Thank goodness I finally entered a low-participation comic contest so I could win. 8)

Okay, so now I have to make up rules, right? How about five rules.

1) For this contest, the comic has to have two panels which have the same background and use the same characters. The characters don't have to be in the same pose... e.g. if you use Maura1-2 in one you can use Maura4-1 in the other; but they do have to be in the same position, as in left/right of the panel. The other panel has to have a different background and different characters. I'll post some examples from my back files in the next post.

2) Somewhere in the comic you have to mention a color and use a non-English word.

3) No one is allowed to mention the name of other LowPass strippers in your comic entry. I don't dig on inside jokes... especially since I don't get them.

4) Gabe Billings CAN win this contest, but only if he follows the rules and is funnier than everyone else.

5) Entrants have to withdraw from their current religion and worship me as their one and only true god.

Judging will be done whenever I feel like it, which will probably be sometime Thursday (4/12).

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"Old" is the old new.

Here are some examples of possible entries for the contest, except that they don't mention a color or foreign word. But this is what I mean by two panels using the same characters & background and the remaining one using another.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=5333

A bad call by Jon by Scyess 2-23-01

What's the matter, punk? You talk big but you don't show me what you've got! HIYA! I'm judging my distance and examining your kata for weak points. No you're not, you jerk! You're watching me kick at you to catch glimpses of my underwear! Uhhhhh... Wow! It's not often we get a human kicked here all the way from Earth! I've had dates that ended worse. Now help scrape me up, will you?

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=9260

Misconception by Scyess 3-08-01

Hi, Tataki! It's me, Jon! I'm an elephant now! What the... It should wear off in a few days, but I figure as long as I weigh over three tons I can ask you out without getting the crap beaten out of me. Grrrr... In other news, an elephant was seen today roaming downtown with its trunk mysteriously rammed up its ass. That's it. Pack your bags, Martha. This town is just too wierd for me.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=10830

Comic Contest XVI: This is Fiction. I Swear! by Scyess 3-26-01

Hi, honey. What's up? You know the vegetable garden you've toiled to grow in the back yard for the last 10 years? I had it ripped out and replaced with the biggest, ugliest lawn ornament I could find. This had better be his subtile way of telling me he wants a divorce. Of course, all this really is is my subtle way of telling you I want a divorce!

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"Old" is the old new.

For some reason which is beyond me, that seems to have posted three of the same comic. ;P Just follow the URLs above the comics if you still don't get the rules and want more examples.

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"Old" is the old new.

Comics Contest XXI: As ruled, no direct mention of Wirthling by boorite 4-09-01

Leçon 1. Un voyage au zoo. Répétez. S'il vous plaît felchez le babouin, celui avec l'âne rouge. See voo play-- wait a damn minute. Fel-chay? Are you telling me to "felch the red-assed baboon?" Oui. Commençons. I mean-- mais non! C'est un peek-oop line pour les HOT BABES. Awesome! Paris, here I come! Felchay-voo la baboon avec lane rouge? Sa prononciation est horrible!

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What others say about boorite!

Contest XXI-- My allegiance to the Lord Host of Parasites by fishoutofbeer 4-09-01

This week on: The Earth is tilted Gab, gab, gab that's all I hear. What a wirthless group of boors. I just hope I'm not confused for a piggy. A Xenocide is afoot, ya know! Don't be blue my little Johnny come lately. The Force will give you the dexterity to avoid extinction. Don't placate me. This is big evil, dammit. I'm in deep kempshe! Hey, nice Scythe. I need a drink.

The devil is in the details.

Just a reminder: the panel with the different background/characters doesn't have to be the third... it can be the first or second.

Judging this is going to be a bitch; now I wish I spoke more languages...

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"Old" is the old new.

When Johnny updated the message boards, he made them so you could only post a single comic at a time. If you try to do more than one (like you did), they all default to the first comic.

Such is life.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

This one came to me in an entire 2 seconds of thought.

