It has come to my attention that some people think masturbation in its various forms is less than the high-minded pursuit of pleasure I have always taken it to be. Faced with this shocking notion I turn to you good, sticky-fingered people. What say you?

Is sliding down yer own fire pole (or spelunking for clams for you ladies) really all that bad? For my own part I have to say that hair never grew on my palms. On the contrary, all those applications of lotion seem to have given me a silky grip.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

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What others say about boorite!

Purely for medical reasons -- it's good for the prostate. I swear, the only reason I watch roller derby during these medically approved exercise sessions is so that I won't enjoy them too much.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Masturbation has never seemed wrong to me. At first I thought it was amazing, the greatest gift God had given me, it was like discovering my own "easter egg", pull this a few times and you'll get a surprise!

But now it's just something that I do.

It passes the time, a bit of self-gratification. Soon it'll be as socially acceptable as smoking, you'll be in a cafe/pub/bar and you'll reach for the equivalent of an ashtray........a wank bowl I guess, jerk off, and put it back on the table.

no-one will even bat an eyelid!

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Dad was flammable

If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP.

"Fred, I'm sorry, but you masturbate too, so we can't be friends anymore".

What the fuck?

First off, do you go around asking your friends if they jack off? Do you expect them to be honest? This is horribly stupid.

Also, whoever wrote this sure thinks about masturbation a lot, but he probably sticks it in choir boys during summer camp, so he doesn't need to whack off.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

First of all, I can't imagine the thought of masturbating entering my head and me going "OH MY GOD" and running out of the bathroom half dressed to run into the living room with a hard on and say "Mum, please, I can't be left alone".

also "do not admire yourself in a mirror", what kind of freak do they think I am?? Like, I'm going to wank in front of the mirror while pointing and winking at myself "hey there sweet cheeks!"

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Dad was flammable

So if they aren't supposed to read about their problem, what the hell are the gonna do with this information. My first guess would be masturbate to it.
I also think it is rather funny that with all this typing about masturbation, the guy writing this was probably masturbating while he was doing it.

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First of all, I can't imagine the thought of masturbating entering my head and me going "OH MY GOD" and running out of the bathroom half dressed to run into the living room with a hard on and say "Mum, please, I can't be left alone".

also "do not admire yourself in a mirror", what kind of freak do they think I am?? Like, I'm going to wank in front of the mirror while pointing and winking at myself "hey there sweet cheeks!"

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

That last paragraph made me want to wank.
And I did.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yer maw wanked me last night. She wasn't very good at it.

...which is odd, considering how much practise she gets.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Yer maw wanked my dog, and she was spectacular. Took 'er five seconds.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

We should leave Andy alone in this thread for a week with just a packet of Digestive biscuits to sustain him , and see if he survives.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Hmmmm... not to many cons listed. Guess I should have plunked this into general discussions.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Ah, youth.

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What others say about boorite!

I was going to make an Andydougan - Digestive joke, but I didn't know wether the Digestive was an international biscuit, or if those craaaazzzyyy Yanks called it something stupid like a "Krolbite" or "Supra Bbyzkit".

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Dad was flammable

Mmmm. My favorite.

I was going to make an Andydougan - Digestive joke, but I didn't know wether the Digestive was an international biscuit, or if those craaaazzzyyy Yanks called it something stupid like a "Krolbite" or "Supra Bbyzkit".

Hell if I know, I've never heard of anything resembling anything that you just mentioned. All I know is that you ruined my wanking experience with images of guys wanking in front of the mirror while pointing and winking at their reflection saying "Hey there, sweet cheeks."

My masturbation face.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

The fawn is masturbating in front of a mirror.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This is a thread that should never have died.