every time i see something honoring the military, i want to wee on Ron Kovic. first because it's dumb to honor kids right out of high school who don't know their ass from their elbow, and second because that kind of forced patriotic bullshit just fools more of those same types of kids into jumping into the meat grinder. plus now i have to sit through the national anthem and god bless america before a baseball game which is just weak. fucking. sauce.

so, for this contest, make fun of patriotism, soldiers, the military, you get the idea. word of warning though - i hate political comics so try to make fun of those things in their own right. easy to do.

good luck, have fun. i'll judge sometime between Flag Day and Pater's day.

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what if nigger meant kite

Days of our Military Lives (1) by El_Phen 6-09-12

General Stickman! I have an urgent message from Colonel Cthulu. God damn it Smtih! Not while I'm thinkning about nailing your mother! Fine, the moment's gone. Give it here. What is it sir? Good Lord! Cthulu's wife has left him for a French mime artist and he's demanding I allow him to leave to fight a duel or he'll explode a bomb in our last remaining warehouse of porn! Duh-duh-duhh!

Days of our Military Lives (2) by El_Phen 6-09-12

Sir! You've been thinking for the past thirty seconds wthout moving. What are you going to do about Colonel Cthulu holding our last remaining warehoue of porn hostage for leave to fiight a duel? The duel with his wife's lover the French mime-artist? I can't blame him. Mimes are the most stupid things on Earth and French ones doubly so. I'm thinking of allowing him to just kill the blighter. What about the bomb that he's threatening to use to destroy the warehouse? That's the problem man. How did he get it and, more to the point, how long do we have before he detonates the device? Also, what will he do when he learns that I'VE been giving hi wife sexy-time too! Duh-duh-duuuhhhh

Days of our Military Lives (3) by El_Phen 6-09-12

Sir! You drifted off again! Colonel Cthulu! The bomb in the porn warehouse! The bloody duel with the French mime and your own 'shenanigans' with his wife! This demands your urgent attention! Sorry Smith. Just thinking about Betty...Colonel Cthulu's wife and that thing she does with the pineapple and the donkey mask... SIR! What? Oh, yes, right. Take Colonel Cthulu's letter to General Snowman and General Tobor. Betty...liked her 'Little Generals' if you get my meaning. Duh-duh-duuuuhh! But sir, isn't General Snowman a woman? She is now...

Days of our Military Lives (4) by El_Phen 6-09-12

Wow sir! Are you saying that Colonel Cthulu's wife was having 'relations' with four people, one of whom USED to be a man, and that he's threatening to blow up our last warehouse of porn for a duel? The French mime he wants to kill is the only one of us that he knows about and I want it that way. Go to General's Snowman and Tobor and give them the letter you gave to me then kill yourself. Kill myself!? Yes. I can't risk Colonel Cthulu finding out about 'Tuesday Sexytime'. That French mime should keep his mouth shut but I can't be sure about you. I'd doo it myself but I need to lead this assault. Duh-duh-duuuuhhh! You can't ask me to kill myself after delivering a message to keep you and a few other General's alive. I can Smith, because, when I was thinking about nailing your mother earlier it wasn't just wishfull thinking. Smith, I AM YOUR FATHER!

Days of our Military Lives (5) by El_Phen 6-09-12

I need to stop a bomber blowing up a porn warehouse by allowing him to fight a duel with a French mime and you want me to get a letter to some Generals, then kill myself because you're my father. That'ss pretty much correct yes Smith. I mean Son. Riiiiiiiiight Well, it's either me, the mime, General Snowman or General Tobor. Personally I'd want it to be me. Or General Tobor, he's hung like a stallion.

[Click to view comic: 'Days of our Military Lives (6)']

I know, I'm just re-hashing am idea I once had. I also know they're not funny but screw it, they're here now.

cc557: R.C.L.- A LONE SPIRITUAL WARRIOR SAYS GRACE! by bigworm 6-09-12

Dear Lord, You and You alone are my Commander and Chief. I have "...put on the new man", and no longer see "Greek norJew". Thus my knowledge has been "...renewed in the image of he who created me, that Christ is all, and in all men." Bein' as how I'm a spiritual warrior, and seein' as how there's this dead dude behind me, and bein' it's nigh on lunch time...

