So I'm sick. No really, I have some sort of massive sinus infection. Probably has something to do with sniffing too many butts at the RNC looking for the source of all the bullshit. At any rate, the only thing that is on my mind right now is getting well. And doctors. etc.

And since laughter is the best medicine, you my friends, must make a comic that involves doctors or the medical profession or being sick in some way. Or death or A day in the life of a gynocologist, whatever. You get the point. 

Judging will commence in about two weeks (roughly around the 16th.) Carpe scrotum!

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

RCL no. 3136 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-03-12

I have to thank you for seeing me on such short notice, but my 10-year high school reunion is next week... Ever since I saw your ad on Facebook, I've been wanting to try your cutting-edge, "stretch" therapy... Sure, I'm aware it can be painful, and my nipples might end up looking like undercooked spaghetti noodles, but it's worth it as long you make my tits bigger than Phreaky's! Shut up, turn around, and brace yourself.

Dentistry Can't Be That Difficult If Barbers Used To Do It by ZMannZilla 4-26-11

Aw man, this toothache is killing me! I wish I could afford a dentist. You could go see my guy. He's quick and not too expensive. Really? Does he do emergencies? Aw heck, you don't even need an appointment! I'll drive you, since you might be woozy afterwards. Do you take Blue Cross? Wi' a ten dolla' co-pay!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Ask A Cherokee Medicine Woman About Mistletoe by ZMannZilla 1-03-11

O Great Cherokee Medicine Woman, there's nobody else I can turn to. In your professional opinion, does mistletoe also cure soul cancer, or is it only just regular cancer? I ask you, Wise One, because you Cherokee medicine folk are in touch with life itself, and I'll be damned if those money-grubbing hospitals get a hold of my baby girl. Ah, yes, Silva... it's nice hearing from you after all these years... and while I weep for the tragedy of your offspring's cancer, I must first warn you... ...I've changed a bit since college.

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

RCD41: First!!! by ZMannZilla 10-13-10

Bless the Gods for the Peace Corps. You said it, buddy. Giving us this wonderful health care, when we need it the most. Totally. I've been needing to do something about this dry skin for ages. ...dry skin? I just had my arm hacked off by bandits during a food riot! I'm bleeding to death over here! Yeah, but I was here first.

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

CC564: MEDICAL MARVELS- 1st. visit [getting aquainted] by bigworm 9-04-12

I've been having... Shhh! Don't tell me! You can't keep anything down? Ha ha ha! Oh Dr. Fife, you're quite the cracker eh? That's what they say, you know. Oh fuck! Since when do they allow 'orange-faced crackers' to become doctors? *Ka-ching, ka-ching* Everyone laughs at all my stuff! Soon I'll be onstage doing stand-up!

---
bigworm

CC564: MEDICAL MARVELS- 2nd. visit [Dr./patient chat zooms] by bigworm 9-04-12

Dr., I'm still really depressed about being so underweight. Hey! Look on the bright side. It doesn't cost you anything to eat air! I dream about fucking dead women. I'm humpin' like a sonofabitch, but I can't find my dick! Cheer up! At least you're gettin' some, and who needs a dick anyway? And worse yet, I still yearn to be constipated! Well, it's not all it's backed up to be, but let's get rid of the sock anyway, and try a cork for a couple of weeks.

---
bigworm

And that's how Dracula got the Diabeetus

by HCRoyall, 6-04-11

Clueless: AIDS by HCRoyall 12-08-05

So I was about to score with this chick the other night, right? And she's really pushing me to use a condom, says she has AIDS. So I say, "What does safe sex have to do with kinky toys?"

Band-AIDs by HCRoyall 12-08-05

Whatcha doing? Doing some research on AIDs. I'm curious about the treatments and how close they are to a cure. Would it help if I said I was sorry?

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC 564 by HCRoyall 9-07-12

Good news! It was just your blood sugar dipping because of your diabetes, not a heart attack! I can't be diabetic! I'm Vegan! I never pay anything for my food! Eating out at restaurants is unhealthy! One, that's Freegan. Two, you're not supposed to eat the whole dumpster. Oh, and that foot's gotta come off.

CC 564 by HCRoyall 9-07-12

Well, your temperature's normal. But what about the five other thermometers up my ass? Fuck if I know. Call poison control if you start shitting mercury, I guess.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Some really good ones here. I almost ended the contest early because I found one that cracked me up so hard I shit my pants. Then someone posted another that make me giggle and pee. So now the show MUST go on! I will judge this bad boy next Sunday (the 16th.) Great work, people! Keep 'em coming!

