World's Worst... Superhero.  I swear I did a search of the forums to see if this had been done before and got nothin', but some people don't believe in calling a spade a kite.

Substandard rules apply: old work is fine, any number of panels, say what you gotta say in just one strip (no series, sorry), and bonus points for bodily function humor.   That's how I roll.  Contest ends at noon PST on September 27, for absolute certain.

You've waited long enough.  Do something super-de-duper! 

The Prince of Rinse by themushroom 7-17-07

Y'know, I have that "not-so-fresh feeling" right now. What I really need right now is... *TA TA TAAAA!!* Greetings, funky-crotched citizen! Douche-Man!!

 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

I have a bunch I've already done. Here are some unrelated strips about different superheroes.

The Adventures of Priestman and Choirboy, part i by fpd 1-18-06

In the swank penthouse of playboy hustler Bruce Wang. Bruce, there's a giant cross floating in the night sky. Mais oui, Dick, it's the Priest signal. Let us go to the Sanctuary. In mere moments, Bruce Wang and Dick Gayson transform into Priestman and Choirboy. Holy hangover, Priestman. What kind of criminal mischief do you think is afoot? We'll know soon enough. Commissioner Hardon is waiting for us. On top of police headquarters. Priestman, all the ceramic eggs at the Gothic City Unnatural History Museum have been stolen. Egad, there is only one fiend so devilishly obsessed with decorated eggs. This must be the work of Bunnyman.

The Secret Origin of Kapitän Übel by fpd 1-14-05

Buy a paper, mister? Big news, today! Weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iran, North Korea, and even Canada. No, I read the Onion online before it hits the streets. Come, follow me through this abandoned subway. Welcome, Willy Wanton. I am the grand wizard Shagleg. Repeat my name, and you shall be as a god. S ................... (Sloth) H ................ (Hubris) A ................. (Anger) G ............. (Gluttony) L ................... (Lust) E ................... (Envy) G ................ (Greed) Whenever you repeat my name, you will transform into Kapitän Übel, which in English is Captain Evil. Go now and do evil! Shove off, old man! I'll do whatever I damn well please, and right now I want to eat a ton of burgers, watch some porn, and take a long nap.

The Evanescent Five by fpd 1-28-04

The new superhero group, the Evanescent Five, is no longer with us. Mr. Evanescent could strech his limbs any length. But he couldn't unstretch himself. He lost muscle tone and died of a heart attack. The Human Combustion has died of spontaneous human combustion. The Snowman was too close to the conflagration and melted. The Vanishing Girl has vanished. And who can forget the Forgettable It? It had the power to obscure any memory of him or her. Did you say the Evanescent Five? Don't you mean the Evanescent Four? Yes, from channel 3 news, we will miss you, Mr. Evanescent, Human Combustion, Snowman, and Vanishing Girl.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

The New Adventures of Milk-Bone Man by christopher7murphy 9-13-08

Welcome to Dog City. America's heartworm..er heartland. But what is this? A fiendish fellon if we ever saw one! OH, NO! A Hold up! Not in the city of Milk-Bone Man... and his faithful pup, Chomper. But wait... Where is Milk-Bone Man? CHOMPER!? What?

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

Since the rules didn't say I had to make up an original superhero, here is a strip about some actual comic book superheros. I saw the trailer to the movie about them when I went to see the Dark Knight.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't already read the graphic novel and want to watch the movie without knowing what is supposed to happen, don't read this strip.

WW60: Watchmen Watching the Watchmen by fpd 9-13-08

Doctor Manhattan, Ozymandius wants to launch a major attack on New York City and blame it on space aliens. But Ozymandius is the most intelligent man in the world, Rorshcach, and he has fought evil alongside us many times. Why would he want to do this? Due to tensions between the United States and the Soviet Union, he thinks it is the only way to unite the world and avert nuclear war. But what will happen when the space aliens don't arrive? Maybe people will begin to suspect each other of being aliens in disguise. Maybe Ozymandius is foolish to try to manipulate everyone like this. After all, people read all kinds of different things into things. I fear his overweening pride in his intelligence has finally exceeded his intelligence. We must stop him before it is too late.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

The Adventure of THE HUMAN CHICKEN by Tterb 9-14-08

Someone Help! They stole all the money and got away! No problem young lad. I lay the egg of justice, I peck at the face of evil, I cluck during the darkest of nights for I am The Human Chicken.

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horray for life. boo.

WW60: Global Holocaust Penguin by lima 9-16-08

My car? Some fuck stole my car! Sounds like someone needs a lil' Global Holocaust.. QUACK!

Aquaman

What are you reading? Aquaman.

by dcomposed, 9-17-08

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Catches-on-fire-in-the-second-panel-man by dcomposed 9-17-08

Uh oh! It's Catches-on-fire- in-the-second- panel-man. That's right. And you're going straight to jail. Continue the robbery.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

One more week folks.  One more week.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

WW by HCRoyall 9-22-08

Time Travel Man ha done it again! With Hitler's great-great-great-grandparents dead, the world is a better place! What's this? World War 8? Teletubbies rule the world by 2029? Shit. I'll have to start all over again. Weeeeelp, back to the Jurassic to fuck some dinosaurs.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

WWFS: Worlds Worst Fucking Superhero. by NooniePuuBunny 9-23-08

Whats wrong commissioner? Tentacle man! Just in the nick of time. Bondage Fairy, your arch nemesis, has broken into the first national bank and is spanking the tellers! What? That FIEND! I'll get right on it! Good luck and God speed! *slam* EEEEK! Dammit Tentacle Man! I want you to save the damn tellers, not FUCK them.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

WW-KFC Man by xxausrottenxx 9-24-08

i kill chickens for mr sanders he gets off on the suit

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Is a doctor a hero? If so.........