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bigworm

CC 557 "Bums Away"! by ragu4u 6-09-12

Damned immigrant. Get outta MY country. You look like a bum. What? You heard me, Haji. So, I look like bomb, huh? Now I GOTTA blow shit up. Take THAT, patriotic prick.

Well, I made this one for another CC (I think mandingo was running that one as well), seems like a fitting placeholder until I come up with something more original.

CC468: Patriotism For Some Is How Far They Are From The Bomb by ZMannZilla 1-21-11

Ugh! This background offends me! You! Go send someone to blow themselves up in the next panel! You! Cave Master says for you to go blow yourself up in the next panel, for the glory of our God! You! I'm gonna blow up this whole panel now! Die for your comic! No! The explosion will hit me first! I am terrified! Fuck this comic, I just want to live! I love this comic, but not enough to die for it! We really have to stop pissing off those guys before I get blown up next! DO IT FAGGOT!!! USA! USA! USA! WOOOOO!!!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Something old:

Bathroom Rules by four_legged_tripod 6-26-09

Hey kid. You didn't wash your hands after you used the bathroom. Yeah, so? In the Army, they taught us to wash our hands after we used the bathroom. Yeah, well in kindergarten, they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Something new:

Get the Point? by four_legged_tripod 6-11-12

What are you doing? Practicing for my Uncle Sam audition. I want YOU to join the army! Stop with the patriotic bullshit. I have half a mind to tell you and the real Uncle Sam where you can stick that finger! I want you to APPEASE uncle sam like you OTTA for ME!!! That's not where I was thinking you should stick that finger asshole. And by the way, that joke TAINT funny!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - Francis and Lemuel present: Only in America by edoggydog 6-11-12

Hey, Francis... Yes, Lemuel? Did you hear about the guy who got shot while hitch-hiking in Montana? Yes. He was documenting his travels for a book he's writing called, "The Kindness of America". ♫ IRO... ...NEEEE! ♫

cc557: Lunch Time! by bigworm 6-12-12

Private Bailey reporting for duty sir! Is the private speaking to Uncle Sam sir? Yes Private, what is it? Orders from General Mansdingle sir!!! Uncle Sam is to 'about face', and the private is to finger-wave Uncle Sam, sir! You tell Mansdingle this is a mans army, and that Uncle Sam is unaffected by a mere finger! Sir, yessir!!! Now gimme' a quick fist before you go!

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bigworm

CC 557: If Patriotism Was a Viral Disease by 100Faces 6-12-12

Mummy, can I stay home from school today? I'm not feeling so well. Mmh, yes. You're looking very proud with no reason. I think you've got Patriotism. Yes, and I've been singing the national anthem all night, too. I'll phone your school. You're staying home today. A-a-a-america! Bless you! Now go to bed before it gets worse!

cc557: 2/3's R.C.L.- Patriotism... don't get hung up on it. by bigworm 6-12-12

I wish there was something I could do for Uncle Sam. I need an outlet for my patriotism, but I'm just an underweight carpenter. Maybe if I gained a few pounds, grew a beard and hung out undercover in the middle east. If this isn't helpful to the cause, I don't know what would be.

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bigworm

cc557:You're In The Army Now! [Hup 1] by iconoclastic 6-14-12

I always wanted to be in the army, ever since I was a little kid. They said it would make a man out of me. I'm not sure, but something may have gone wrong.

cc557:You're In The Army Now! [Hup 2] by iconoclastic 6-14-12

Although it's not a requirement for enlisting in the army... ...you will benefit greatly from any pre-enlistment experience in anal sex... ...especially as a recipient.

cc557:You're In The Army Now! [Hup 3] by iconoclastic 6-14-12

The benefits of military life are really great. They're beyond your imagination. For instance... ...you can't imagine how bad your butt's gonna' hurt!

cc557:You're In The Army Now! [Hup 4] by iconoclastic 6-14-12

The army has changed over the years. Used to be, the phrase "Get down and gimme' 50" meant 'push-ups'. Now it means 'head-bobs'.

RCL no. 3025 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 6-14-12

While on vacation in D.C., Maura strolled by the White House because she is a true patriot who loves her country. But, just thinking who's currently occupying the Oval Office made her throw up! YAAAAAAAACK!! Of course, I can't get political in this comic or a certain someone who's name rhymes with "dingo" will get his panties in a wad. Turns out, it really was a dingo that killed that baby in Australia. YAAAAAAAACK!! Maybe, if you cross a human male with a wild dog from the Outback, you'd get a "man-dingo". But, I digress... U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! YAAAAAAAACK!!

