So I have to re-write this again. I am sticking by my old school CC rules.

1. The comic must end with a character saying "I'm on that like..." and the rest be something like "...a fat man on pies!" or "...stink on shit." You get the idea. Originality = good. How you want to lead up to that is your choice.
2. Only one entry, one comic per person. No series or that stuff. I always thought this forced people to try and be funnier instead of a shotgun blast of unfunny with a slight hope for one pellet of funny.
3. Judging will be Tuesday noonish, Central (Chicago) time.

Get to it kids. I want teh funni.

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"Fascist Clay was my most favorite totalitarian boxer!" - Indie Rock Pete from Diesel Sweeties

CC192: Waiting for the groans from the peanut gallery... by UnknownEric 6-12-03

Stephen! I just found out that Myhand Enterprises is about to attempt a hostile takeover of Myjohnson Corp! No kidding, Mr. Stankovich? What I need you to do is find out as much about Myjohnson as possible. I want you to get close, study it in depth, and do what needs to be done! Do you think you can handle that? I'm on that like Myhand on Myjohnson!

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I has a flavor!

*groan*

CC192: These bombs are not mine. Get me a lawyer. by KungChiFu 6-12-03

Camp Xray... Gitmo, Cuba... All right, what's your story? My name is Mohammed al Jahazin el. Says here you are a Saudi citizen and were captured in Afghanistan working at Taliban HQ. I was just returning a bomb I found strapped to my body. It wasn't mine! I want to see a lawyer. You want a lawyer?? Yeah, that'll happen. I'll get right on that, like a vegetarian with a meat milkshake.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

I got nuthin'

CC: 192 - Like a fat man on pies by CrunchyCheese 6-12-03

One Day at Worldcom We're getting Audited! I need you to shred all the financials But isn't that illegal? Or at the very least unethical Do it or you're out of a job Sounds like I am out of a job anyway Do it and I'll give you 50,000 shares of stock Hey now you're talking. I'm on it like Anna Nicole on a donut truck

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

The Confederacy of Thieves by crabby 6-12-03

Ok look! I'm the new age Robin Hood. I've got the bow. I steal from the rich and give to the poor. I'm the new age Robin Hood I've got the beer and a green cap. I eat the rich and spit on the poor. WHAT THE FUCK! That's not even Robin Hood related. That's because I'm new age. The old idea of Robin Hood is old. The newer Robin Hood is drunker and more in your face. You need to get newer. I'm on that like Friar Tuck on a buffet!

Here is my entry, also known as the Other Ultimate Answer To Life, The Universe, And Everything.

CC 192: Another Mad Doctor Joke by codehappykid 6-12-03

Dr. Plastered, can you really make women like me? But why, Johnny? There already are! NO! That's not what I meant. Oh, I see... Don't worry! I'm on that like Richard Simmons on crack! Yes. Yes you are.

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HALPUU!

We can work it out by Spankling 6-12-03

Okay girly, I got 15 minutes and I want my money's worth! If I don't blow my wad on yer face before I have to go you don't get paid. Got that? Actually I have a little surprise for you... I got a lead pipe, I'm 1/2 a head bigger than you and you're old and fat. I suggest you hand over your wallet before I cave in your pate. Uhm... would it help if I mentioned that my cum tastes like creme de mint I'm on it like the smell of death on Dubya, grandpa!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Family Values by choadwarrior 6-12-03

What are you doing? I'm putting your sister's face and mine on some hardcore porn I downloaded. Dude! That is so wrong! Haaa! It totally looks like I jizzed all over her. Please tell me you aren't going to jerk off to this later. I'm on that like the mustache on your mom.

CC 192: Could actually happen by attitudechicka 6-13-03

Gia, we got invited to the ultimate caver challenge! That's great, Mom, but how does that affect me? Well, since they're not allowing pets, we need you to feed the dog. Probably wouldn't hurt to give her a bath either. So you'll do it? I'm on that like punkrockskaboy's lips on brad's ass.

To add to my cc-winning worthiness, I have a great idea for a cc that I'd like to do.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Good Stuff by yellowdart 6-13-03

Dear God I must be hallucinating!! Yes you are Where the fuck did you come from? nodicks Try this shit man its some good stuff. I'm on that like tits on Dolly Parton.

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I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough.

