NeoVid, 12-19-07

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 376: Custer's Last Stand

Battle of Little Bighorn I don't know, soldier. There's a lot of indians down there. They're shooting at us with bows and arrows...they might as well be throwing stones at us, for christ's sake! I mean, really, how bad could it get?

by deathtoradio, 12-19-07

RCL no. 1747 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-19-07

"The Shining", three months after Wendy and Danny escaped from the Overlook Hotel... Danny? What's wrong? Where you going? COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!! Is there a problem, ma'am? I don't know... My son took one look at you, started chanting, "cuff-tub, cuff-tub", and then ran off screaming! What do you think it all means, Father? I, er, have no idea...

NeoVid

"Preacher"?

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

Of Rice and Men (CC 376) by theburninator 12-20-07

Just stand right there, Lenny. And don't turn around. Ok George. I'm so sorry Lenny. For wha-

 

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what happened to my rustic monologue? ...i'm not sleeping with that producer again

"Preacher"?

Yep.

 It's an obvious ref, if you know the source, but I've got no clue who will.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Godfather: The Animated Series by Xuanwu 10-20-06

Mr. Coppola, I don't think Godfather Part 4 is a very good idea. The original actors still hate you for Part 3. Nonsense! Abe Vigoda signed up. For the rest of the cast, we'll do it like Roger Rabbit: mix real people with cartoons drawn in a popular art style. What style? Anime! Godfather Part 4 Tomcat, can't you get me out of this? For old time's sake. Sorry, Tessio. Not this time. Nyu~!

Godfather: The Animated Series 2 by Xuanwu 10-22-06

God, I can't believe those Mafia jerks. They expect me to let their big chested bimbo co-star in MY picture? Idiots! Hey, something's pulling on my leg. Something... slimy... Y halo thar NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Soylent Matrix by ZMannZilla 12-24-07

What is The Matrix? Control. The Matrix is a computer generated dream world, built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into... this. DURACELL IS PEOPLE!!! IT'S PEOPLE!!!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

New Comic by Humpenstein 12-24-07

What the hell are you? I'm the living embodiment of all Chuck Norris jokes. So if you're a joke you're funny right?

Sorta a parody of Dr. Suess:

RCL no. 1750 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-31-07

It's almost two thousand-eight... I can hardly wait! Do you think it's my fate for us to go out on a date in two thousand eight? Before an answer I orate, I have cause to hesitate... Why would I choose you as a mate? Oh, the joy for you I can create! All the good things I can bring to the plate. All your desires I will satiate. May I wait for you outside your gate..? If, it's true what you state, then, meet me tomorrow night at eight. Now I must go home and rotate milking the "twins" because they ache as they've begun to swell with lactate... Great, it's a date! I'll see you outside your gate at eight. In the meantime, I'll cogitate about your swelling breasts full of lactate, then go home and fever-ishly masturbate...

(or maybe Shakespeare)

CC 376: Planet Error by biped 1-05-08

YAAAAAAAAA!!! The flesh-eating psycho zombies just chewed my leg off!!! Don't worry, Palomita. I'll just stick a machine gun in your stump and it'll make you look cool and sexy. Hi Honey, I--OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK!!! SHIT...FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCKITY FUCK-FUCK!!! Hi, Mom. I hope my machine gun leg won't disrupt our dinner with the Wilsons at Olive Garden tonight. Sorry about your husband, Mrs. Wilson. See, I had a leg cramp, and-- "LEG CRAMP"? YOU BLEW HIS HEAD OFF, YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!

CC 376: Unforgivezo by biped 1-05-08

I used ta kill anythin' that walked or crawled. But my wife cured me of all that. Now I'm just a reg'lar feller. Well, that's good, Mr. Munny. Here at Clownzo Clown College, you're supposed to make people laugh. Not kill them. WAA-HAAAA!!! SOMEBODY JUST CUT ME UP!!! I'LL PAY $1,000 TO WHOEVER KILLS HIM FOR ME!!! WAAA-HAAAA!!! Hmm...that money sure would help out me an' the young 'uns. Mebbe I could be a clown and still kill folks. It...it's not fair...I was about to eat dessert... Dessert's got nothin' to do with it.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 1753 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 1-05-08

SC Theater Presents: "Thelma and Sanderson: Waiting for GODot"... How much longer should we wait? Don't know... Maybe, a day or so... Then, I'll send a message to the "comander-in-chief"... How can you? The internet's down. I've been trying to upload porn all day... No, worries. I'm sure he's reading this as we speak... President Huckabee reads this lame-ass strip? No, you silly! Brad. Hey, Brad... Any idea when HCRoyall is going to come out of his New Year's Eve stupor and judge this fucking contest?

There were many fine entries to this contest. But this one is the winner.

Soylent Matrix by ZMannZilla 12-24-07

What is The Matrix? Control. The Matrix is a computer generated dream world, built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into... this. DURACELL IS PEOPLE!!! IT'S PEOPLE!!!

The last line simply had me chuckling to myself for hours, and so, ZMannZilla is the proud owner of CC377.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

This contest finally being over makes us all winners.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

All good things must come to an end. All bad things, too, just slower.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.