Comic Contest XXI: Highbrow punchline by NeoVid 4-09-01

We've been trying our best to follow the rules, and we still don't come close to winning... Yeah, these contests are too damn hard... Think we should break the rules for a cheap laugh? Nah. Don't want to end up like that guy... I told you you can't win unless you bow down and worship me! The pain... she gave me blue cojones...

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Actually, rule #5 isn't really a RULE per se... it's more of a guideline for healthy living and spiritual well-being.

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"Old" is the old new.

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=11687

Comic Contest XXI - Move over Attenborough... by DexX 4-09-01

Let's see what's on TV... *click* *kssht!* -rengeti Plain, in the shadow of Mount Kilimanjaro. Here we see a confrontation between an ostrich and an elephant. Yo, grey wrinkled BITCH! Yo goan step outta ma way or get ready ta par-lay-voo sum whupass! Yo gotta big mout fuh such a scrawny li'l blue piece'a gutta trash! Ya'll gonna taste summa ma big grey kung fu, now, bitch! They never should have let Jerry Springer start hosting wildlife documentaries... Next up - "I'm Leaving You Because Your Plumage Is Too Dull". Right after these messages...

A little lean on the foreign words, but I figure "Kilimanjaro", "kung fu", and a mangled attempt at "parlez vous" are enough to qualify me. Plus, I managed not one but two colours. :)

My apologies for the overdone Springer reference, but I liked the idea and figured it was different enough from the usual ones...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

As far as I know, Gabe is the only stripper here at Low Pass. Or at least he was a stripper until that unfortunate incident when his penile implant exploded during a lap dance, severely injuring the Archbishop of Cleveland...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CCXXI - L'homosexualité latente trouve une voie de se montr by ObiJo 4-09-01

Train station...train station...where's train station? This Translation Sheet is terrible! Oh, maybe this will work: Veuillez violer mon bout tendre avec un hareng rouge. Sûr, pourquoi pas? J'ai une demi-heure avant que j'obtienne les gosses. Stay with us! Forget the plot! Yes, forget the third panel and stay with us in forests of azure. Well, that was obviously, "Please manrape me with a red herring." Let's try this: Cette fois, marques il plus dur et plus profond, docteur d'amour. Why do I think in English?

This is either comedic genius or not. And that's just another example of me taking the hard stance on an issue. So please vote me your Federal Cow Tipper.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I prayed for divine guidance from our lord and savior Scyess, and this is what His Righteous Spirit, or perhaps sleep deprivation, hath wrought:

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=11703

Comic Contest XXI: Just what the world needs... by wirthling 4-10-01

How's your SimBot project coming along, Doc? I just loaded the artificial intelligence software into the prototype models. Behold! ...still, I cannot conceive of an auteur with a more robust command of mise-en-scène than Pasolini. The post-modern lexicon owes a debt to his genius. Yes, yes, yes! His skill at realizing the cultural subtext of the mid-century european zeitgiest through visual metaphor was truly prodigious... I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want to own one of these things. Really? Is the gray too drab? I could make them red...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Comic Contest XXI: Rules? Who needs 'em? by BigEvilDan 4-10-01

That yellow-bellied NeoVid is to afraid to break the rules. Qué pensamiento.

That last phrase was what Babelfish gave me when it converted "What a pansy." to Spanish, but when I translated back, I got "What thought". So I have no idea what it actually means.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

quote:

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That last phrase was what Babelfish gave me when it converted "What a pansy." to Spanish, but when I translated back, I got "What thought". So I have no idea what it actually means.

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HAW!

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

God I need a life.

French to English on Babelfish by ObiJo 4-10-01

I'm store! I'm store! What? I was made store by the us or dancers! Come again? My chair is burning! Help me plot! Silly foreigner.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

This age a competition one in such a way more less of the one than lame. Now that we all in convert them the adoração of Scyess, us we can start a church and be free of the taxes! Same E that I cannot say the German, I have an idea joust of that Penisvacumpumpe is.