CC by boinky33 6-14-03

I found a new life-form! No kidding? Yeah, they live in the wood chipper. Put your head in to see. I'm on to you like boinky33 on a dead horse!

CC 192: Professional Writing Guy by BigEvilDan 6-14-03

I've read your pitch for Death Monkeys. Do you think it would make a great movie? You've got no sense for narritive structure or any writing skills at all. The plot is ignored in favour of tits and fight scenes. So you didn't like it? Are you kidding? It'll make millions. I want the script on my desk by Thursday. I'm on it like a simile on... um... some sort of simile holder.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 192: Capital Punishment by kaufman 6-14-03

You've been doing good work here at the dry cleaners Washingtons of clothes. You're the Ankara our team. If you Canberra thought, I'm Praguetically Dublin your salary. I'm Madridiculously happy, Boss; I'm Minsk seventh heaven. I'll call my girlfriend and Caracas open a bottle of champagne. What Tokyo so Long Sara? Jevonly arrived Seoul late. When I gOttawait, I start to Riyadh, and now I don't want to give my Bucharest. Sorry I had Tehran late. Let's go, you promised to have dinner with me at the New Delhi, then watch the Full Montevideo with me. There's a Paris strippers in it I can't wait to see. Hey, Katmandu something! Everyone in this Khartoum is naming capital cities Addis Ababaminable pace. I'm Berlin mad at this Hanoiance! All right, all right. Amman it like Kabul on Oslo enough to gather Moscow.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Now I remember why I left for a while. Thanks for reminding me, kaufman.

BTW, I have a punchline but can't make a decent comic out of it, so I'm donating it to the public domain: "I'm on that like the Bush twins on a beer bong!" Enjoy...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Damn this comic blows.. It'd probobly be better if I wasn't me, but whatever.

CC 192 Yeah yeah, old joke by Mister_E 6-14-03

Can you help me find my robot? What does it look like? It's red with yellow eyes. sounds familiar.. alright! I'm on that like Tobor on my butt!

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[insert catchy signature here]

CC192: Divine Simile by TheGovernor 6-15-03

Hold on a second, tell me again why you were banished down here again? Well..... Go forth my child, for I have chosen you to spread the message of my second coming. Tell the world that their messiah is returning Im on it like a fluffer on a porn set! Ahh, gotcha!

Dude, kaufman, now my head is spinning.

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HALPUU!

GenCon 2003!! by ladyjdotnet 6-15-03

Since we're the only chicks here, Sean Astin has invited us to go back to his hotel room with him. I'm on that like stink on a gamer!

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Rantin' and Ravin': 3(This is for the "I'm on that" contest) by 80_Million_Fleas 6-15-03

I'm on that like a Chinese Toddler on a Nike! I'm on that like a Catholic priest on a little boy! I'm on that like a cop beating up on a minority! I'm on that like Jeffery Dommer on a dead human buffet. I'm on that like meat on the living. Oh.. You Know what I'm on! Hehehehehe...

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

CC192: A case for exaggeration by mmyers 6-16-03

Man, I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead hooker. You know, it's weird that you say that because I just found a dead hooker. Oh...I was kind of exaggerating. I'm not really that hungry. I was just making a joke. Look David, I went to a lot of trouble to dig up this dead hooker. Don't embarrass me. Now go to it, Dave, eat her ass out. Now this is the part where you say that you're on this dead hooker like Spring Break girls on extacy. I ain't quite deads yet. I's juss hung overs.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Racist a bit? by maddog00 6-16-03

We want you to do an expose on this march tonight. I'm on that like fire on a burning cross on a darkie's lawn. I don't think that's a smart thing to say here. The Million Man March I think we'd better be on yo' ass like a riot in LA.

The Golden An by umfumdisi 6-16-03

So here's the plan, man... ...you take the Golden An; you walk down to the tan van; you give the Golden An to Big Evil Dan... ...you got the plan, Stan? I'm on that like Hillary on Bush!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC:ie,bitch by MDMM 6-16-03

Dude,a evil taco is eating all the junkfood! Help us! I'll get on it like cold hands on utter I'll get on it like my horns shoved up his ass.

Its sucks and i'm proud!

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I mean this in a Non racist,sexual,or threat to kill your family way!

at least you have SOMETHING to be proud of

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leggo my dcomposed! ®