An interview with American Pharoah by evil_d 6-19-15

So, American Pharoah, what was it like to win the Triple Crown? Well gosh, let me think... I suppose... ANSWER THE QUESTION! ANSWER IT FASTER!! ANSWER IT OR I'LL WHIP YOU!!! AaaaaaaaaaaaaaIt wasexcitingitssuchan honortobeinthe companyofhorseslike SecretariatandWar AdmiralIhopeIcanbe aninspirationtoyoung foalseverywhereIdlike tothankJesusfor givingmethestrength

Earlier this month, American Pharoah (sic) became the first horse in 37 years to win the Triple Crown.  In honor of that achievement, this comic contest is about horse racing, that noble sport that we're all very excited about for five minutes three times a year.

You can interpret the theme as broadly as you like.  Anything that remotely relates to equines travelling at faster than normal speeds is fair game.  Old comics are allowed.

The past two contests were judged on Thursdays and I see no reason to break that streak.  See you all on July 2nd.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC615: It's one of those "what if" things by brycekain 6-26-15

I see that you lost the race again. This is your third loss in a row and your owner says that you'll be retiring soon. What do you plan on doing after you retire? I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND! What if Disneyland really meant Glue Factory. You poor bastard.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

RCL no. 4776 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 6-27-15

Fuck. What's wrong, Cat? I bet all my money on American Pharoah to win. And, he did... What's the problem? I'm into my catnip dealer for $100,000 and now I have to give up a tenth of my winnings to pay him. Holy shit... Just how much in residuals did you make from those Meow Mix® commercials?

Eocene Park by kaufman 6-27-15

Welcome to Eocene Park! Here you will see real live creatures from 50 million years ago. Creatures like the eohippus, the forerunner of today's horse! An eohippus? WOW! What did you do? Get some of its DNA from fossilized mosquitoes and clone it and bring it to life? Don't be silly. That stuff only happens in fantasy movies. Oh. No, we accelerated it to within a few miles an hour of the speed of light, and thanks to relativity, 50 million years had elapsed by the time it got back to earth. Whatever. We have a lawyer with us. Can the eohippus eat him when he takes a dump?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Fuck. Ok, you win, Kaufman. That was too fuckin' funny.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC 615: Space Race by kaufman 6-28-15

This is a very exciting day. In just a few moments, the New Horizons spacecraft will send back the first close-up pictures from Pluto! Will you look at that! The strange, distant, unclassifiable member of our solar system and ... What's that down there? Can you zoom in please? It looks like ... a sign. ABOUT TIME YOU MADE IT HERE. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? --SECRETARIAT

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Horse Flies by four_legged_tripod 6-29-15

These humans are too fast for us. They keep killing us. We need to be faster. We could always cross breed with horses. Horse flies, Maggie? Horses are quick but they'd kill us in the mating process. Have you seen their giant dicks? Ummmm. Are you done already? Come on, Maggie. Your husband told you I was quick, didn't he?

 

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Horse Play by TheGovernor 6-29-15

So for 50 clams you'll get the full Scandinavian. I'll take you to the final furlong and leave you with Norwegian Wood if you know what I mean? Well I Say! Hey if that's not your thing then you can wear the saddle and I'll do the riding. Im a trojan horse baby, I'll be inside before you even know it. Ahhh yeah!!!! That's it, I demand to speak to Orson the manager Sir, the lewd language of your staff is intolerable Of course! What did you expect at Orson Borsen's Coarse Norse Hoarse Horse Whores Inn?

TheGovernor wrote:

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Horse Play by TheGovernor 6-29-15

So for 50 clams you'll get the full Scandinavian. I'll take you to the final furlong and leave you with Norwegian Wood if you know what I mean? Well I Say! Hey if that's not your thing then you can wear the saddle and I'll do the riding. Im a trojan horse baby, I'll be inside before you even know it. Ahhh yeah!!!! That's it, I demand to speak to Orson the manager Sir, the lewd language of your staff is intolerable Of course! What did you expect at Orson Borsen's Coarse Norse Hoarse Horse Whores Inn?

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Okay, judging time.  Thanks for entering, everybody.

Runner-up is kaufman, for "Eocene Park".  I haven't seen Jurassic World so I don't really get the reference; I'm just taking brycekain's word that it's hilarious.  I also liked "Space Race".

The winner by a head (that's something they say in horce racing, right?) is TheGovernor for "Horse Play", which I won't re-post because it's already in the last two posts.  Great concept & execution.

TheGovernor can look forward to earning extravagant stud fees from people who hope he'll produce future Comic Contest winners, while the rest of us can look forward to the theme he thinks up for CC616.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

evil_d

Congrats, Gov.

evil_d  

Neither have I. I'm just a big science nerd.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Thanken ye very much. 

Will post a new contest soon.