OK, here's your friggin' rules. Get'm while they're hot...

1. Use any character, background, prop, etc.

2. Include a reference to a Monty Python character, skit, or member. I will also accept a Monty Python-like theme if you don't want to use a specific character or sketch. If you don't know anything about Monty Python, then you are a sorry-ass loser and have no chance in this contest. So sad, buh-bye.

3. Gabe Billings will not be the winner of the contest, no matter how funny his comic is. I don't know exactly why this is a rule of this contest. It just is. Sorry, Gabe. I must obey the voices.

This contest will end Sunday (4/8) night at midnight EDT...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Comic Contest XX: The Larch... by wirthling 4-06-01

Right! We here at Lowpass would like to apologize for the very poor quality of the Comic Contest XX rules. We also would like to apologize for the poor quality of this particular comic strip. I would like to apologize for the other clown's apology. Clearly, he cannot know the quality of this comic strip until it has been completed. Please disregard his apology, the poor loony bastard. I would like to apologize for the preceding panel. Obviously, there was a rather appalling lack of humor in it. And now for your entertainment, I will fart Beethoven's 9th symphony... STOP! Stop this comic strip! This is getting entirely too silly!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Unfair by gabe_billings 4-06-01

[beep!] Rules: Gabe cannot win. Wirthling... You cockmonkey! Man was not meant to play god! Can you believe that crap? Well hey, if you're not gonna win, you might as well have fun with it. Damn it, Obi, I take back all those bad things I said about you. You're allright. Do it up, G.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I thought this would be a good time to post some older comics I thought people might find amusing...

Comic Contest #6 - Wirthling Sucks Big Time by gabe_billings 2-21-01

Well, wirthling poll results are in. Lowpass readers think he sucks more than cauliflower, Wayne Newton and cholera. 34 percent of readers think stoning is too good for him, and 83 percent would like to see him ravaged by woodchucks. Somebody even wants to see him sodomized by a donkey. That one kinda came out of left field. Guilty.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

One Good Turn Deserves Another by gabe_billings 2-21-01

Boy, that wirthling sure is a dickless, smelly, turd-eating felchmaster. You can only enter the contest once, you know. This entry doesn't count. I know.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Wirthling, Master of His Domain by gabe_billings 2-22-01

Man, not only does wirthling suck, he's late too. Here it is 11:20 and still no votes. He's probably busy jacking off to a Victoria's Secret catalog he stole from his neighbor's mail slot. You know what we should do? Go over to his house and 'help him along' with his votes. By 'help him along' I assume you mean beat him with baseball bats? Of course. Let's go then.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Wirthling Sucks, Volume MCXXIV by gabe_billings 3-17-01

Wirthling really sucks. I hear you, man. No, I'm serious. He's a real asswipe. A goatfucker of the highest order. A turd-sniffing felchmonkey. I get it, I get it. Wirthling blows. He watches Dawson's Creek and reads Family Circus. Let's lynch him tonight.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Is the Dis Wirthling Contest Over Yet? by gabe_billings 3-22-01

I got a riddle for you. How man wirthlings does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I give up. How many? Who gives a shit? Wirthling's a big penis, and no one likes him but his mom. And even she has her doubts. That's a pretty stupid riddle. I'm a pretty stupid person. What's your point? Nothing, really.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive by gabe_billings 3-23-01

This plan is perfect. Wirthling will never know what hit him. You sure it'll work? Of course. Once he falls through the trapdoor, the lemmings pour out of this chute. When they're finished the walls will start to move in. Ha ha! Into the garbage chute, flyboy! But why are we using Ricky Martin as bait? Two words, my friend. Repressed homosexuality. Tell me... Were you born this stupid or did you have to work at it?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Flattery will get you nowhere. Except into my pants, that is...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Eewww.... that's the last place I'd wanna be.

And Now for Something Completely Different by gabe_billings 4-06-01

I would like to register a complaint about this donkey which I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutiqe. What's wrong with him, then? He's gay, that's what's wrong with him. He's not gay, he's just pining for the fjiords. He fucked my dog. Hmm.... maybe you've got something with this 'gay' thing.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Comic Contest rules update:

If the Monty Python thing is too difficult, I will also accept "why wirthling sucks" as an alternate theme. I would still prefer the Monty Python theme, but I will consider "wirthling sucks" entries. Also, you can submit multiple "wirthling sucks" entries if you want.

