I have a good friend who claims to hate penguins, but cannot explain why to my satisfaction.  I asked him if it was a hockey thing, because he's a Flyers fan, but he said no.  I asked him if he was just trying to be weird, and he said maybe.

I want you to fill this thread with comics that will drive him crazy.  Then, after the competition is over, I'll show it to him, and laugh heartily.

Your comics must be about penguins in some way.  It's not required that they actually depict any penguins, but Stripcreator does have penguin characters in the "kofightclub" and "kaddar2" categories, for your convenience.

Because I want to see as many penguin comics as possible, old comics are allowed, and there is no limit on the number of entries per person.

I will judge this contest sometime over the weekend.  Definitely not before Saturday night, and possibly as late as Sunday night, depending on how my schedule shapes up.

And now... go!

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

You know, something like this.

The man who really hated penguins for some reason by evil_d 3-31-09

Surprising news from Antarctica today, as researchers there have discovered that penguins are amateur alchemists! That's right, Tom. A new study shows that when penguins inhale large amounts of greenhouse gases, small amounts of gold show up in their excretions! This remarkable quality means that the fuzzy little guys could be a great help in cleaning up the environment, while making some money for their owners on the side. Everybody already loved penguins because they're so cute... ...but with the discovery that they're also monetarily and ecologically valuable, expect their popularity as household pets to increase significantly. grrrRRRRRR

Penguins are racists by evil_d 3-31-09

Why did the penguin cross the road? I don't know, why? I don't know either, but at least he wasn't a chicken! Ha ha ha ha ha! Good one! *sniff*

 

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

something old and something new. i'd submit my balls for something borrowed, something blue, if not for your 'no submitting your balls' rule. fascist

happy feel good comic by mandingo 1-06-07

Marital Aids have you been a bad little penguin? so bad. oh god, so bad Marital Aids i just got back from the doctor, Frank. your infidelities have killed us both i'm so sorry, Ellen! i don't know what's more depressing - the middle frame of this comic or the fact that i caught you masturbating to it pregnant chicks are hot

Penguins penguins penguins penguins A SNAKE! IT'S A SNAKE! by mandingo 3-31-09

look, i don't know what pussy ass crime you're in for, but do yourself a favor and stay out of my way me? what i'm in for? it's kind of gruesome actually i stabbed a nun in the face with the sharpened femur of an orphan. lay it on me 2 hours later... ...so there i am, climbing out of this fat Haitian i'd used as a Tauntaun, ass deep in dead penguins, and suddenly it occurs to me GODDAMN i love Sea World GUARD!

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what if nigger meant kite

I submit to you my series from biped Random Harvest contest, via CC 330, based on this comic:

CaffeineAnime.Com Story PART 4: DEAD AKA THE END AKA OVER!~ by mrotsl 2-07-04

TROUBLE TICKET #1 Hi, I'm Andrew, you never paid your bill for February, SUSPENDED, until you do, then everything will be back to normal! TROUBLE TICKET #2 Ok, I paid, we all good now? Ya. No wait. Hi, I'm Andrew, even though no one goes to your web space ever, you use too much resources, so we are suspending your account forever. You can't back anything up either. TROUBLE TICKET #3 Couldn't you have told me that before I paid you? Ya, but I want your money, you stupid faggot.

And now the series:

Attack of the Server Penguins by HCRoyall 8-23-06

Joke's on you. I gave you a fake credit card number. What? Fine. Pay me for real and I'll open your account back up. Really? No. You realize you aren't getting any money now, right? I always screw up on that one.

Attack of the Server Penguins 2 by HCRoyall 8-23-06

How did you get into my house, anyway? Penguins can walk through walls. No they can't. Okay, I just walked in the front door. You left it wide open. That sounds about right.

Attack of the Server Penguin 3 by HCRoyall 8-23-06

Okay, seriously. This time if you pay me I'll really set everything back the way it was. Promise? Promise. You swear? Only on occasion.

Attack of the Server Penguin 4 by HCRoyall 8-23-06

All right. Here's fifty bucks. Excellent. So when will everything be back the way it was? By the next panel. I hate you. So much.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

A PENGUIN TELLS VARIOUS PEOPLE NOT TO "HAVE A COW" by biped 4-13-04

Don't have a cow, man! Don't have a cow, man! Don't have a cow, man!

