Sorry I haven't been around too much.  Now that I have real gainful employment, my time is more limited than it used to be.  In fact I thought of doing a contest involving my profession, but I'm really not feeling that sadistic tonight.  So instead ...

Take a look at these two comics of mine, one nearly a decade old, the other nearly two hours old:

World's Stupidest Movie Critic #1 by kaufman 5-18-01

This week we're discussing that so-called classic, "Pride of the Yankees," starring Gary Cooper. "Today-ay, I consider mysel-elf ... Cooper plays Lou Gehrig, a baseball player who gets sick and dies of, *SURPRISE*, Lou Gehrig's disease. The luckiest ma-an I mean DUH! The audience is going to see that coming a mile away. Give the guy another name, for crying out loud! On the face of this earrtth."

Or so I've heard ... by kaufman 7-13-10

You know what pisses me off about the Twilight movies? What? Here's a girl choosing between a bloodsucking killer and a hairy animal who has more issues with that time of the month than any woman ... But does the bitch ever give a nice guy a second look? NOOOOOOO!

That should give you the idea ...

Your mission is to create a comic in which the characters provide commentary on a well-known movie or series of movies.  But it should be from an unexpected perspective, a la my examples.  And hopefully, it should be funnier than them.

That's about it.  Also, no animals may be harmed in the making of your comics.

(Terminator 2) Judgment Day will be in about a week and a half.  Now, action!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 2260 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-14-10

You may not know this, but my grand-father was a famous artist from the old country. Well, one day I was cleaning out my dad's garage and I found a lost paint-ing of grandpa's from the 1930's... I wanted to have an expert look at it to tell me if it was any good... After doing an exhaustive search, one name kept popping up over and over: Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford? Yes. It seems that back in the 80's he was a "rater of the lost art"...

CC455: Who Watches, Indeed by ZMannZilla 7-14-10

Let's see... The "world's smartest man" not only uses a floppy disk to hide his most important secrets, but he has the password sitting right next to the nearest computer. That right there is pretty flimsy story-telling, and you can't even blame that one on Hollywood, because it was written into the damn book too. I guess my point, Laser-Man, is don't bother seeing the latest Tom Clancy movie. That's nice, Dr. Destructo, now for the last time, get down on the ground with your hands on your head, before I power-blast you into a fine blue mist..

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Bela Lugosi, Who? by ragu4u 7-13-10

How come I get no auditions for the "Twilight" films? Sorry, Bela. Now, it's all about T & A and tight abs. Abs? You want abs? I'll show you abs. You gotta loose the purple sport coat, Boobie! Oh, sorry. How's this? Nice deltoids but the one inch legs are a deal breaker.

CC 455 by lukket 7-15-10

Sorry Frau, but we don't have Abrammoczyk, Abusch, Abzug, Adler, Aftergut ... anything from this very long shopping list really. Um.... Herr Schindler. I'm afraid there's nobody called Butter, Flour, Milk or Pork in the concentration camp.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

RCL no. 2267 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-15-10

The first one came out of nowhere, hunting me down, day and night, it was relentless. Unforgiving. The worst part? I never saw it coming! And, you say there were more of them who tracked you down? Yes. Dozen's of them! No matter where I hid, they found me. As if they had some sort of infrared vision... But, they eventually gave up, thank god! Who were those monstrous creatures? CREDITORS!

CC 455 - Hero in need of bm by lukket 7-16-10

So. What's do you do. I analyze movies. OK. What is the lesson we generally take from movies? Um... shit happens. And in the case of Pulp Fiction; Shit happens when you go to the lavatory.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

CC 455 - Not without a hitch by lukket 7-17-10

So. Let's see. It's quite a lawsuit you're facing. Let's see. A crashed crop duster, defiling the Mount Rushmore monument, breaking into the UN, stealing an ambulance, sneaking in on an auction... What made you do it? I was out hiking and my friend said that we should go North by Northwest.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

"NON-SARDINES COMICS" not starring: Sardines by biped 7-17-10

GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!!! THEY BLEW IT UP!!! DAAAAAMN THEM!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HEEEELLLLL!!! SOYLENT GREEN...IS PEOPLE!!! IT'S PEEEOPLLLLE!!! What does that crazy matador think this is... Charlton Heston Movie Quotes at the Zoo Day?

Carrie White's Fun Day by biped 7-17-10

I done boughten me a new hoodie fuh church camp, Mawma, ain't it real purty? Red...I shoulda known it would be red. Take it off!!! Take it off and we'll BURN IT TOGETHAH!!! I done joint thuh Girl Scouts, Mawma. I'm gonna sell cookies, and go campin', and-- SINFUL WHORES in prideful brown mini-skirts! We'll go to their slutty den of iniquity and BURN THEM TOGETHAH!!! Look, Mawma, I done frosted mah buthday cake, ain't it sweet and nice and festive and-- AND THE LORD LET LOOSE THE RAVEN UPON THE FACE OF THE BUTHDAY CAKE, AND THE RAVEN'S NAME WAS FROSTIN'!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 455 - Sick evil brat by lukket 7-22-10

you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK Oh Travis. I wish you could have said that I can't be your invisible friend anymore in a nicer way.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Hey, we have a winner!  It's lukket for his take on Schindler's List.  Thanks for your comics, everyone!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com