Uncle Sam says "Don't be judgin' this thing today, 'cus I feel more recruits be comin' a little lata' on!"

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bigworm

cc557: JUS' SOME RECRUITERS DOIN' THEIR JOB... pt.1 by bigworm 6-16-12

Hey guys , I gotta' possible recruit comin' in right now. Get in the next room, turn out the lights and jus' listen. Tell me again about yer growin' up. Well, ma daddy schooled me with a hickory stick. That's how come my ma 'lil white bubble-rump got all dem pink stripes on it. You was tellin' me 'bout how shy you was havin' them marks on yer bottom, right? Uh huh, I'm real shy 'bout that, but you said you and the other recruiters was gonna' help me break through ma 'shy barrier', all gentle and whatnot. In the next room... WHOOP WHOOP!!! *jiggajigga* WHOOP WHOOP!!! *jiggajigga* "Our God who art in heaven... hallowed... hallowed... hallowed be they name..."

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bigworm

cc557: JUS' SOME RECRUITERS DOIN' THEIR JOB... pt.2 by bigworm 6-16-12

Tell me again 'bout yer colored maid that cared for ya'll most of the time. We called 'er Ms. Cumcum, 'cus she always said "Come... come." Then she would grab you up, right? Yeh, and she would push my face in between her big... uhhh well, she called 'em her "chocolate throat sucklers". Oh Lord! Now, as yer recruiter, I need to know if you suffer from 'moral turpitude'. So tell me, did you ever rub yer cock on her s... su... su... Can I still join the army if I did?

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bigworm

cc557: JUS' SOME RECRUITERS DOIN' THEIR JOB... pt.3 by bigworm 6-16-12

In the next room... at the recruiters. Oh shit!!! Fuckin' A he can join the army! Hell yeh! I ain't cum that hard since... well, since... Since he was talkin' 'bout them pink stripes on his ass!!! Ah ha ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA... Right on!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Whoa ho ho ho ho ho...

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bigworm

Australian army recruiting procedures

G'Day. You're in the army now mate.

by El_Phen, 6-16-12

It made me chuckle anyway.

RCL no. 3029 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 6-16-12

Damn, Phreaky! That's one thing the Chinks don't have that we do in America... And, that is? Women tits as big as yours! U.S.A!! U.S.A.!! U.S.A!! Actually, these are implants. Made in China. R.O.C!! R.O.C!! R.O.C!!

cc557:For sure Uncle Sam, that's what it's all about! by iconoclastic 6-17-12

What's up Uncle Sam? Did you ever think about operating some of the world's most sophisticated weapons systems? You mean like the kind that take out a whole bunch of guys all at once, from a mile away? Yup.Say, w hy don't you come down to the office, and we can talk about which branch interests you the most. You got an olive branch? Uh... no we don't, but that's a great idea... what with each olive bein' a bomb! Good thinkin'!

cc557: UNDERSTANDING MISGUIDED MISSLES by iconoclastic 6-17-12

I've come all the way from the Great U.S.ofA. to take home the body of an American Hero. I hear he's in a cave somewhere. Yes Mr. Sam, I can take you there. What? There's no body, just his guts on the wall? Yes Mr. Sam, but he died defending his unit, who all escaped to safety. Listen now, just between you and me, I came for a body in a bag, not to scrape no guts off a cave wall. Mrs. Sam wouldn't like that. Mission aborted. Back to the airport, chop chop!!! Chop chop?!! WTF? He don't know China's asshole from a cave in Afghanistan!

cc557: IT'S REALLY 'AUNT SAM'!!! by bigworm 6-17-12

I'll answer before you ask... yes, I am the real Uncle Sam! I'm sure this is taking the world by surprise. Why have you been in hiding for so long, and what prompted you to come out of the closet (so to speak)? I represent our presentation to the world of our military might. Military might is a subject closely connected to penis size.So... So a woman in Uncle Sam's position would represent a military with a small... actually 'sans penis', a force of nothing!!! I can and will smack the shit out of your disbelieving face with my gigantic clitoris, right from where I stand, capiche? Do you mind my asking exactly how long our military might is, and noting that a clitoris cannot stand at attention?

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bigworm

i'll be wearing a flag diaper when i judge this bad boy tomorrow so get your last minute entries balls deep by then

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what if nigger meant kite