All of the best jokes are about people walking into bars.  Well, some of the best jokes are about people walking into bars.  Well, some jokes are about people walking into bars.

For this contest, please make a comic about people walking into a bar.  Actually, they don't have to be people, and they don't have to be walking.  Please make a comic about beings entering a bar.

Enter as often as you like.  Old comics are acceptable.  Judging will take place on Wednesday, March 9th.  The winner hosts the next comic contest.  Offer not valid in Puerto Rico or the US Virgin Islands.  Okay, it is.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC637: What If Joke Meant Martini? by Beeko180 3-02-16

What can I get you? I just walked in here. Place is great. Can I get a dry joke please?

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

A Baby Seal Walks into a Club

by four_legged_tripod, 3-02-16

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

an aardvark walks into a bar, arbitrarily cc637 v2 by arbi 3-02-16

an hour down the road i have to decide whether to drive straight thru town, or stop into the lucky horseshoe, a strip club at halstead and belmont in boystown is the bar tender here? i go in about once a year hoping the guys will look like this, but usually they look more like this

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woof

My neighborhood bar is going to the dogs.

CC637 Pt. 1 by Porternotes 3-03-16

Kind of a nice place... Woah! You're a dog! What gave it away, Einstein? I just didn't know they let dogs in here. Fuck, yeah! I was humpin' your mama's leg in the champagne room just last night.

 

CC637 Pt. 2 by Porternotes 3-03-16

Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. It's ok. I'm used to the whole segregation thing. I guess I'm kinda edgy too. Let's just have a drink and shake on it. Ok, sounds good. I just... what the HELL?! Gimmie Paw! Gimmie Paw! You speciesist motherfucker...

CC637 Pt. 3 by Porternotes 3-03-16

Ok, ok. I'm just joking around. Dog lives matter, dick! I get you, really. I'm just kidding. I'll get you that drink, what do you want? Alright, but I don't really appreciate your humor. Buy me a beer, I'm a heineken dog. Bottle or can? Or in a bowl on the floor? That does it!

CC637 Pt. 4 by Porternotes 3-03-16

Woah woah woah... Down, boy! Down, boy! ...and who are you calling "BOY"? Hey you two! Get out of my bar before I call the cops! How was your night out, Honey? I found out why they call the human leg bone the humerus. As soon as you remove it, they're not so funny anymore.

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https://www.porternotes.com

Groovy! - A horse walks into a bar (the outtakes) by edoggydog 3-03-16

A horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says: Why the long nose? CUT!!!

Groovy! - MORE Outtakes by edoggydog 3-03-16

A horse walks into a bar... ...and the local bar dwarf says: Why the long dick? LOUDER!!

Groovy! - Armless Anders walks into a bar... by edoggydog 3-03-16

Armless Anders walks into a bar... ...and the local barfly says: You look like you could use a hand! PRINT!!

Groovy! - More Cow Balls by edoggydog 3-03-16

A cow walks into a steakhouse restaurant... ...and the matre d' says: I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here. I like it, but I doubt too many people will get it!

Groovy! - Chen walks into a bar...LITERALLY by edoggydog 3-04-16

Sure, I'll tell you what happened to me... Groovy! Last night, I walked into a bar. And, you got into a bar fight? I thought you didn't drink. "Not that kind of bar, idiot!" Ow! Ow! Ow! You okay, mister?

CC637: Don't you drink anything while reading this by brycekain 3-05-16

Two jews walk into a bar. iiiiieeee!!! Ok, who the hell dipped pig tampons in my Bloody Mary??

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC637: Oh geez, another Saturday Morning Special? by brycekain 3-05-16

Dude, you're an alcoholic. Why are you in a bar? It's cool, man. I got a medical marijuana card. Oh, man. I dunnow... isn't that just trading in one crutch for another? Hypothetical scenario: Black guy gets drunk and beats the crap out of white dude for being a condescending asshole. Hypothetical Scenario #2: Black guy gets high and laughs and laughs...... ...are you going to hurt me? Only if you're not gay.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Guy Walks Into A Mom Joke by Neo11 3-05-16

I'll take a Not Your Father's Root Beer If it's not my father's, then whose is it? I don't know, how about your mother's? Hahahaha What was that you son of a bitch? 10 Seconds Later Miller Lite please That's what I thought

CC535: And The Worst Part Is, None Of Them Left A Tip by ZMannZilla 5-24-13

"After 20 years of bartending, it finally happened..." Well, lads, I had fun catching up with you, but I have to get back to the cathedral! Yeah, I gotta head back to the chapel myself - always a pleasure! Oy, I'm a bit too fershnickered to drive - can someone drop me off at the synagogue? "...and it was a total let-down." That... that wasn't funny at all!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

let's give this a go second comic in over 5 years

CC637: It's all the same by dyaot 3-07-16

what brings you to the bar tonight pete? same as last week darrel my wife kicked my out for not being manly enough again eh? you can do so much better then that white trash why does darrel keep talking to that tranny every saturday night now? fake pussys still pussy bud

Judging time, then.

Thanks for participating, everyone.  I feel like there were a few entries that were about even at the top of the pack, any of which would be a worthy winner, but of course I can only choose one.

Honorable mentions, therefore, go to four_legged_tripod for his uniquely SC take on an old joke, and to Porternotes for his series, especially the "humerus" punchline.

But the win goes to arbi:

an aardvark walks into a bar, arbitrarily cc637 v2 by arbi 3-02-16

an hour down the road i have to decide whether to drive straight thru town, or stop into the lucky horseshoe, a strip club at halstead and belmont in boystown is the bar tender here? i go in about once a year hoping the guys will look like this, but usually they look more like this

I won't lie, this is partly because arbi hardly ever enters comic contests, and I'm dying to see what he comes up with when he runs one.  I'm also pretty tickled that gabe_kovacs is on the desirable list.

Take it away, arbi!

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!