ObiJo, " violate red mine butt soft with one herring " is full a rollback of the phrase, but " harder and deeper " this extra mile is going really.

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What others say about boorite!

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=11974

Comic Contest XXI: Monsieur l'agent, c'est une insulte. by evil_d 4-11-01

"Is this the way to Red Square?" ... "La Place rouge, c'est par ici?" ... Man, this trip to France will be great. Damn right it will. "I understand your language perfectly." ... "Je parle français comme une vache espagnole." France. Bonjour, mademoiselle! Vous êtes très jolie, pour une étrangère! Ton pif, tu l'as de naissance? Je t'aime, veux-tu m'épouser? Je referai volontiers connaissance quand vous serez à jeun! Je pense pas que l'impuissance empêche de prendre du bon temps, n'est-ce pas? Quel baboon.

Some people use Babelfish, I use The Zompist Phrasebook.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I didn't expect I'd have to be judging a bunch of polyglots. ;P And to think I wasted all my time studying non-Romance languages.

I think it's an unofficial tradition here to spew a blurb about each comic that was entered, so here it goes.

boorite: You seem to have gotten the most quotability points. 8) I wonder how many baboons world wide have been felched by LowPass regulars since you posted that comic.

descolada99b: When I translated the German to English it didn't help much in my understanding the comic, although it did yeild the phrase, "This hope does not jsut I of somebody private turns these gust lakes colour of the Gruens." There should be a prize just for that.

fishoutofbeer: That was a very creative way to wave rule #3 back in my face. I thought it was a clever play on words and an amusing comic in general. You lose.

NeoVid: I like this comic. I like any comic where I'm worshiped... even if I do have to blue some cajones.

DexX: I've never seen Springer done in an African setting before. That's probably what it would be like, though.

ObiJo: The translation of the first pannel in Babbelfish was "Please violate my tender end..." much more amusing than "manrape." 8)

wirthling: You've played upon my weakness: comedic pedanticism. I thought that one was bloody hilarious.

Big Evil Dan: In an attempt to prove to the world the "default" thing hasn't been overdone, I think you proved the opposite. No matter. At least you were the only one to use Spanish.

bunnerabb: I will go to my grave wondering what "Are you stupidly deaf, or? Hands on your heading!" means.

evil_d: "Do your conk, you have it birth?" I love Babbelfish. The great thing is it actually translated something into "conk."

Well, it was hard to judge this one. The finalists were NeoVid, DexX, and wirthling. I'm tempted to make you all do Comic Contest XXII together. But I won't do that. Instead I'll choose, um...

WIRTHLING

In the end, the pedanticism got to me; I couldn't resist. Thanks for playing, y'all.

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"Old" is the old new.

Allow me to translate my lame ass, non-l337 comic:

[French] "Nice shirt. Wanna fuck?"
[German] "What do you mean by that? Are you insulting me?"
[German] (After the horrible beating and the cops arrive) "Are you stupid, or deaf? Hands on your head!"

So....

Do I win now?

wirthling wins a lot, man. Really. He wont mind.

Ah, bugger.

Love,

bunner

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

quote:

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wirthling: You've played upon my weakness: comedic pedanticism. I thought that one was bloody hilarious.

In the end, the pedanticism got to me; I couldn't resist. Thanks for playing, y'all.

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Damn you, Scyess. That's the last time I pick you as a winner....

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

It makes me want to choke when I say it, but everyone is on the money. Wirthling's comic was pretty fucking amusing. I, of course, was responsible for his winning since I chose to opt out of this contest (i.e. I thought the judging would happen later on and I missed the deadline.)

Had I entered, my comic would have been so funny most of you probably would have died laughing. Or at the very least shit yourself. So you all owe me the cost of a pair of pants. Except for ObiJo, who was probably reading the comics naked again. Or wearing his wife's underwear.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.