Well, I feel kinda bad about winning the last contest, because it was one of those "First one of the finalists to post wins." So, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and try not to be proud.

But...on the other hand, I want to yell and shout about winning my first contest! Yay me! I rule! Man, if I weren't me, I'd wish that I was.

So because of this, I came up with the rules for this CC. They are fairly simple.

You have two options:

#1. Make a comic with no dialogue, no thought bubbles, and no narration. The only thing that can have any sort of writing is the title.

#2. Your comic must have WAY too much dialogue. Both right and left characters in EACH panel must completely fill the bubble. I'm talking serious conversations here. How can you tell if its enough? Make sure that each bubble messes up the background, so that the characters appear "forced" beneath the floor. Also, no "filler" dialogue. It's all gotta be relevant.

I really like minimalist comics and I really like comics that use too much dialogue, so don't worry about me preferring one kind over the other. If it's funny, you'll win.

Remember, if you choose option #2, I have the right to void any comic I feel doesn't have enough dialogue. I'll send you a PM if I void one of your comics.

Any questions?

None? Good. Go!

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Sex Piano.

CC196: Friday the 13th Part 6 (Redone for Rules Compliance) by flickguy 7-07-03

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This is not my empire.

Oh yeah, I'll be judging one week from today on Monday. And about option #2... you don't have to go insane, just a lot more than average.

Ok, now go.

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Sex Piano.

Hey, you wouldn't've made it unless you made it to the finals. And once it gets down to five or so "whoever posts first" is no less arbitrary than my actual opinion, so hey. Feel happy.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

*blows a raspberry* It's only because you have no life and constantly check the forums!!!

*grins* Just kidding. Hell, I'm the only person to enter it twice- I'm glad I got a mention.

Now, for yours...

How many entries are we allowed? I'd like to take a shot with each option... will it be worth my time?

Here's the minimalist.

CC 196 - Can I Take Your Order? by Whimsy 7-07-03

OLD COMIC JAMBOREE!

A Letter from Satan by Bargaintuan 2-09-03

A Letter from Satan, for Fans of "Memento" by Bargaintuan 2-09-03

Baghdad Tonight by Bargaintuan 4-04-03

The Asian Girls Have Had a Fight (Another Lazy Comic) by Bargaintuan 6-07-03

OH, MY GOD! IT'S A GIANT OREO!!! by Bargaintuan 6-07-03

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

CC 196: Flushed with Embarassment by kaufman 7-07-03

This really happened a week ago, embellished with a wee bit of dialogue, of course ... What a great trip. We had Papa Dels' pizza for lunch 3 hours ago, and are now in Iowa, on our way to the Field of Dreams, where we'll play some ball before heading on to lovely Des Moines ... ... where we'll spend a day at an amusement park, and then head on, ultimately hitting the Biggest Ball of Twine! But I see we're low on gasoline. I need to stop inside and use the Ladies' room. Oh, we don't have a Ladies' room here; we just have a unisex bathroom, which you would normally be able to use, except the toilet got all clogged up. There is a man in there right now using the sink. Oh my god, that is so disgusting ... Oh my god, that is so disgusting ... Oh my god, that is so disgusting ... Oh my god, that is so disgusting ... Oh my god, that is so disgusting ... Oh my god ... Wait, that look on your face, I know what you're thinking. I need to choose my words better. It wasn't that, honest! He is in there washing his hands. Don't think of me that way. She had me scared for a moment there. I mustn't think badly of small-town Iowans after all. Instead, I'll just remember this as a most hysterical story. Truth can be stranger than fiction!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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How many entries are we allowed? I'd like to take a shot with each option... will it be worth my time?

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I'm cranky, so sue me.

CC 196 - Self-Pity by Whimsy 7-07-03

Somedays I really feel as if the world is conspired against me. Things start off well enough, though. I woke up this morning- in the morning, honestly! For the first time in over a month... Anyway, I climb out of bed, life is good. For I know that in a little over 24 hours, I will have friends from school coming to visit. And we will talk, and start writing a story we brainstormed... ...last time we were together. For a moment, I forget the fact that I don't have a job. I forget the fact that I'm living in my parent's house, if only for the summer, with a vehicle and gas, but... ...nowhere to go, and no one to visit. So I get on the computer, and spend my whole day there, as I have done for most of this summer. But then, on the computer, I learn that some other friends... ...won't be returning to school next semester. And there is very little chance that I'll get the chance to see them- ever again. And, as if that wasn't depressing enough, the friends that were... ...supposed to come to see me tomorrow bail out, at around 10PM. So now I'm left with nothing to do, nowhere to go, until the end of the foreseeable future. Too bad I'm not the kind to bitch.

Lazy Comics: "I think Guinness tastes better at 0º than 90 by jes_lawson 2-07-03

And one I had to enter as a satire/tribute rather than as anything that is laugh out loud funny.