Awwwwww... by biped 3-31-09

Sorry Arnold, but they only gave Mr. Drummond two free tickets to the circus, and he's taking me. What'choo talkin' bout, Willis? (sigh) The penguin just isn't working out. I'm afraid we're going to have to concede to Gary Coleman's contract demands. NO!!! What the show needs is MORE penguins--not LESS!!! --so we're not going to the circus at all, Arnold. We're all going to... Disneyland. WOW! Thanks, Mr. Drummond. I mean...Dad.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Great Penguin Uprising by AngryAmerican 3-31-09

OK, here's the plan. You know that human geological outpost a couple of miles south of here? Yeah, what about it? We're gonna raid it, slaughter the inhabitants and steal their Xbox 360. The great penguin uprising begins tonight! I don't know man. I don't think its a good idea to let the humans know how smart we are. They have weed. I'll get my chainsaw.

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Kill Whitey.

cc422: My other theory is Happy Feet by mandingo 3-31-09

i just don't get it, John. what could've possibly happened to make you hate penguins so much? oh, it's a long, convoluted story. it would take hours to tell

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what if nigger meant kite

Puffin Job

I don't suppose you're into snowballing...

by choadwarrior, 3-31-09

It's You by LittleRocker 2-21-09

Are you Rhamus The Penguin, the guy that raped my Mom, murdered my Dad, and bombed my uncles house? Yes, I also Shot your sister in the face and fucked your grandmother. So your the guy that killed everyone in my family? Yes. Can you sign my coffee mug?

Reminds me of that Ice Capades thread of yore.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Lookalike by evil_d 4-01-09

Cool, it's the maitre d'! Hey, do people ever tell you guys that you look like penguins? I think you have it backwards, sir. You mean penguins tell you that you look like people? Hmm, I guess you do kind of look like Russell Crowe. What? Don't be ridiculous! Next customer, please! Hey, are you Russell Crowe? Can I have your autograph? Shut up!!

Don't worry, I won't judge my own comics.  No matter how hilarious they may be. 

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

The Penguin Show by Beeko180 12-06-08

AAAAAAAAAHH!!!! OH THE PAIN!!!!!! THE PAIN OF IT ALL!!!! MY EYES MY EYES MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!!! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!! Man! Calm down! Your just eating a bananna! Oh. I thought you were devouring my flesh.

The Penguin Show by Beeko180 11-21-08

Hey hey! Ah screw it. Want some KFC?

The Stoned Penguin Show by Beeko180 11-21-08

Di' tha' title just say I'm- Hi fffffatty! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! Talking Shoe!

The Penguin Show by Beeko180 11-10-08

Hey hey! Ah screw it. Want some dope?

The Penguin Show by Beeko180 11-10-08

I'm a penguin. Who smokes lots of crack.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Got Any Grapes? by Namgubed 4-01-09

Two penguins walk into a bar ... Next two duck.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

The Emperor's new clothes

Cool threads dude Thanks mate

by TheGovernor, 4-02-09

CC422: The Toga Bar - Penguin Goes Into a Bar "The Musical" by up4abeer 4-02-09

A pint of Guinness and a tuna if you please. That'll be 11.50, Make it 12 if you want cheese. Start a tab for me oh barkeep if you don’t mind A credit card is required for service of that kind. Oh my it seems I left my wallet in my other tux. No stout or fish for you. Now don’t that fucking suck.

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Shovel Ready

RCL no. 1973 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-02-09

Did you hear that the Queen of England committed a breach of royal protocol when she met with Michelle Obama? Appar-ently, she called the First Lady an "n-word"... Oops! That's gonna leave a mark... So, what's for dinner? Penguin soup... Again? FUUUUUCK!!

Penguin Hatin' People by deathtoradio 4-02-09

How's it feel to know that god hates you? You're kidding, right? Look at this sweet tuxedo he gave me. Yeah, but he gave you arms so small you can't even reach your own cock. You're wife's mouth found it, okay. Come again? That's what she said.

The A.R.B Collection: #253 by Beeko180 4-03-09

You see, Life is a series of moral standards. The first one is the simple rule of always take what you can. Like that scary penguin over there stabbing that helpless two year old.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Great Penguin Uprising 2 by AngryAmerican 4-02-09

Damn that was fun. I wish there were more humans around to kill. Its better than Resident Evil 5. And honestly who knew human flesh tasted like yellow fin tuna? We're on our way, buddy, we're on our way! Its a shame two of them made it to the helicopter. When they tell the other humans, we're in for some trouble. Don't worry. If I can master an Xbox game using only a set of flippers, I think I can manage a surface to air missile.

Great Penguin Uprising 3 by AngryAmerican 4-03-09

General Waddly sir, the human outpost has been destroyed, the XBox captured and the survivors eaten sir! Excellent work Captain. What about the weed? Do we have chronic or skank? Sir I am happy to report the weed is as chronic as you wanna be. Its danker than a polar bears asshole, sir! Right! Captain I want you to send an SOS signal requesting more humans and weed, then load up my hookah. Sir yes sir! Sir do you think it wise to ask for more humans? What if they send more than we can handle? How many could there be?