Gabe is still gonna lose, though.

Ah, to be a god...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Withling Still Sucks by gabe_billings 4-06-01

We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go live in a lake. You were lucky to have a lake. There were 150 of us living in shoebox in middle of road. Cardboard box? Aye. You were lucky.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I Hate Wirthling More Than Mondays by gabe_billings 4-06-01

That wirthling sure is a smelly bunt. A what? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't say the letter 'b'. It's all due to a trauma I suffered when I was a schoolboy. I was attacked by a bat. A cat? No, a bat. I see.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Wirthling Felches Apes by gabe_billings 4-06-01

Did you see the news today? Apparently wirthling's had an asshole transplant. Really? Yes. Oh wait, there's a stop press.... What's it say? Apparently the asshole's rejected him!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think we should all hold off from submitting entries. Then wirthling will only have 2 choices:

a.) Choose one of gabe's entries, or

b.) Choose his own entry.

If a.) occurs, wirthling will surely shit himself with anger.

If b.) happens, wirthling will have to judge another contest, which he so enjoys.

It's foolproof! Stay strong men, no one cross the picket line.

(Taintwrangler, eh?)

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Wirthling gets inquisitated (or whatever the verb form is) by DexX 4-07-01

wirthling's house, about now... ObiJo: If we don't post any entries to wirthling's competition, he will either have to judge Gabe the winner, or himself... Oh, what the hell...? ...the first option will piss him off, and the second option will force him to run another competition! Oh for God's sake, I was in a rush to post some rules. I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition... DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!! Noooo-one expects the- Oh, sorry.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

A trumpet and a hooker are in a bar. The trumpet walks up to the hooker and says blow me.

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ObiJo and a donkey are in a bar. ObiJo walks up to the donkey and says ________ __.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Man, the whole world is against me. First fishoutofbeer misses my entry and disqualifies me from the previous contest, and now wirthling the anti-christ has decided to ban me from this one. I'm sure at the root of all this is some dastardly plot to steal all of our socks. That just the kind of twisted idea that sick puppy would come up with.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Contest XX: Play with a Python by NeoVid 4-07-01

I know exactly what the gag in this comic should be... Give me a minute... Dammit. The props list doesn't have a Giant Foot To Squash Things. It landed on that Knight Who Says "neep" over there...

Sadly, it wasn't until after the comic was complete that it was discovered that the Knight Who Says "neep" was really wirthling.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

That was ONE time. It was college. I was experimenting.

I made this comic before the contest. So I'm not selling out. I'm not. Really. Oh, well, buggers. I knew I'd be the weakest link:

That's Okay by ObiJo 4-05-01

I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays...Thursdays...Umm, hey, when's shopping day? Ahhh, who cares? The butter scones and tea just got here!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Comic Contest XX: Searching for the Holy Grail..of comedy by BigEvilDan 4-07-01

So you won't let me win, wirthling? Well, you mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Look, just because my dad was an elderberry addicted rodent-sex machine, that's no reason to act like a spoiled child. Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. ObiJo, fetchez la vache! Fetchez la...uh oh! Run away!! Just once I'd like a conversation with gabe that didn't end up involving hurling cattle.

It's got Python and a commentary of wirthling ass-suckiness, so there.

And Obi, I'm sorry, but I couldn't run the risk of wirthling winning again. My hamster would never forgive me.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

I am still in denial that I am phenominally bad at these contests. Nor am I boycotting because Wirthling is playing God. *I* want to play God, too!

Comic Contest XX: All My Friends Are like This. Sad. by Scyess 4-07-01

"I fart in your general direction!" **snigger** "'I just PAID you for an argument!' 'No you didn't!'" (hehe) "Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam eggs and spam." Haha! "I... like Chinese!" **chuckle** I guess this is better than the guy who made me play "Star Wars Trivial Persuit." I have GOT to stop accepting dates from computer scientists. "'Yer arm's off!' 'No it isn't!'" Har har! "Always look on the bright side of life!" **grin** "I'm a lunberjack and I'm okay..."

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"Old" is the old new.

The Rock by gabe_billings 4-08-01

DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'? --sniff, sniff-- Vichysoisse?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Wait a minute. No, you're right, I said you couldn't follow the rules which was untrue. I guess I just liked some other comics better. Sue me.

BTW--your latest berate wirthling comics have left me in stitches. Although I believe wirthling will make true on his promise to vote you the loser.