"I saw what your handbag was made out of you BITCH!"

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

"No..No..I'm not a salesman, I'm just an angry aliggator come to eat your children!"
"Alright, come it. but if you try to sell me anything I'm calling the police!"

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Batman created by Bob Kane

"Damn, Anna Nicole Smith gives out her adress and here's me with no oposable thumbs."

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Batman created by Bob Kane

(to get the door open)

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Batman created by Bob Kane

-- "Harold, I said I wanted to live in a gated community!"

-- Billy's first Halloween after moving to Louisiana was also his last.

-- A little-known aspect of the new "homeland security" initiative.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

"Scientists are still unsure why suburban alligators sometimes attempt to mate with doors."

"ADT? OH SHIT!"

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

"Hi, I'm from Jehovah's Witnesses..."

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

"Quick, let me in! They're a bunch of fucking animals out here!"

Falsetto voice "Avon calling."

"Alligator Who-oo?"

"Spring 95. Me. You. Toilet. Flush. PAYBACK MOTHERFUCKER!"

Real Estate Agent talking - "No, I wouldn't say there's a RAT problem."

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

They said this was a "French" door.

If you come home drunk again I'll not let you in...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

"Uh ... candygram!"

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

"Hey in there! Got any more of them pit bulls?"

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What others say about boorite!

...and in other news, the bitter divorce between Lyle Lyle Crocodile and his wife, actress Kari Wuhrer, turned even uglier this week, as Lyle Lyle attempted to break into the mansion he once shared with Ms. Wuhrer. The actress, who was enjoying a romantic evening with new beau John Cusack when the incident occurred, has since sworn out a restraining order against the children's book star which prevents him from coming within 500 feet of her or their home. Lyle Lyle Crocodile's lawyer and fellow reptile, Robert Shapiro, said Lyle was simply distraught and attempting to work things out, and did not intend to "devour that fuck Cusack and shit him out all over the Everglades." The trial is set for next month.

Amy Lou, the pizza girl, had a special friend to deal with non-tipping customers.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

"I can HEAR you in there! I saw your shoes! I saw your purse! Get the hell out here and explain to my kids why you're wearing their father!"

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

That was FarSide-esque I believe. Very funny Kauffy.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Hi, I'm Mindy from Girl Scout Troop 2112. This is my animal friend Killer. I know you'd like to buy some nummy Girl Scout cookies today! How many cases can I put you down for?

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-- If you call me insane again, I will eat your other eye. /usr/bin/w00t

Voice from inside:

"They're in your grocer's freezer!!!"

Sorry, bad commercial humour.

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I has a flavor!

*DING DONG*
"Hello?"
"Avon calling."
"Uh, I don't think that's safe."
"Um, candygram!"
"What? Candygrams don't exists anymore!"
"Um, Publisher's Clearing House."
"Stop lying to me!"
"Uh...Domino's Pizza"
"Mmm, pizza...aaaaaaaaaaah!"
(ya know, in loo of SNL...)

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L to E to the A to the H

Best picture for this Forum EVER.

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

You impress too easily.

The lubriderm ads are getting more and more violent every year.

This is true, which is proven easily by the fact that I read kaufman's comics daily. :)

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

This security footage shows the latest in a growing trend of animal burglaries. This follows our earlier story of Gerry "The Ladder" Giraffe who helped a gang of chimpanzees steal from second and thrird story appartments across the south-west. The gang are still at large

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Scratch and sniff porn isn't as good as I'd hoped