The A.R.B Collection- #3 by Beeko180 7-17-08

Anything else doctor? Yes, You need to get a drip. The End By James. What's the occasion? There IS no occasion I just want to see you scream in utter pain.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

If a doctor is then a lifeguard must be.

The Lifeguard by Beeko180 9-18-08

Year of the lifeguard tune......... The sound of a needle scratching a record is replacing it I'm going to give this kid some lovin' of my own.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

He's a bad superhero because he's creating havoc and not hope. 

Daily Days: Don't-Say-Hell Day by Beeko180 7-09-08

The birth of Don't-say-Hell Day..................... I dare you to not say Hell for one day. Your on! One hour later..................... Woozel-Warzle-ning-nong What the HELL are you saying?! The End By James. Oh damn it I say'd Hell! Oh damn it I said it again!

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

CC401 & WW60: This Superhero Really Stinks! by fpd 9-27-08

While out with his pal Charlie the Chatty Cat, Gus Small spots trouble afoot. Crikey! Will you look at that? This looks like a job for ... No, no, don't do it! Don't change into ... Ingesting a mysterious musical fruit he discovered while exploring the bottom of the world, Gus Small transforms into ... Methane Man! Cease and desist your villainy, foul miscreant! Who are you calling foul, you red cut cheese? Peeyoo!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW60: Spider-Man's Ultimate Girlfriend by fpd 9-27-08

Kitty Pryde, why did Peter leave me for you? What do you have that I don't? I have superpowers, Mary Jane. Peter doesn't have to worry about me getting hurt. Well, now I have superpowers too. I just got myself bitten by a radioactive black widow! What are you going to do, bite Spidey's head off? Hey, if I can't have him, no one else should either! I should reach inside and rip out your heart for that!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Finally, here is a superhero I've been thinking about doing for a while.

WW60: The DC Marvel by fpd 9-27-08

Harvey Dell, cub reporter for the Timely Eclipse news blog. Mr. President, what's the coolest thing you've ever done as President? Showing my dad I'm better than him by kicking Saddam's butt! Uh, that's off the record, right? Nobody knows that he is secretly National Atlas, the DC Marvel. I stand for truth, justice, and the American way, as defined by the Bush administration! You're truly this nation's greatest superhero, National Atlas, next to Jesus of course. What foe will National Atlas face next? No more war! Why do you hate America, fiend?!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Okay, time to put down the self-colonoscopy kit and judge this thing.  There was some good work.  And then there were the comics about heroic professions... true heroes don't get paid.  And when was the last time Superman got a blowjob from a citizen he saved?  When was the last time Spider-Man got a blowjob at all?  (Batman is the exception.  He's self-weathly AND he's got both Commissioner Gordon and Robin to get his bat-rocks off over.  And I'm pretty sure that Underdog got to hit Polly Purebred after every rescue.)  But I digress.

Prince Valliant efforts go to: fpd for several (except Methane Man, though the part about a mysterious musical fruit cracked me up), Beeko for ingenuity on Don't-Say-Hell and the lifeguard (I met that guy once), Auxrotten for the true nature of Col. Sanders, dcom for the CFITSP Man, Lima for Danger Penguin.

Special recognition and a nickel-plated little loving cup to Seanator for Homosexual Innuendo Man.  You almost made it.  (huh huh, what I just said)

But the winder of this joint is, for making me need this colonoscopy... Tterb!

Live long and perspire.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Okay, time to put down the self-colonoscopy kit and judge this thing.  There was some good work.  And then there were the comics about heroic professions... true heroes don't get paid.  And when was the last time Superman got a blowjob from a citizen he saved?  When was the last time Spider-Man got a blowjob at all?  (Batman is the exception.  He's self-weathly AND he's got both Commissioner Gordon and Robin to get his bat-rocks off over.  And I'm pretty sure that Underdog got to hit Polly Purebred after every rescue.)  But I digress.

Prince Valliant efforts go to: fpd for several (except Methane Man, though the part about a mysterious musical fruit cracked me up), Beeko for ingenuity on Don't-Say-Hell and the lifeguard (I met that guy once), Auxrotten for the true nature of Col. Sanders, dcom for the CFITSP Man, Lima for Danger Penguin.

Special recognition and a nickel-plated little loving cup to Seanator for Homosexual Innuendo Man.  You almost made it.  (huh huh, what I just said)

But the winder of this joint is, for making me need this colonoscopy... Tterb!

Live long and perspire.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

 

The "Horray I won something where I don't get a prize" comic

Hooray, I won something I didn't think I would win or won something where I get no real prize or anything like that. Shut up.

by Tterb, 9-28-08

good stuff.. well I'll think something up for the next contest and hopefully my idea doesnt suck and kill WW forever.  I'll try and get the contest going as soon as I can.  Oh ya Thanks for the win and sorry for my comic making you have to get a colonscope, themushroom.

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horray for life. boo.

No, my friend, that colonoscopy was my pleasure.  Now I can add that skills set to my resume.  Wanna see?

And no, I have no idea why that post got doubled, I didn't hit the Back button.

Godspeed with the new WW. 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.