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC564: An Average Woman's Day at the Doctor's Office. by iconoclastic 9-09-12

Are you sure you're the doctor? I'm here for a pelvic exam, and I don't see how it could be administered from over there. Please disrobe and lay on the exam table. I'll be with you in just a minute. This seems odd to me Dr. and I feel a little uneasy. It's okay. Everything is highly moral and ethical, and good too! It's simply... ...that I'm a little shy, and don't forget to spread your legs facing this direction.

If old comics are allowed, here are two.  If they aren't, just consider this a brief intermission.

Lab work by evil_d 3-25-09

Hi, Dr. Jones. I'm calling to get the results of my lab work? Oh yes, let's see here... it says that the tests were negative. What does that mean? It means that they didn't find anything. ...so I'm okay? What am I, a psychic?

Doctors, am I right? by evil_d 4-23-09

...so that's what a ureteroscopy entails. Now, shall we schedule your appointment? No, thank you. I think I'll go with the other option you mentioned. ...getting sick and dying? That's the one. That sounds much less unpleasant.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Possibly caused by a tumor? (Pray for me) by crabby 9-10-12

JEREMY! YOUR TEST RESULTS ARE IN! IT TURNS OUT IT'S GOOD NEWS, POLIO! YOU'RE GOING TO GET A REALITY SHOW! Dr. Bacon... Give it to me straight. Will my dick work? Billy, what if I told you that everything is part of something, but in the end nothing really matters? Are you trying to distract me from a broken dick with an existential crisis? I'm not going to lie to you Phillip. Your dick won't be great. LOL! Fuck you, Dr. Bacon!

RCL no. 3143 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-11-12

If, a woman gets breast implants, and pays for them using a finance plan... ...and the finance plan has a "balloon" payment at the end... (Wayne's mind tends to wander when there's a power failure at work.) ...would that not be considered both ironic and redundant?

Must......wait.......4 more days.....before......judging.....contest.......

(this message brought to you by the James T. Kirk School of Overacting. Please donate. Because a mind is a terrible thing.)

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC564: "Mr. Kain... the Dr. will see you now." pt.1 by bigworm 9-12-12

Dr., I've had a 'EUREKA' moment! I see now that I'm suffering from the 'Fallen Mind Syndrome'. Preposterous! It makes no sense! Which part of it? Just a minute, I'll 'google' it. 'Google' what!?? Jackasses having 'eureka' moments.

---
bigworm

CC564: "Mr. Kain... the Dr. will see you now." pt.2 by bigworm 9-12-12

Score one for the 'old man' Dr., very good! But what about my self-diagnoses of the 'Fallen Mind Syndrome'? What about it? Why don't you put that in your pipe and 'google' it? Will do. Eh? Jackasses are inherently unable to suffer from 'Fallen Mind Syndrome'.

---
bigworm

CC564: "Mr. Kain... the Dr. will see you now." pt.3 by bigworm 9-12-12

You're gettin' a little slow there Dr. I totally predicted you would say that. Duh!!! "Duh" what?!! A diagnoses of 'Fallen Mind Syndrome' pre-supposes that the mind of the sufferer was once in a loftier place... from whence it has fallen. Okay, I'm with ya'! Are you sure?

---
bigworm

Porkman & Finchy Are Wretched At Greco-Roman Mythology by ZMannZilla 3-25-12

Holy Cursewords Porkman! It stings when I pee! Do you suppose it has anything to do with that date I had with Medusa? OMIZEUS DID FINCHY SEAL THE DEAL?! Porkman hopes not for Medusa has the herpes! Yeah, I know, she told me, and said I'd get to have some if I slept with her.- but I still don't see them! The herpes virus is too small to see so Finchy does not make sense to Porkman! What? I thought herpes were those horrible screeching bird-woman creatures that eat the livers of men! AND WHY WOULD GIFT OF LIVER-EATING BIRD WOMANS BE ANY BETTER?!?!?!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

RCL no. 3146 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-14-12

So, what do YOU think of this comic contest? I think it's time to pull the plug on it... ...it has definitely flat-lined! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

The 16th is tomorrow. Judging shall happen on that day and not before and not after and stuff and things and get your last minute comics in and etc etc. Spoon.

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Special mention:

bigworm - cause flattery is a terrible thing to waste

evil_d - old comics are allowed and your two cracked me up

crabby - for "Fuck you, Dr. Bacon!"

but the one that cracked me up the most (and the winner) is HCRoyall for not one but TWO wonderful AIDS jokes... AH AH AH...

Take it away, HC.

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Wooo!

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.