CC196: The life of the Bijani Twins in 3 panels [ed.29-12-06 by jes_lawson 7-08-03

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

That last strip is now out of date - the other one has died now. I'm quite sad now...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I don't know how rules-compliant this is, but I have this actual George S. Patton quote here, which I found funny in a twisted way... hope you do, too...

CC 196: General Patton Speaks about War pt. 1 by KungChiFu 7-08-03

General Patton speaks... These pulpit killers that go around saying that the Bible says that man dare not kill causes the death of many thousands of good soldiers. Damn little those pulpit killers know about the Bible. They know even less about the way God works. They should read all of the Bible, not just the part they like! God never hesitated to kill! God never waits to kill when a man or race needs punishment! God helped David kill Goliath, didn't he? How about Noah and the Ark? All of the rest of the people were killed in the flood! God took the blame for this mass murder.

CC 196: General Patton Speaks about War pt. 2 by KungChiFu 7-08-03

And General Patton concludes... How about the Red Sea which opened up long enough for one race to escape and another race to be killed. Don't talk to me about God not permitting man to kill. War means that we have to kill people. That's all there is to it. It is a sin not to kill if we are serving on God's side. There is no other way to win. Wars must be won for God's sake. He has a part in every war! The quicker we can kill- the enemy, the quicker we can go home and listen to what we did wrong. If it wasn't for us,they would be shot for standing in their own pulpits. Our task is to kill the enemy before we are killed.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

More fun with Patton:

"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

Now, there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy! We're going to hold on to him by the nose, and we're gonna kick 'em in the ass!

Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana.

The Nazis are the enemy! Wade into them! Spill *their* blood! Shoot *them* in the belly! We're gonna keep fighting!! Is that CLEAR?!! We're gonna attack all night we're gonna attack the next morning!! If we're not VICTORIOUS!! Let no man come back alive!!!

When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

We're not just going to shoot the bastards, were going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads on our tanks. "

Sigh.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

CC 196: "Pulp Fiction" - Now rules-compliant!! by CrunchyCheese 7-08-03

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

CC196: Important messages hdfgdfwygVCC by mmyers 7-08-03

"You've got mail!" Hey, an email from someone that I don't know. Phil Deming? Hmm. angelwings57 @yahoo.com, that sounds like a reasonable address. Maybe it's an old school chum. That Classmates.com sure is conveinent. RE: Your MOTHER's Hideous Death!!! hdghgfgrhcbcfac Ohmygod! The subject is RE: Your mother's hideous death. How horrible! Momma, no! I've got to pull myself together and try to read it. Got to be strong for momma. MOMMA! "Now you can get all the pharmaceuticals you'll ever need by mail. Prozac, Viagra, Minoxodil, right in the comfort of your home. xxgsgdgcgytehja" What does this have to do with my mom dying? And what happened at the end there? A seisure?Waitaminute, this was just some hoax to get me to read their spam. Damn you, SPAM, damn you straight to hell!

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) - 1 by umfumdisi 7-08-03

Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) - 2 by umfumdisi 7-08-03

Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) - 3 by umfumdisi 7-08-03

Subcontest:

First person to identify the eight plays represented wins...
my respect and admiration.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC196: heylookablimpwowyoudon'tseethoseeverydayifeelspecial by UnknownEric 7-08-03

Hello, Gwendolyn. I suppose you're back seeking forgiveness for your numerous infidelities and indiscretions with other men... those with Scottish accents, kilts and a thing for bagpipes. Actually, I have a favor to ask you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for what I have done and frankly, I don't care. Francis is a much better lover than you ever were, but I need something. Ha! I will not give you anything, you devious harlot. Lure me in with your beauty and charm, only to run around on me at every possible chance. I am a shell of a man because of you, Gwennie. No, you're a shell of a man because you spend your days and nights obsessing over used Atari cartridges and the discography of Game Theory. Come out into the real world sometime, Glen. Bah! I must flout my individuality and my love of retro chic to show the world that I am a nonconformist. Leave now before I pelt you with Go-Bots, you mainstream wench. Jeez. Fine then, I'll go borrow Ginny's sex swing.

Maybe not that funny, but wordy? Whew.

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I has a flavor!

quote:

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First person to identify the eight plays represented wins...
my respect and admiration.

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I concur with eponine.

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

CC 196: The Fellowship Of The Ring by Chi_The_Cynic 7-08-03

CC 196: Deaf-Mute Pillow talk by CrunchyCheese 7-08-03

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

cc:196 -- dying in your sleep by CrunchyCheese 7-08-03

cc:196 -- dying in your sleep part II by CrunchyCheese 7-08-03

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

*with the guessers above* I'm not sure about As You Like It, but I think the others are right...

CC 196: NASA tests foam theory on Columbia disaster by KungChiFu 7-08-03

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

(With apologies to both jes_lawson and Brad...)

CC196: Time Makes Beer Die by flickguy 7-08-03

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This is not my empire.